How to Save Your Marriage From Divorce - Why You Should Or Should Not Save Your Marriage
I'd estimate that 90% or the advice you will find on saving marriages will focus on how to save your marriage.
They will tell you what you should establish or talk about or plan for.
If you are in a situation where you've been searching for help and advice on saving your marriage for a little while, then you probably know exactly what I mean.
Very, very little advice out there will answer the very first question that should be answered when it comes to saving a marriage: WHY should you save it? Perhaps because many assume this is common sense and doesn't need to be addressed.
The answer I hear most often is along the lines of "don't be silly, it's because it's my marriage!" It may be surprising to you, but that is not a good reason to save your marriage.
I believe that those that give me that answer are actually trying to convey something else.
Most of them probably believe they are conveying the importance of their marriage to them by saying that.
But you are not.
Think of this article as a stepping stone towards better communication, which will be needed in your efforts to avoid divorce.
"Because it's my marriage.
" This statement leaves questions like: Why is it important to you? Are you just afraid to be single? Afraid it will look bad if you get divorced? Do you want to avoid the cost of a divorce? Or do you want to avoid possibly losing something like the house or children? Staying married simply because you're afraid of the alternative is not a very good reason.
So let's say it's something more than that.
Perhaps because you still love your spouse? Because you still believe in them and the reason you married them? Is it because even through all the fights, they still find ways to make you smile and you still want to make them happy? Is it because you haven't given up on the dream of growing old together? These are all MUCH better reasons to stay together, but they are not conveyed in the statement "because it's my marriage.
" It is very important that during these times you are totally clear in your mind of WHY you and doing this, and that you are just as clear when you speak to your spouse throughout your relationship.
Below are 4 wrong reasons for saving a marriage.
-For the children.
-Because you are afraid to be single.
-Because divorce is frowned upon in your family/social circle.
-Because your spouse is abusive, and has threatened to harm you if you do.
If this is the case, contact authorities and protective shelters and get out ASAP.
Alternatively, here a 4 excellent reasons to save your marriage.
-Because you believe in your vows and are not ready to give up.
-You know it is worth saving.
-Your marriage still has bright spots and you still have hope for it.
--Because you are still in love with your spouse.
If you believe your reasons for trying to save the marriage are correct, then do everything in your power to save it.
Knowing why this is so important to you will help revitalize your determination, and when your spouse knows your true reasons, they are more likely to join in the efforts.
I wish you all success during this difficult time.
They will tell you what you should establish or talk about or plan for.
If you are in a situation where you've been searching for help and advice on saving your marriage for a little while, then you probably know exactly what I mean.
Very, very little advice out there will answer the very first question that should be answered when it comes to saving a marriage: WHY should you save it? Perhaps because many assume this is common sense and doesn't need to be addressed.
The answer I hear most often is along the lines of "don't be silly, it's because it's my marriage!" It may be surprising to you, but that is not a good reason to save your marriage.
I believe that those that give me that answer are actually trying to convey something else.
Most of them probably believe they are conveying the importance of their marriage to them by saying that.
But you are not.
Think of this article as a stepping stone towards better communication, which will be needed in your efforts to avoid divorce.
"Because it's my marriage.
" This statement leaves questions like: Why is it important to you? Are you just afraid to be single? Afraid it will look bad if you get divorced? Do you want to avoid the cost of a divorce? Or do you want to avoid possibly losing something like the house or children? Staying married simply because you're afraid of the alternative is not a very good reason.
So let's say it's something more than that.
Perhaps because you still love your spouse? Because you still believe in them and the reason you married them? Is it because even through all the fights, they still find ways to make you smile and you still want to make them happy? Is it because you haven't given up on the dream of growing old together? These are all MUCH better reasons to stay together, but they are not conveyed in the statement "because it's my marriage.
" It is very important that during these times you are totally clear in your mind of WHY you and doing this, and that you are just as clear when you speak to your spouse throughout your relationship.
Below are 4 wrong reasons for saving a marriage.
-For the children.
-Because you are afraid to be single.
-Because divorce is frowned upon in your family/social circle.
-Because your spouse is abusive, and has threatened to harm you if you do.
If this is the case, contact authorities and protective shelters and get out ASAP.
Alternatively, here a 4 excellent reasons to save your marriage.
-Because you believe in your vows and are not ready to give up.
-You know it is worth saving.
-Your marriage still has bright spots and you still have hope for it.
--Because you are still in love with your spouse.
If you believe your reasons for trying to save the marriage are correct, then do everything in your power to save it.
Knowing why this is so important to you will help revitalize your determination, and when your spouse knows your true reasons, they are more likely to join in the efforts.
I wish you all success during this difficult time.
