Seek Out Support
Seek Out Support
Updated June 26, 2013.
When faced with an unplanned pregnancy, deciding what to do may feel overwhelming as you are likely to be feeling all types of mixed emotions. You basically have three options:
Making this decision requires a lot of thinking and self-examination on your part. The right choice is the one that works best for you, and is one that you feel comfortable with.
When considering your pregnancy options, try to examine each of these choices thoroughly and honestly.
You do not have to make this decision by yourself. Even though the decision is ultimately up to YOU and only you, it may be helpful to discuss your feelings and situation with somebody who will be supportive like your partner, a friend, or a family member. Keep in mind, though, that this is a very personal decision, so do not allow other people, such as your partner, parents, or family pressure you into a decision that you may regret later.
Checklists on Choosing Parenting, Adoption, or Abortion
Updated June 26, 2013.
To decide the best option for you, it helps to have realistic expectations about what you may be facing. The following checklists may offer some clarity by helping your assess your thought processes.
There are no correct answers to these checklists. When you are finished completing them, read over your answers and evaluate what they mean to you. See if you notice any patterns in your answers as this may begin to help guide you in your decision-making process.
Choosing To Become A Parent
Updated June 26, 2013.
One of your options is to continue your pregnancy and raise a child. Parents must provide a nurturing environment for their children and help guide them to reach their potential in life. Raising a child can also be expensive from diapers, clothing, and food to shelter, child care, and education. The more you understand the expectations of a parent’s role, the more prepared you'll be. If you are leaning in this direction, you will also need to consider whether you will be parenting with a partner, or if you'll be a single parent.
If your intention is co-parenting with your partner, then ask yourself if the following statements would apply to your situation:
Yes No Unsure
() () () 1. We're both financially ready for parenthood
() () () 2. We're both emotionally ready to be parents
() () () 3. We'd be together even if I was not pregnant
() () () 4. I know what to expect of my partner
() () () 5. My partner knows what to expect of me
() () () 6. If I start a family now, I will still be able to get what I want in life
() () () 7. Our parents are pushing us into marriage
() () () 8. My partner agrees that he will share responsibility for child care and housework
() () () 9. We have difficulty discussing having a long-term, committed relationship
() () () 10. Getting married will make us feel less guilty about sex and being pregnant
() () () 11. I am prepared to be a single parent if things don't work out between us
() () () 12. We realize the costs associated with parenthood and will be able to afford a having a child
Deciding to Be A Single Parent
Updated June 26, 2013.
Being a single parent can be a demanding task, yet parenthood is also filled with many joys. Single parenting can be challenging, even with the help of your family and friends, as it may be hard to balance the tasks of providing for your child economically (earning a living) as well emotionally (being there to care for your child). Also, as a single parent, you will most likely have to sacrifice your personal freedom in order to be available to be a parent to your child.
If you think that will most likely be parenting alone (as a single mother), ask yourself if the following would apply to your life:
Yes No Unsure
() () () 1. My baby will give me all the love I need
() () () 2. I will end up being more dependent on other people
() () () 3. I am okay with having to rely on others for help and assistance
() () () 4. I realize the costs associated with parenthood and will be able to afford having a child
() () () 5. I have family and friends who will be supportive
() () () 6. I am willing (and OK with) putting school and my career on hold
() () () 7. Having a (another child will only strengthen my family
() () () 8. I have somebody who will always be available to help -- someone I can trust to take care of the baby when I'm at work, school, or sick
() () () 9. I realize (and am OK with the notion) that being a single mother may make it difficult for me to find a future life partner
() () () 10.
I am prepared to put my child's need above all others (including my own)
() () () 11. I feel that I am being pressured to keep the baby
Choosing Adoption
Updated June 26, 2013.
Adoption is the legal act of permanently placing a baby with another set of parents. An adoption can be arranged through relatives, an adoption agency, or independently. Adoption laws vary in each state, so you may want to see if there is a time frame that you can still change your mind, whether minors need parental consent to place a child for adoption (most states don't require this), and what the birth father's rights are.
Many women who choose adoption feel satisfied with this choice, yet some do report that their sense of loss is stronger than what they had expected.
If you are leaning towards adoption, ask yourself if the following would apply:
Yes No Unsure
() () () 1. Nobody is pressuring me to choose adoption
() () () I believe that my child will have a better life this way
() () () 3. I respect women who choose adoption
() () () 4. I can accept and be alright with not being my child's parent
() () () 5. I don't think that I can fulfill a child's needs right now
() () () 6. I don't believe I can be an effective/attentive parent at this time
() () () 7. I will be able to handle the feelings of loss that I may experience
() () () 8. The child's birth father will approve of the adoption
() () () 9. I am selecting adoption because abortion scares me
() () () 10. I have people in my life who will support me, through my pregnancy and the adoption process
() () () 11.
