Panic Attack
Public transport.
A nightmare.
She never knew what they were thinking; and dealing with so many people together - so many faces - nothing short of a nightmare.
Her fingers clutched nervously at the purse in her hand.
If only there was some way of knowing when it would spring a surprise attack on her.
The onset was always so sudden - and it disappeared as suddenly as well.
The big blue bus came to a halt in front of her.
The doors opened.
She hesitated for a moment before stepping inside.
She took the first available seat that she spotted.
It was the only available seat.
It was right behind the driver, so that when she sat down, she was back to back with the driver, facing all passengers.
She slowly looked up.
She could see everyone - except the driver.
The seats were all filled up and there were about 20 standing passengers.
She watched their expressionless faces, staring blankly ahead.
The seats in the first half of the bus were taken up by women; the men took the ones behind, as was customary.
The lady sitting opposite her was on the phone.
A boyfriend? Her head rested to one side, as she looked dreamily out of the window, a coy smile on her face.
Another girl had earphones plugged in, and her head moved rhythmically to the music.
An old man sat in the back, deep wrinkles lining his face.
He pursed his lips and seemed deep in thought.
What was he thinking, she wondered.
Most of the other faces were devoid of expression, but with a million thoughts racing through their minds..
just as a million thoughts raced through hers.
She sat nervously, wondering when it would begin.
And then it began.
She looked at the passengers.
Nothing had changed.
Were they watching her? Were they laughing at her? Were they staring at her? Was she sitting down? Was she jumping and dancing to "Sweet Carolyn?" She looked out the window momentarily.
Change your thoughts, she told herself.
Relax.
She gave the passengers a quick glance.
They were looking at her now.
Some of them were laughing.
Most looked at her in disbelief and utter shock.
Would the bus conductor throw her out of the bus? Was she naked? Were the women going to slap her face, back into sanity again? The bus came to a grinding halt at it's final destination.
The passengers slowly queued up at the exits.
The women who were sitting, picked up their bags, adjusted their dresses and made their way to the exit.
Nobody seemed to notice her.
She was back again.
It had passed as silently as it had set in.
She picked up her purse from her lap and made her way to the exit.
A nightmare.
She never knew what they were thinking; and dealing with so many people together - so many faces - nothing short of a nightmare.
Her fingers clutched nervously at the purse in her hand.
If only there was some way of knowing when it would spring a surprise attack on her.
The onset was always so sudden - and it disappeared as suddenly as well.
The big blue bus came to a halt in front of her.
The doors opened.
She hesitated for a moment before stepping inside.
She took the first available seat that she spotted.
It was the only available seat.
It was right behind the driver, so that when she sat down, she was back to back with the driver, facing all passengers.
She slowly looked up.
She could see everyone - except the driver.
The seats were all filled up and there were about 20 standing passengers.
She watched their expressionless faces, staring blankly ahead.
The seats in the first half of the bus were taken up by women; the men took the ones behind, as was customary.
The lady sitting opposite her was on the phone.
A boyfriend? Her head rested to one side, as she looked dreamily out of the window, a coy smile on her face.
Another girl had earphones plugged in, and her head moved rhythmically to the music.
An old man sat in the back, deep wrinkles lining his face.
He pursed his lips and seemed deep in thought.
What was he thinking, she wondered.
Most of the other faces were devoid of expression, but with a million thoughts racing through their minds..
just as a million thoughts raced through hers.
She sat nervously, wondering when it would begin.
And then it began.
She looked at the passengers.
Nothing had changed.
Were they watching her? Were they laughing at her? Were they staring at her? Was she sitting down? Was she jumping and dancing to "Sweet Carolyn?" She looked out the window momentarily.
Change your thoughts, she told herself.
Relax.
She gave the passengers a quick glance.
They were looking at her now.
Some of them were laughing.
Most looked at her in disbelief and utter shock.
Would the bus conductor throw her out of the bus? Was she naked? Were the women going to slap her face, back into sanity again? The bus came to a grinding halt at it's final destination.
The passengers slowly queued up at the exits.
The women who were sitting, picked up their bags, adjusted their dresses and made their way to the exit.
Nobody seemed to notice her.
She was back again.
It had passed as silently as it had set in.
She picked up her purse from her lap and made her way to the exit.
