Men"s Book Club Rules
So I've been in this men's book club for a couple years now.
Oh, we don't call it a book club though.
That'd be too...
um...
not sure what that would be but I'm sure it'd be too something.
We call it Basketball Practice even though we are all rather short, uncoordinated, and never intend on doing anything athletic during our "practices".
We were so self-conscious about being in an all male book club that for several years we refused to read any female authors.
Fortunately, we've grown more comfortable with ourselves and have actually had two women attend our meetings.
Both were authors of books we chose to read.
I seriously doubt we will ever allow a permanent female member into practices.
Anyhow, I thought I'd share some rules if you're interested in starting your own Basketball Practice:
There's your template for whatever you want to call it.
Feel free to change, add, or delete any single item.
But be careful, these items are interdependent.
And, if your change, add, or delete blows up in your face, don't come crying to me.
I will remind you of this warning.
Oh, we don't call it a book club though.
That'd be too...
um...
not sure what that would be but I'm sure it'd be too something.
We call it Basketball Practice even though we are all rather short, uncoordinated, and never intend on doing anything athletic during our "practices".
We were so self-conscious about being in an all male book club that for several years we refused to read any female authors.
Fortunately, we've grown more comfortable with ourselves and have actually had two women attend our meetings.
Both were authors of books we chose to read.
I seriously doubt we will ever allow a permanent female member into practices.
Anyhow, I thought I'd share some rules if you're interested in starting your own Basketball Practice:
- You must have a heavy handed and rather sarcastic Chairman willing to undemocratically and unfairly enforce silly rules.
This may be the only way the group can remain all male. - You must have a Secretary who is willing to ensure meeting places and book selections are made well in advance with some kind of fair system.
One could possibly assume this the responsibility of the Chairman, but he has his hands full keeping women out and is therefore completely incapable of being fair. - Any member or potential member who always thinks they are right about everything and is never willing to concede anything even in the face of overwhelming facts, must be immediately kicked out and never sent another invitation.
Unless of course, the member in question is the Chairman.
He is excused from all misbehaving due to the overwhelming stress of keeping women out. - Non-fiction books usually lead to better discussions.
So when it's your time to select a book try to pick a non-fiction title.
If you select fiction be prepared for your book to not be read and sarcastic comments to be made about it for years and years to come.
Unless it is a great book, then it will be held as one of the best selections ever.
Only fiction selections by McCarthy, Kerouc, Steinbeck, and a very few other authors can even remotely hope to appease the group. - 6 to 8 members seem to be the best number.
10 or more and there are too many people to carry a meaningful conversation.
5 or less and the members begin to hatch crazy ideas like inviting their wives.
Thereby causing the Chairman great stress. - Beer is a nice addition as is cheese and other artery clogging items.
Be warned though that too much beer and several hours of discussion could lead to individuals described in item 3 being severely injured or possibly disappearing in a Jimmy Hoffa like fashion. - Members must make a good faith effort to read each selection.
Consistently not reading any selections may result in extreme ridicule or being elected to the position of Chairman. - Never refer to the book club as a men's book club or a book club at all.
When family members ask what you are doing, go to great lengths and verbose descriptions to explain the group without using the words "book club" together.
Calling your meetings bowling practice, basketball practice, board meetings, line dancing classes, aerobics classes, knitting lessons, etc will help to avoid unwanted inquiries and go a long way to help maintain your masculine facade. - Meet once a month, on the same day of the month, every month.
Something like the 2nd Thursday of every month will work fine.
Any deviation from this schedule must be approved by and then communicated by the secretary.
If someone other than the secretary changes something, that something has in fact not been changed. - Meetings should be held and rotated monthly in member's homes.
Only meet in a bar if and only if there isn't a book selection that month.
The distractions in a bar render the Chairman defenseless.
Noticing his weakened condition, women may infiltrate the group.
Ultimately this will lead to the group dissolving after months of drama resembling a daytime soap opera.
There's your template for whatever you want to call it.
Feel free to change, add, or delete any single item.
But be careful, these items are interdependent.
And, if your change, add, or delete blows up in your face, don't come crying to me.
I will remind you of this warning.