Tips To Help You To Save Your Marriage - It" s Not Over Yet
Since you're here, you believe that your marriage IS worth saving. Just because you're having problems now, and may have been having problems for a while now, you are now looking for ways to save your marriage. Even if you are the only one who wants to take action to save it, you definitely can.
When did the trouble start?
Think back to when the trouble began. It may very well have been a small thing that just got out of control. Couples try to 'sweep it under the rug' - they ignore the problem, hoping that it will go away on its own.
This almost never happens. All ignoring the problem will do is let the problem grow and grow, until it becomes a major problem.
If you can remember how at least some of the problems started, you will give yourself a starting point for saving your marriage. From here, it's all uphill. Now, if you could only talk to your spouse about it...
How to talk to your spouse
This is where many couples have a hard time. Who wants to face the facts, and admit that their marriage is in trouble? Not too many people - that's for sure.
Don't start off by accusing your spouse of causing the trouble. It is neither of your fault, and it is both of your fault, at the same time. It is both of your fault because the issue wasn't dealt with from the beginning. But it was neither of your fault because maybe you just didn't want to upset the other one, and you both thought it would resolve itself.
You have to find a way to talk about it now. Don't try to talk when you or your spouse just get home from work. There is tension already, and you don't want to add to it. Give yourselves some time to relax. Talking is much easier to do when there is less stress.
After dinner, after the kids go to bed (if you have kids), while you're watching tv or reading, bring the subject up. You could say, 'I feel that....', or 'I just realized...', or 'something is bothering me, and I don't know what to do'.
By putting 'I' in front of whatever you are going to say, you are actually taking pressure off of your spouse. They won't get defensive, because you're not blaming them.
When did the trouble start?
Think back to when the trouble began. It may very well have been a small thing that just got out of control. Couples try to 'sweep it under the rug' - they ignore the problem, hoping that it will go away on its own.
This almost never happens. All ignoring the problem will do is let the problem grow and grow, until it becomes a major problem.
If you can remember how at least some of the problems started, you will give yourself a starting point for saving your marriage. From here, it's all uphill. Now, if you could only talk to your spouse about it...
How to talk to your spouse
This is where many couples have a hard time. Who wants to face the facts, and admit that their marriage is in trouble? Not too many people - that's for sure.
Don't start off by accusing your spouse of causing the trouble. It is neither of your fault, and it is both of your fault, at the same time. It is both of your fault because the issue wasn't dealt with from the beginning. But it was neither of your fault because maybe you just didn't want to upset the other one, and you both thought it would resolve itself.
You have to find a way to talk about it now. Don't try to talk when you or your spouse just get home from work. There is tension already, and you don't want to add to it. Give yourselves some time to relax. Talking is much easier to do when there is less stress.
After dinner, after the kids go to bed (if you have kids), while you're watching tv or reading, bring the subject up. You could say, 'I feel that....', or 'I just realized...', or 'something is bothering me, and I don't know what to do'.
By putting 'I' in front of whatever you are going to say, you are actually taking pressure off of your spouse. They won't get defensive, because you're not blaming them.
