It seems like only yesterday that the doctors told me my son was in the womb with no heartbeat.
I was 9 months pregnant.
It's been 7 years this May since that day.
I am here to tell you that you will survive! The doctors wanted me to give birth naturally, but I said "no".
I demanded that they do a C section right away so that I could spend as much time with my son as I could.
Holding your lifeless child in your arms is something I can't describe, but overall it has made me a stronger person.
For weeks following, I was completely numb.
My family and friends had a hard time looking me in the eyes because they just didn't know what to say.
They tried to be as supportive as they could, but at the time it fell on deaf ears.
Looking back now I can tell you that you have to go through the grieving process the only way you know how.
People will be telling you to join support groups, stay away from babies, don't go in the nursery, basically not to put yourself in a situation that might "trigger" something.
Well you know what, if it does, it does! Things are going to catch you off guard, and sometimes you have no control over it.
If you need to scream, cry, yell, do whatever it is that is necessary for you to get through that moment.
And know that it is OK! No one can tell you how to feel during something like this.
Just be true to yourself.
I tried the support groups and they just were not for me.
But I know a lot of similar parents that found them very useful.
I'm not going to lie and say the pain goes away, for me it still hasn't.
But time helps.
I can at least remember his cute face and not burst into tears, but smile that I was fortunate to be his mom even for only nine months.