Star Wars Semen Spill
Police say a Florida man masturbated to the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue in a Sarasota Walmart.
What's more, he did this in the toy aisle, unleashing his semen onto the floor, according to an affidavit obtained by The Smoking Gun.
Wait, it gets better... because he then wiped his hand on the nearest thing he could find: a toy lightsaber.
William Tyler Black, a 28-year-old substitute teacher, claimed he was looking for a toy for his daughter.
I'm not sure what the most disturbing part of that sentence is.
What's more, he allegedly told police afterward, "I swear I'm not a pervert."
Nope. Just a really, really big fan of Star Wars and the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue who got very excited when he found both in the same place.
What's more, he did this in the toy aisle, unleashing his semen onto the floor, according to an affidavit obtained by The Smoking Gun.
Wait, it gets better... because he then wiped his hand on the nearest thing he could find: a toy lightsaber.
William Tyler Black, a 28-year-old substitute teacher, claimed he was looking for a toy for his daughter.
I'm not sure what the most disturbing part of that sentence is.
What's more, he allegedly told police afterward, "I swear I'm not a pervert."
Nope. Just a really, really big fan of Star Wars and the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue who got very excited when he found both in the same place.
