When Your Old Friends Meet Your New Relationship
Have you introduced your old friends to your new romantic relationship?Do you think they are going to be happy to meet each other?Sometimes, we may find it surprising and even disappointing when our old friends do not warm to our new love.
Understanding and implementing boundaries can be essential to your happiness, as well as your potential partnership.
A strange thing happens when you bring old friends and your new romantic partner together.
You discover that even though your friends and family want the best for you, some of them may have a hard time adjusting.
When they realize that they are about to be replaced as the special confidant or advisor to your single life, they may experience a tidal wave of panic.
If your friends are in happy, loving relationships, they will be thrilled that the two of you have found each other.
However, if they have been enjoying your company as a distraction to their empty lives; if they have been playing host to you, with all the answers to your struggles; if they have been the shoulder for you to lean on, chances are, they are going to be upset when you fall in love and move to a different place emotionally.
Unfortunately, they may be invested in your staying single more than they understand.
Habits and ways we have grown accustomed to are harder to let go of than we realize.
I think about how the electricity went off in our house the other day and even though I knew that, every time I walked into a darkened room, I tried to switch on the lights.
Obviously, my former habits are deeply programmed into me.
From these small every-day experiences, I can understand how hard it is for someone to change or let go of the usual, when they are strongly attached to things being the way they "used" to be.
Life-changing events will occur whether we want them to or not, and understanding how to handle yourself through them can save pain and anguish.
Since change is inevitable, there are some friendships that will metamorphose into something different, and others that will discontinue.
Most relationships among family and friends are resilient, and can allow someone new into your life.
Further, if you have a history of poor relationships in the past, it is understandable that some friends may be suspicious of your new choice in the beginning.
They need time to get to know this new person.
Everyone has one or two trusted friends that they can count on to tell them the truth about what they see.
However, some relationships are fragile, built on unconscious and hidden agendas of the other parties, and are not meant to endure.
One of the ways to navigate those shifts and changes is to understand boundaries and how to set them.
With boundaries in place, you can let people in or you can encircle yourself and come out when it's safe.
Here are some thoughts on boundaries that may help you when you are introducing a new romantic interest to your old friends: * Boundaries protect our health, well being, and happiness from the damaging behavior of others.
They are the limitations we set that let people know how close they can come.
They are also there to keep us from reaching out to people who have shown that they can't be a friend--for whatever reason.
* Saying "no" can be difficult when we think it means giving up someone's approval.
Most of us are afraid of being rejected or not being liked.
What is important to understand is that whenever we don't set boundaries, we are open to being taken advantage of, and therefore, not respected.
* Set tighter boundaries and say goodbye to people, activities, and habits that drain energy.
If you feel tired, upset, or troubled, time after time, when you have been in certain situations, chances are, it is time to let go.
As you develop your awareness for what is truly good for you, perhaps you will know when to say "no" to a long list of demands you have been tolerating.
We cling to our habits and our ways and our existing relationships out of a sense of familiarity or misguided loyalty.
Sometimes, the people in our lives (for reasons they don't even understand) would rather see us stay the same and be miserable rather than change and ultimately be happy.
So get your boundaries in place.
It's important to remember that there is always a possible collision course-when your old friends meet your new love.
Understanding and implementing boundaries can be essential to your happiness, as well as your potential partnership.
A strange thing happens when you bring old friends and your new romantic partner together.
You discover that even though your friends and family want the best for you, some of them may have a hard time adjusting.
When they realize that they are about to be replaced as the special confidant or advisor to your single life, they may experience a tidal wave of panic.
If your friends are in happy, loving relationships, they will be thrilled that the two of you have found each other.
However, if they have been enjoying your company as a distraction to their empty lives; if they have been playing host to you, with all the answers to your struggles; if they have been the shoulder for you to lean on, chances are, they are going to be upset when you fall in love and move to a different place emotionally.
Unfortunately, they may be invested in your staying single more than they understand.
Habits and ways we have grown accustomed to are harder to let go of than we realize.
I think about how the electricity went off in our house the other day and even though I knew that, every time I walked into a darkened room, I tried to switch on the lights.
Obviously, my former habits are deeply programmed into me.
From these small every-day experiences, I can understand how hard it is for someone to change or let go of the usual, when they are strongly attached to things being the way they "used" to be.
Life-changing events will occur whether we want them to or not, and understanding how to handle yourself through them can save pain and anguish.
Since change is inevitable, there are some friendships that will metamorphose into something different, and others that will discontinue.
Most relationships among family and friends are resilient, and can allow someone new into your life.
Further, if you have a history of poor relationships in the past, it is understandable that some friends may be suspicious of your new choice in the beginning.
They need time to get to know this new person.
Everyone has one or two trusted friends that they can count on to tell them the truth about what they see.
However, some relationships are fragile, built on unconscious and hidden agendas of the other parties, and are not meant to endure.
One of the ways to navigate those shifts and changes is to understand boundaries and how to set them.
With boundaries in place, you can let people in or you can encircle yourself and come out when it's safe.
Here are some thoughts on boundaries that may help you when you are introducing a new romantic interest to your old friends: * Boundaries protect our health, well being, and happiness from the damaging behavior of others.
They are the limitations we set that let people know how close they can come.
They are also there to keep us from reaching out to people who have shown that they can't be a friend--for whatever reason.
* Saying "no" can be difficult when we think it means giving up someone's approval.
Most of us are afraid of being rejected or not being liked.
What is important to understand is that whenever we don't set boundaries, we are open to being taken advantage of, and therefore, not respected.
* Set tighter boundaries and say goodbye to people, activities, and habits that drain energy.
If you feel tired, upset, or troubled, time after time, when you have been in certain situations, chances are, it is time to let go.
As you develop your awareness for what is truly good for you, perhaps you will know when to say "no" to a long list of demands you have been tolerating.
We cling to our habits and our ways and our existing relationships out of a sense of familiarity or misguided loyalty.
Sometimes, the people in our lives (for reasons they don't even understand) would rather see us stay the same and be miserable rather than change and ultimately be happy.
So get your boundaries in place.
It's important to remember that there is always a possible collision course-when your old friends meet your new love.
