Today, I'm chatting with Joe Onelife, the famous "everyman" you've heard so much about recently.
I thought Joe would be far too busy to grant me an interview, given he's the center of so much attention from the liberal-statist cultural crusaders running America (and other nations)...
but, being unemployed, it turns out Joe has plenty of time on his hands and was happy to join me in my office today.
Thanks, Mr.
Onelife.
"My pleasure.
Like you say, I didn't have much to do.
" Well, I appreciate your time.
So, maybe you could start by telling me how this all started.
"I wish I knew, Mike.
" (Joe thanks me for a cup of coffee, and takes a sip.
) "I mean, I was literally minding my own business - which is how I prefer to live my life - when I suddenly started getting all these liberals looking me up and making a lot of commotion about what they were going to do to save me.
" Save you from what? "I really have no idea.
But, you know, it seems like every time I turn around, there's another activist, or community organizer, or government official on the TV saying that same old thing we've heard a million times.
" You mean, the thing about saving Onelife? "Exactly.
'Sure,' they tell us, 'this new regulation is going to cost a lot of money, and make life for everybody a little less enjoyable, and cut into our individual freedoms some, but heck - if it saves Onelife, it's totally worth it.
' That's what they always say, no matter what it is they're trying to mandate for everybody.
" Hmm.
"I mean, now I can't even buy a "happy meal" for my kids, because there's a new regulation in San Francisco that prohibits the fast-food joint from including a toy with a meal.
" Really? What in the world would that accomplish? "Well, they say you can't put a free toy in with a meal they've determined is too unhealthy.
" You mean, tasty.
"Maybe.
But they said, you know, if they can save Onelife..
..
" ...
They say it'll be worth it.
"Right.
" What do you say? "Well..
..
" (Joe pauses, and takes another sip of coffee.
) "I can't eat or drink anything that tastes good.
I can't use a lightbulb that actually works when I turn it on, or that shines brighter than a candle.
I can't use my cell phone, especially not in my car, which kinda defeats the point of having a cell phone.
I don't smoke; but I couldn't if I wanted to.
I have to take my coffee luke-warm.
Can't pray in public, and definitely not in a school.
Can't carry a gun.
And I can't say anything the liberals think is uncivil, though they can march and carry signs and shout 'death to this' and 'kill that' all they want.
" But you're alive...
right? "Yep.
They did it.
They saved ol' Onelife.
But I sometimes wonder what they saved me for.
Life in the statists' world is bland, boring, broke, dark, cold, and pretty darn scary.
" But isn't it worth it, Joe? Isn't it worth it, if they saved Onelife, like they claimed? "Well, one more example, then I gotta go.
" (He drains the mug.
) "They outlawed sending text messages while you're driving.
Said it'd save at least Onelife.
And it's probably a bad idea for people to beep away on their phones while they should be focusing on their driving.
But, see, what the statists didn't calculate is that people wouldn't stop text/driving, they'd just start hiding it...
texting with the phone down in their lap instead of up at eye level...
and text-related driving accidents (and deaths) actually went up, not down.
" Are you saying they shouldn't make laws, and regulations, to protect us all? "I don't know.
I guess I'm saying that freedom, and personal responsibility, usually work a lot better than statist control of your life.
It's been proven over and over, all around the world.
And this text driving law is only one example of how the road to Hell is paved with good intentions.
" (Joe rises, and dons his jacket.
) "Maybe if they stop over-regulating the heck out of me, it'd be a better way to make Onelife last longer.
And maybe it'd make it more worth living in the first place.
" ...
He Might Not Agree It's Worth It by Michael D.
Hume, M.
S.