I am choosing adoption because I don't believe in abortion
() () () 12. Adoption seems to be what I should do but not what I want to do
Updated June 26, 2013.
An abortion is a procedure that ends a pregnancy. It is safe and legal, yet the risk of complications does increase the longer a pregnancy continues. Some women say that an early abortion feels like menstrual cramps; some feel a lot of discomfort while others report that it's only a little uncomfortable.
For teens, you may need to find out:
If you are considering choosing an abortion, ask yourself the following:
Yes No Unsure
() () () 1. I can afford to pay for an abortion
() () () 2. I want to be a parent, just not now
() () () 3. I want this pregnancy to go away, so I'm willing to have an abortion to end it
() () () 4. No one is pressuring me to obtain an abortion
() () () 5. Abortion goes against my religious beliefs
() () () 6. I can afford to have a child right now
() () () 7. I will be able to handle the feelings associated with having an abortion
() () () 8. (For minors) If I have to, I am prepared to go before a judge to get permission for an abortion
() () () 9. I don't respect women who have abortions
() () () 10. I have people in my life who will support me in this decision
() () () 11.
If I have an abortion, I cannot tell my family and/or partner
Updated June 26, 2013.
Some women have found it to be helpful to find a neutral person as support during this confusing time. You might turn to a counselor or health educator at a family planning clinic. These clinics have specially trained staff who can honestly and objectively discuss your options with you. You can even print out your answers to these checklists, and discuss them with a counselor. Use these checklists as a source of discussion with whomever you feel most secure talking about your situation with.
If you choose to seek outside support, be careful when selecting a family planning center; many “crisis pregnancy centers” hold an anti-abortion approach. When determining which clinic to obtain information from, make sure that this center:
Source:
Checklists adapted from Planned Parenthood, Pregnancy Options Training.
Updated June 26, 2013.
When faced with an unplanned pregnancy, deciding what to do may feel overwhelming as you are likely to be feeling all types of mixed emotions. You basically have three options:
Making this decision requires a lot of thinking and self-examination on your part. The right choice is the one that works best for you, and is one that you feel comfortable with.
When considering your pregnancy options, try to examine each of these choices thoroughly and honestly.
You do not have to make this decision by yourself. Even though the decision is ultimately up to YOU and only you, it may be helpful to discuss your feelings and situation with somebody who will be supportive like your partner, a friend, or a family member. Keep in mind, though, that this is a very personal decision, so do not allow other people, such as your partner, parents, or family pressure you into a decision that you may regret later.
Checklists on Choosing Parenting, Adoption, or Abortion
Updated June 26, 2013.
To decide the best option for you, it helps to have realistic expectations about what you may be facing. The following checklists may offer some clarity by helping your assess your thought processes.
There are no correct answers to these checklists. When you are finished completing them, read over your answers and evaluate what they mean to you. See if you notice any patterns in your answers as this may begin to help guide you in your decision-making process.
Choosing To Become A Parent
Updated June 26, 2013.
One of your options is to continue your pregnancy and raise a child. Parents must provide a nurturing environment for their children and help guide them to reach their potential in life. Raising a child can also be expensive from diapers, clothing, and food to shelter, child care, and education. The more you understand the expectations of a parent’s role, the more prepared you'll be. If you are leaning in this direction, you will also need to consider whether you will be parenting with a partner, or if you'll be a single parent.
If your intention is co-parenting with your partner, then ask yourself if the following statements would apply to your situation:
Yes No Unsure
() () () 1. We're both financially ready for parenthood
() () () 2. We're both emotionally ready to be parents
() () () 3. We'd be together even if I was not pregnant
() () () 4. I know what to expect of my partner
() () () 5. My partner knows what to expect of me
() () () 6. If I start a family now, I will still be able to get what I want in life
() () () 7. Our parents are pushing us into marriage
() () () 8. My partner agrees that he will share responsibility for child care and housework
() () () 9. We have difficulty discussing having a long-term, committed relationship
() () () 10. Getting married will make us feel less guilty about sex and being pregnant
() () () 11. I am prepared to be a single parent if things don't work out between us
() () () 12. We realize the costs associated with parenthood and will be able to afford a having a child
Deciding to Be A Single Parent
Updated June 26, 2013.
