As mom's we are often blessed with a host of personal relationships.
We are generally the nucleus of family connections, organizing, socializing, keeping family members updated and informed about our lives and the children, negotiating family visits, holiday gatherings, and making sure that everyone is happy and taken care of in the process.
However, in our attempts to create a cohesive family we can lose ourselves and our own needs.
Although you may have had a career, in which you were/are quite assertive, at home many moms end up putting family before everything, even themselves.
And as much as times have changed, cultural expectations still push us to put family needs before our own.
To assert yourself effectively you must think through what you want and need, what the other person is able to give and how to approach the situation.
1.
Know Yourself.
Determine what you want by asking yourself the following questions: What specific results or changes do you want from this situation? For example, you may have wanted someone to help you, someone to be quiet, someone to give you something etc.
Do I want the other persons respect or attention? (For example, do you want the person to respect your opinion? Listen to your point of view? Spend time with you? Enjoy your company?) How do I want to feel about myself after the interaction? (Do you want to feel that you stuck to your values? Were truthful? Were persistent and heard?) 2.
Know Your Audience.
Before making a request, ask yourself these questions about the other person involved.
Is the person able to give me what I want? If they are asking for something from me, am I able to give it to them? Is it a good time to ask? Is the person in the mood? Does my request conflict with their morals or values? Is the request appropriate to the current relationship?What have I done for the person? Am I giving at least as much as I get? Do I owe the person a favor? 3.
Ask.
Take the plunge, this is about getting what you want and need.
It's about learning how to stand up for your rights in a way that they are taken seriously.
It's important to practice asking others to do something for you in a way that they do it.
And it's just as important to say 'no' to things that you don't want, and to get your opinion taken seriously.
To do this, you must describe the situation or problem to the other person as you see it.
Then express how it makes you feel.
Are you hurt, angry, feeling left out etc.
? Now ask.
Say clearly what it is that you want.
It's easy to hint or imply what you want at this point, but it's best to really ask in a straight forward manner.
Don't forget to let the other person know what is in it for them.
Maybe honoring your request would improve your relationship, or would have some other effect that is positive for them.
So be sure to articulate why this is good for them, too.
Finally, keep focused.
If the conversation gets off track, bring it back and be willing to negotiate if necessary.
It's a lot to take in, but beginning to really look at what you need is important.
Asking for something in a way that makes someone else want to give it to you is a real skill that can change y our life.
Sometimes taking one small worry or conflict off your plate can move your lif back into balance.