Book Review - 30 Days of Night: Light of Day by Jeff Mariotte
The 30 Days of Night graphic novels have always been a guilty pleasure for me, a trip on the ultra-violent side with vampires that are portrayed as actual bloodthirsty monsters.
(No sparkles here!) And being a bloodthirsty monster, these bloodsuckers only wanted to do one thing: tear a few new orifices in folks, often in the most gruesome and grisly manner possible.
(Sure it's not the Disney Channel, but not everything can be that terrifying.
I mean, really, have you watched Hannah Montana?) So having enjoyed the 30 Days of Night comics in the past, I decided to try the latest novel set in that horrific universe, 30 Days of Night: Light of Day by Jeff Mariotte.
So would I be sorry? How much was this going to hurt? See, usually I'm wary of shared universe books, never really expecting much, and getting just what I expected.
Most of these books deserve to be doused in gasoline and invited to a bonfire as the special guest of honor.
I also harbored doubts about whether an ultra-violent comic like this would translate well into a book; too much grisly mayhem could get old rather quickly, the reader becoming desensitized to vampire shock and awe.
One or two decapitations might be a bucketful of gruesome giggles, but three hundred pages filled with heads being popped off like champagne corks at a rapper's birthday party would be tiring.
30 Days of Night: Light of Day embraces its comic book roots like lovers entwine around each other on Valentine's Day.
It's a non-stop, action-packed geyser of intestine soup; gruesomeness piled upon gruesomeness like a stack of Sour Cream Pringles, a hot-sticky-copper-flavored-going-to-need-three-school-janitors-to-clean-it-up mess.
Now copious amounts of gory, squirting bodies aren't a problem if there's a story behind the mayhem.
Unfortunately, there's hardly even a tweet of story in 30 Days of Night: Light of Day.
And what there is is standard fare, an utterly tired cliché lounging on three pillows of unoriginality.
Vampires seek a vaccine that will get rid of their pesky aversion to daylight, while a super-secret group of vampire hunters tries to stop them.
Mariotte adds nothing new to the vampire mythos, never rewarding the reader with a new thought or a new angle.
It's like watching a rerun of a TV show you've seen a hundred times before, totally mindless.
There are subplots and scenes in the novel which prove to be completely unnecessary, as they don't further the narrative.
One scene late in the novel has a group of vampires descending on a mall, slaughtering shoppers.
It's a throwaway scene that adds nothing to the book, only an excuse for more gore and comic mayhem; it could have been removed and the reader would have lost nothing.
Another subplot featuring losers Walker and Mitch, who are trying to get a vampire to turn them, ends with a final twist that is more laughable than shocking.
It's a surprise twist that smacks of desperation, of trying and failing to be cool.
All the characters are clipped from cardboard, and most of them get by without showing a single intelligent thought (much like my reviews.
) Sure, characters in horror stories aren't known for showing much wit, but they need to have at least one crazy aunt in the attic to make me believe they can even feed themselves.
I doubt whether these characters could even leave their house without being an immense danger to themselves and society.
30 Days of Night: Light of Day is a train wreck of a novel.
It adheres to its comic book roots maybe too well, but what works for a graphic novel doesn't necessary translate into an enjoyable book.
(No sparkles here!) And being a bloodthirsty monster, these bloodsuckers only wanted to do one thing: tear a few new orifices in folks, often in the most gruesome and grisly manner possible.
(Sure it's not the Disney Channel, but not everything can be that terrifying.
I mean, really, have you watched Hannah Montana?) So having enjoyed the 30 Days of Night comics in the past, I decided to try the latest novel set in that horrific universe, 30 Days of Night: Light of Day by Jeff Mariotte.
So would I be sorry? How much was this going to hurt? See, usually I'm wary of shared universe books, never really expecting much, and getting just what I expected.
Most of these books deserve to be doused in gasoline and invited to a bonfire as the special guest of honor.
I also harbored doubts about whether an ultra-violent comic like this would translate well into a book; too much grisly mayhem could get old rather quickly, the reader becoming desensitized to vampire shock and awe.
One or two decapitations might be a bucketful of gruesome giggles, but three hundred pages filled with heads being popped off like champagne corks at a rapper's birthday party would be tiring.
30 Days of Night: Light of Day embraces its comic book roots like lovers entwine around each other on Valentine's Day.
It's a non-stop, action-packed geyser of intestine soup; gruesomeness piled upon gruesomeness like a stack of Sour Cream Pringles, a hot-sticky-copper-flavored-going-to-need-three-school-janitors-to-clean-it-up mess.
Now copious amounts of gory, squirting bodies aren't a problem if there's a story behind the mayhem.
Unfortunately, there's hardly even a tweet of story in 30 Days of Night: Light of Day.
And what there is is standard fare, an utterly tired cliché lounging on three pillows of unoriginality.
Vampires seek a vaccine that will get rid of their pesky aversion to daylight, while a super-secret group of vampire hunters tries to stop them.
Mariotte adds nothing new to the vampire mythos, never rewarding the reader with a new thought or a new angle.
It's like watching a rerun of a TV show you've seen a hundred times before, totally mindless.
There are subplots and scenes in the novel which prove to be completely unnecessary, as they don't further the narrative.
One scene late in the novel has a group of vampires descending on a mall, slaughtering shoppers.
It's a throwaway scene that adds nothing to the book, only an excuse for more gore and comic mayhem; it could have been removed and the reader would have lost nothing.
Another subplot featuring losers Walker and Mitch, who are trying to get a vampire to turn them, ends with a final twist that is more laughable than shocking.
It's a surprise twist that smacks of desperation, of trying and failing to be cool.
All the characters are clipped from cardboard, and most of them get by without showing a single intelligent thought (much like my reviews.
) Sure, characters in horror stories aren't known for showing much wit, but they need to have at least one crazy aunt in the attic to make me believe they can even feed themselves.
I doubt whether these characters could even leave their house without being an immense danger to themselves and society.
30 Days of Night: Light of Day is a train wreck of a novel.
It adheres to its comic book roots maybe too well, but what works for a graphic novel doesn't necessary translate into an enjoyable book.