Being a single parent can be a demanding task, yet parenthood is also filled with many joys. Single parenting can be challenging, even with the help of your family and friends, as it may be hard to balance the tasks of providing for your child economically (earning a living) as well emotionally (being there to care for your child). Also, as a single parent, you will most likely have to sacrifice your personal freedom in order to be available to be a parent to your child.
If you think that will most likely be parenting alone (as a single mother), ask yourself if the following would apply to your life:
Yes No Unsure
() () () 1. My baby will give me all the love I need
() () () 2. I will end up being more dependent on other people
() () () 3. I am okay with having to rely on others for help and assistance
() () () 4. I realize the costs associated with parenthood and will be able to afford having a child
() () () 5. I have family and friends who will be supportive
() () () 6. I am willing (and OK with) putting school and my career on hold
() () () 7. Having a (another child will only strengthen my family
() () () 8. I have somebody who will always be available to help -- someone I can trust to take care of the baby when I'm at work, school, or sick
() () () 9. I realize (and am OK with the notion) that being a single mother may make it difficult for me to find a future life partner
() () () 10.
I am prepared to put my child's need above all others (including my own)
() () () 11. I feel that I am being pressured to keep the baby
Choosing Adoption
Updated June 26, 2013.
Adoption is the legal act of permanently placing a baby with another set of parents. An adoption can be arranged through relatives, an adoption agency, or independently. Adoption laws vary in each state, so you may want to see if there is a time frame that you can still change your mind, whether minors need parental consent to place a child for adoption (most states don't require this), and what the birth father's rights are.
Many women who choose adoption feel satisfied with this choice, yet some do report that their sense of loss is stronger than what they had expected.
If you are leaning towards adoption, ask yourself if the following would apply:
Yes No Unsure
() () () 1. Nobody is pressuring me to choose adoption
() () () I believe that my child will have a better life this way
() () () 3. I respect women who choose adoption
() () () 4. I can accept and be alright with not being my child's parent
() () () 5. I don't think that I can fulfill a child's needs right now
() () () 6. I don't believe I can be an effective/attentive parent at this time
() () () 7. I will be able to handle the feelings of loss that I may experience
() () () 8. The child's birth father will approve of the adoption
() () () 9. I am selecting adoption because abortion scares me
() () () 10. I have people in my life who will support me, through my pregnancy and the adoption process
() () () 11.
I am choosing adoption because I don't believe in abortion
() () () 12. Adoption seems to be what I should do but not what I want to do
Updated June 26, 2013.
An abortion is a procedure that ends a pregnancy. It is safe and legal, yet the risk of complications does increase the longer a pregnancy continues. Some women say that an early abortion feels like menstrual cramps; some feel a lot of discomfort while others report that it's only a little uncomfortable.
For teens, you may need to find out:
- How your state defines a minor
- Whether parental consent or notification is required (even though it is probably a wise idea to discuss your situation with them, if you can)
- Can you talk to a judge, who can decide to waive the consent law
- Since laws are always changing, make sure to get the most up-to-date information about your state's laws.
If you are considering choosing an abortion, ask yourself the following:
Yes No Unsure
() () () 1. I can afford to pay for an abortion
() () () 2. I want to be a parent, just not now
() () () 3. I want this pregnancy to go away, so I'm willing to have an abortion to end it
() () () 4. No one is pressuring me to obtain an abortion
() () () 5. Abortion goes against my religious beliefs
() () () 6. I can afford to have a child right now
() () () 7. I will be able to handle the feelings associated with having an abortion
() () () 8. (For minors) If I have to, I am prepared to go before a judge to get permission for an abortion
() () () 9. I don't respect women who have abortions
() () () 10. I have people in my life who will support me in this decision
() () () 11.
If I have an abortion, I cannot tell my family and/or partner
Updated June 26, 2013.
Some women have found it to be helpful to find a neutral person as support during this confusing time. You might turn to a counselor or health educator at a family planning clinic. These clinics have specially trained staff who can honestly and objectively discuss your options with you. You can even print out your answers to these checklists, and discuss them with a counselor. Use these checklists as a source of discussion with whomever you feel most secure talking about your situation with.
If you choose to seek outside support, be careful when selecting a family planning center; many “crisis pregnancy centers” hold an anti-abortion approach. When determining which clinic to obtain information from, make sure that this center:
- Does not pressure you into any decisions
- Provides accurate, complete, and reliable information about all of your pregnancy options
- Allows you to decide who can be a part of this decision-making process
- Does not object if you wish to bring your partner, friend, or family member(s) with you
Source:
Checklists adapted from Planned Parenthood, Pregnancy Options Training.
