Getting Your Lover to Really Listen
He can not hear you.... I talk to her, but it is what they do not even hear! Sound familiar?
When people in our eZine in our Relationship Magic dot com website, they have a chance to ask us a relationship communication.
These questions have an amazing list of things that are different from people around the world - from questions about money, sex and jealousy, how to deal with step-children, ex-lovers and laws.
There is much agreement on the issues, and we see us again and again is: "My beloved is no longer listening to me How can I do to hear it."
The Language of Peace (LOP) is the communication method that we learn and we will describe here. Read more about it and ask our special report on the website in our bio.
LOP works on compound and the expression of feelings and needs of people in conversation. So, here is the question. "Hear no more My love to me How can I do to hear it?"
First, let's review some of the most common reasons to stop, people listen. Anytime someone thinks they are being attacked verbally, or may be wrong or whenever they say, what you personally want, they cut and run.
If people use guilt, shame, guilt, anger, or duty and an obligation to try to make their needs are met. These requirements will be the audience hiding in the safety of silence.
It is an expression that "the message should be sent. Rare is the message!" Meaning what you say is rarely what they hear. Sometimes we try to send a message to hear the love and care and our partners, instead of from BAD, STUPID and WRONG. Have you ever run into this? It's actually quite common.
So, the first step to making sure that your partner is able to listen to you, make sure that it is also a good time to talk. Then. Before you begin the conversation... You clarify your intention in this discussion. Is your intention to bring an action against t he person and prove why they are bad, stupid and wrong? (See our article: "The 5 Relationship-Wrecking Communication error.") Or is your intention to create a strong connection, care and support with your partner?
If you decide that you will love connection, this to your partner. Then start with a specific observation about the incident that upset you customize your.
be the first to say something, in this case, where you need to be heard, not met, is another observation, speaking from the heart: "If I am talking to you right now, you turned and walked away...."
This is to observe behavior. We are trying to get away from the name platitudes like, "You never listen to me!" That'll just create more problems. It is best to wait until you see the behavior again, and then start your communications with one observation.
Next connect the needs and feelings you experience when that happens. "When you turned and walked away while I spoke, I felt too sad and disappointed at the same time, because I have...." a need to connect to you
Try to stay with the true feelings and needs. You can dot a list of Dr. Marshall Rosenberg's website CNVC org - he is the creator of non-violent communication method, based on the language of peace.
Try to respect the feelings and needs on these lists because it expressed so easy to become confused, as your own feelings and needs. If you learned like any other person on this planet, you have to hide over the years, your true feelings and needs. Sometimes it takes a look at the list just to remind yourself, what you can do!
We too often confuse an idea for a feeling, or a strategy for a need. But we go into this later in another article.
Finally, the last step, the communication is in a position to make a request. Questions: "Would you be willing to tell me what you heard me say?" This is necessary, absolutely!
Without it, you do not know what makes your partner in history up to the head about what you just said. It could be anything. So this question and see what they say.
Next, you want to find out what your partner in this "not listening" situations. The conversation to which looks like this. "When you start, like television, that when I speak, I'm guessing you could feel anxious and need autonomy and that is to try to get your way, these needs are met Am I proximity? "
It could be repeated to help this question many times of different feelings and needs, identify your partner, your true inner life.... But its so worth it! You feel much more connected only to that part of the communication.
If you are both clear about what your feelings and needs are in a position, then you can begin strategies (ways), make sure that both your feelings and needs are met.
This technique, communication, the language of peace is quite simple. The tricky part is the courage to actually sit down and have the conversation. You risk your partner's anger or criticism. But you can also create, for the really close and intimate with your partner.
When people in our eZine in our Relationship Magic dot com website, they have a chance to ask us a relationship communication.
These questions have an amazing list of things that are different from people around the world - from questions about money, sex and jealousy, how to deal with step-children, ex-lovers and laws.
There is much agreement on the issues, and we see us again and again is: "My beloved is no longer listening to me How can I do to hear it."
The Language of Peace (LOP) is the communication method that we learn and we will describe here. Read more about it and ask our special report on the website in our bio.
LOP works on compound and the expression of feelings and needs of people in conversation. So, here is the question. "Hear no more My love to me How can I do to hear it?"
First, let's review some of the most common reasons to stop, people listen. Anytime someone thinks they are being attacked verbally, or may be wrong or whenever they say, what you personally want, they cut and run.
If people use guilt, shame, guilt, anger, or duty and an obligation to try to make their needs are met. These requirements will be the audience hiding in the safety of silence.
It is an expression that "the message should be sent. Rare is the message!" Meaning what you say is rarely what they hear. Sometimes we try to send a message to hear the love and care and our partners, instead of from BAD, STUPID and WRONG. Have you ever run into this? It's actually quite common.
So, the first step to making sure that your partner is able to listen to you, make sure that it is also a good time to talk. Then. Before you begin the conversation... You clarify your intention in this discussion. Is your intention to bring an action against t he person and prove why they are bad, stupid and wrong? (See our article: "The 5 Relationship-Wrecking Communication error.") Or is your intention to create a strong connection, care and support with your partner?
If you decide that you will love connection, this to your partner. Then start with a specific observation about the incident that upset you customize your.
be the first to say something, in this case, where you need to be heard, not met, is another observation, speaking from the heart: "If I am talking to you right now, you turned and walked away...."
This is to observe behavior. We are trying to get away from the name platitudes like, "You never listen to me!" That'll just create more problems. It is best to wait until you see the behavior again, and then start your communications with one observation.
Next connect the needs and feelings you experience when that happens. "When you turned and walked away while I spoke, I felt too sad and disappointed at the same time, because I have...." a need to connect to you
Try to stay with the true feelings and needs. You can dot a list of Dr. Marshall Rosenberg's website CNVC org - he is the creator of non-violent communication method, based on the language of peace.
Try to respect the feelings and needs on these lists because it expressed so easy to become confused, as your own feelings and needs. If you learned like any other person on this planet, you have to hide over the years, your true feelings and needs. Sometimes it takes a look at the list just to remind yourself, what you can do!
We too often confuse an idea for a feeling, or a strategy for a need. But we go into this later in another article.
Finally, the last step, the communication is in a position to make a request. Questions: "Would you be willing to tell me what you heard me say?" This is necessary, absolutely!
Without it, you do not know what makes your partner in history up to the head about what you just said. It could be anything. So this question and see what they say.
Next, you want to find out what your partner in this "not listening" situations. The conversation to which looks like this. "When you start, like television, that when I speak, I'm guessing you could feel anxious and need autonomy and that is to try to get your way, these needs are met Am I proximity? "
It could be repeated to help this question many times of different feelings and needs, identify your partner, your true inner life.... But its so worth it! You feel much more connected only to that part of the communication.
If you are both clear about what your feelings and needs are in a position, then you can begin strategies (ways), make sure that both your feelings and needs are met.
This technique, communication, the language of peace is quite simple. The tricky part is the courage to actually sit down and have the conversation. You risk your partner's anger or criticism. But you can also create, for the really close and intimate with your partner.
