Relationship Conflict - Advice For Men That Works
Guys - Are you stuck in the blame game? How much responsibility are you taking right now for the quality of your marriage or relationship? Choose a number.
40%? 50%? 90%? I have news for you: Unless you are taking 100% Full Responsibility for the quality of your relationship, you are missing a HUGE opportunity.
Why? Because by choosing to take Full Responsibility for the quality of your relationship, you can become virtually invincible, and turn your spouse into your biggest fan! So how does it work? Full Responsibility means being Able to Respond to any situation or conflict you find yourself in...
not just Reacting.
It also means never criticizing or blaming...
yourself or her.
I used to have the same fight with my wife over and over.
Under stress, I would snap at her or treat her less than kindly.
Then I would justify my behaviour, pointing out how she had pushed me to my edge.
(Maybe she had, but that's not the point).
She would be angry and demand reassurance that I wouldn't treat her like that ever again.
She would say that she deserved better and that she wouldn't tolerate being spoken to like that.
(She hates being snapped at).
I would say that her demands were unreasonable and that she pushes me.
I would say that if she wanted my behaviour to change, she should change her own behaviour first.
And around and around we would go.
Is this sounding familiar? Finally I realized that I was shooting myself in the foot.
So I tried this: Instead of assigning responsibility, I chose to take responsibility.
This doesn't mean that I became a doormat in any way.
Quite the opposite.
I was able to elevate myself above the conflict and choose a response rather than the same old reaction.
Once I woke up to this fully, everything changed.
The trick is this: Whenever you find yourself in conflict, take a breath and say to yourself, "I welcome this opportunity to become a better man.
" No ifs, ands, or buts! You won't believe the difference! So, my challenge to you: Commit to taking Full Responsibility for the quality of your relationship today.
If you slip, simply congratulate yourself for noticing, and come back to your commitment.
Let me know how it goes.
All My Best, Justice Marshall
40%? 50%? 90%? I have news for you: Unless you are taking 100% Full Responsibility for the quality of your relationship, you are missing a HUGE opportunity.
Why? Because by choosing to take Full Responsibility for the quality of your relationship, you can become virtually invincible, and turn your spouse into your biggest fan! So how does it work? Full Responsibility means being Able to Respond to any situation or conflict you find yourself in...
not just Reacting.
It also means never criticizing or blaming...
yourself or her.
I used to have the same fight with my wife over and over.
Under stress, I would snap at her or treat her less than kindly.
Then I would justify my behaviour, pointing out how she had pushed me to my edge.
(Maybe she had, but that's not the point).
She would be angry and demand reassurance that I wouldn't treat her like that ever again.
She would say that she deserved better and that she wouldn't tolerate being spoken to like that.
(She hates being snapped at).
I would say that her demands were unreasonable and that she pushes me.
I would say that if she wanted my behaviour to change, she should change her own behaviour first.
And around and around we would go.
Is this sounding familiar? Finally I realized that I was shooting myself in the foot.
So I tried this: Instead of assigning responsibility, I chose to take responsibility.
This doesn't mean that I became a doormat in any way.
Quite the opposite.
I was able to elevate myself above the conflict and choose a response rather than the same old reaction.
Once I woke up to this fully, everything changed.
The trick is this: Whenever you find yourself in conflict, take a breath and say to yourself, "I welcome this opportunity to become a better man.
" No ifs, ands, or buts! You won't believe the difference! So, my challenge to you: Commit to taking Full Responsibility for the quality of your relationship today.
If you slip, simply congratulate yourself for noticing, and come back to your commitment.
Let me know how it goes.
All My Best, Justice Marshall
