Why Do Some Men Stay and Some Men Stray?
There will always be some men who will stray because they can and men who stray because they are dissatisfied with their marriage.
This article is going to focus more on the majority of men who are having difficulties in their marriage and cheat, rather on the men who are the serial cheaters who stray because it gives them a rush.
These men may never want fidelity, while the other type of man is more likely to return to the marriage after an affair.
For those men who do cheat on their wives, a survey conducted by Rabbi Gary Neuman who wrote The Truth About Cheating: Why Men Stray and What You Can Do To Prevent It (2008) revealed that 48% of men sited emotional dissatisfaction, 32% sited both emotional and sexual dissatisfaction, 12% other and 8% mostly sexual dissatisfaction.
These statistics overturn the notion that men stray because they are sexually bored with their wives and want to find new conquests.
Instead, we find that men cheat because they feel something important is missing from their marriages and that they are influenced by family and friends.
Showing Appreciation Men may stray because their marriages lack appreciation and communication.
Wives may not think that their husband deserves recognition for picking up the children once a week or making dinner after work on a Tuesday, because that's what she does on a daily basis.
However, women should tell their husbands how much they appreciate them, so that these men don't feel they are taken for granted.
Of course some men would rather have their wives show them appreciation, rather than hearing the words.
Besides sex, appreciation take the form of fixing his favorite dinner, giving him a massage, and spending quality time enjoying one of his favorite activities, like football, sailing, geocaching or golf.
Family and Friends Men are also influenced to cheat because of their family and friends.
You often hear that couples who spend time around other couples who are happily married enjoy satisfying marriages.
Wise spouses know that keeping a close eye on husband's single friend with a host of girlfriends is a good idea.
Usually this close friend who takes their loved one out on the town on a regular basis won't have his wife's best interests in mind.
Even if they trust their husbands, it's usually a good idea for a wife to encourage the single friend to come over to their house or for her to go out as well.
A friend or a family member who cheats or who doesn't respect marriage has an enormous influence on whether the husband strays.
If this is the case, then the wife needs to bring up her husband's family and ask him about his parents' marriage without being judgmental.
Reaching for Understanding Finally, men need to be told what you want them to do so that both of you find an emotional connection.
If you want him to stop checking his Blackberry while you're talking to him, you need to tell him that.
You also need to tell him what you'd like to hear from him ("I understand how nervous/scared/thrilled you are") when you're sharing what's important to you.
And in bed, he also needs to know specifically what turns you on.
Simple acts such as listening and being attentive can go a long way in preserving a marriage and maintaining an emotional bond.
Finding Time for the Marriage It's extremely difficult these days for dual-career spouses with kids to find time to be together.
In fact, most couples would probably say they spend more time with their coworkers than their spouses.
Although the quantity of time may not change, couples need to examine how they can show affection and make each other feel wanted and loved.
Notes and calls before a planned date are a great way to build anticipation and romance.
Another idea is to block out two hours together once a week for playing card games, reading together, tasting new food or taking a walk.
And aimless TV watching doesn't count! It's important to know that even if some men had supermodel wives, they would still stray.
Their behavior wouldn't change because cheating is ingrained in their culture or personality.
However, most men love their wives and risk infidelity because they can find an emotional connection with another woman.
But this doesn't have to happen in all cases.
Women who want to do the work of understanding and appreciating their husbands can stray-proof their marriage, which will make the marriage more satisfying and loving for both people.
This article is going to focus more on the majority of men who are having difficulties in their marriage and cheat, rather on the men who are the serial cheaters who stray because it gives them a rush.
These men may never want fidelity, while the other type of man is more likely to return to the marriage after an affair.
For those men who do cheat on their wives, a survey conducted by Rabbi Gary Neuman who wrote The Truth About Cheating: Why Men Stray and What You Can Do To Prevent It (2008) revealed that 48% of men sited emotional dissatisfaction, 32% sited both emotional and sexual dissatisfaction, 12% other and 8% mostly sexual dissatisfaction.
These statistics overturn the notion that men stray because they are sexually bored with their wives and want to find new conquests.
Instead, we find that men cheat because they feel something important is missing from their marriages and that they are influenced by family and friends.
Showing Appreciation Men may stray because their marriages lack appreciation and communication.
Wives may not think that their husband deserves recognition for picking up the children once a week or making dinner after work on a Tuesday, because that's what she does on a daily basis.
However, women should tell their husbands how much they appreciate them, so that these men don't feel they are taken for granted.
Of course some men would rather have their wives show them appreciation, rather than hearing the words.
Besides sex, appreciation take the form of fixing his favorite dinner, giving him a massage, and spending quality time enjoying one of his favorite activities, like football, sailing, geocaching or golf.
Family and Friends Men are also influenced to cheat because of their family and friends.
You often hear that couples who spend time around other couples who are happily married enjoy satisfying marriages.
Wise spouses know that keeping a close eye on husband's single friend with a host of girlfriends is a good idea.
Usually this close friend who takes their loved one out on the town on a regular basis won't have his wife's best interests in mind.
Even if they trust their husbands, it's usually a good idea for a wife to encourage the single friend to come over to their house or for her to go out as well.
A friend or a family member who cheats or who doesn't respect marriage has an enormous influence on whether the husband strays.
If this is the case, then the wife needs to bring up her husband's family and ask him about his parents' marriage without being judgmental.
Reaching for Understanding Finally, men need to be told what you want them to do so that both of you find an emotional connection.
If you want him to stop checking his Blackberry while you're talking to him, you need to tell him that.
You also need to tell him what you'd like to hear from him ("I understand how nervous/scared/thrilled you are") when you're sharing what's important to you.
And in bed, he also needs to know specifically what turns you on.
Simple acts such as listening and being attentive can go a long way in preserving a marriage and maintaining an emotional bond.
Finding Time for the Marriage It's extremely difficult these days for dual-career spouses with kids to find time to be together.
In fact, most couples would probably say they spend more time with their coworkers than their spouses.
Although the quantity of time may not change, couples need to examine how they can show affection and make each other feel wanted and loved.
Notes and calls before a planned date are a great way to build anticipation and romance.
Another idea is to block out two hours together once a week for playing card games, reading together, tasting new food or taking a walk.
And aimless TV watching doesn't count! It's important to know that even if some men had supermodel wives, they would still stray.
Their behavior wouldn't change because cheating is ingrained in their culture or personality.
However, most men love their wives and risk infidelity because they can find an emotional connection with another woman.
But this doesn't have to happen in all cases.
Women who want to do the work of understanding and appreciating their husbands can stray-proof their marriage, which will make the marriage more satisfying and loving for both people.
