Harsh Teacher, Mean Coach - Here"s An Idea for Helping Your Child
As children grow older they have other leaders and authorities influencing their lives.
Coaches, teachers, youth leaders, and other caregivers provide children with alternative sources of leadership.
And many of them direct children differently than you would.
The coach may use a harsher approach, for example.
The youth leader may be more relational, but each of those significant people leaves an important impression on your child.
The older a child gets, the more important other leaders become.
Children benefit from different styles of leadership.
They also learn complementing lessons from others that aid in their development.
The challenge is finding leaders that teach your same values and beliefs instead of those that might undermine your parenting.
You're likely on the lookout for danger signs that your values might be challenged, but sometimes the warning flags go up too soon simply when the relational style is different or when a leader has a more firm or even a harsh approach.
Consider this example.
Terry is fourteen years old.
He's been late to class several times and isn't doing well at turning in his homework.
His dad would say, "He's just sloppy.
He could do better.
He just doesn't seem to care as much as he should.
" Then comes the missed opportunity.
Terry was late to the pre-game baseball practice so the coach didn't let him start.
In fact, he didn't even let him play until the last inning.
He told Terry, "I told you that you needed to get here on time.
You've been late several times and if you want to play, be here on time.
" Terry hadn't just been lazy.
They had car trouble, so Dad decided to take matters into his own hands.
He yelled at the coach for being harsh with his son.
Dad made a strategic error of defending his son instead of using it as a teaching opportunity for Terry.
After all, had Terry developed a reputation of being on time every practice, the coach may then have given him the benefit of the doubt.
Furthermore, tardiness was a real problem for Terry.
Many times Terry is late he justifies it with what he believes is a good reason.
It would have been better to use the last game time as an opportunity to teach his son the value of being on time and building a good reputation with those in charge.
The same truth might then have been applied to school and homework.
Sometimes other leaders and authorities need correction or they need advice about how to work with your child.
However, stop for a moment before you challenge the leadership and undermine the authority of that influence in your child's life.
Might you make a more strategic choice to gain more out of the situation as a learning experience for your child? It might be better to talk with the child afterward by saying something like, "It seemed like the coach was pretty upset because you weren't on time.
What are some ways that you can communicate to the coach that you'll work on this and do better next time?" If you step back and look at the situation for a moment, here's what you'll see.
Your child has a weakness.
That weakness was revealed in another setting and a leader took some disciplinary action, maybe a tougher approach than you would have liked.
However, it's discipline nonetheless.
You then are spared from the task of issuing a consequence.
It's been done for you.
Instead, you get to act as counselor or coach.
What a great opportunity to help your child learn and you don't have to be the bad guy.
Your children need help processing how best to relate to other leaders and authorities in their lives.
After all, as your kids grow up they'll likely have bosses that lead differently than you do.
Now is an excellent time to teach children how to relate to various kinds of authority, even when that leader is harsh.
Other leaders in a child's life may do it differently, allowing you opportunity to teach your kids valuable lessons.
The flip side of this principle is also true.
Sometimes another leader or authority can teach your child something that you haven't been able to communicate successfully.
For example, a youth leader may give your child a vision for working hard in school because the good grades will help with getting into college.
Of course, you've been saying that for years but your child hasn't listened.
Somehow the youth leader made the connection.
Look for ways to get your kids under the leadership of other people in order to pass on good values and convictions to them.
That's one of the reasons many parents have their children take piano lessons, get involved in church youth group, or join a scouting program.
One mom said, "My son lacked confidence and self-control.
So when he expressed an interested in martial arts I was thrilled.
I signed him up right away.
The instructors are firm and teach the kids respect and self-control.
My son has joined the leadership track now and is gaining more self-confidence as he has to be in front of the group leading exercises and activities.
" Teachers at school have to deal with all kinds of parents.
Some parents blame the teachers for the child's poor performance.
Other parents criticize the teachers for being too hard on the kids.
Make sure your child's teachers know that you are grateful for their leadership and that you support them.
Furthermore, encourage the teachers to pull your child aside and offer words of advice or correction.
When teachers know that you're supportive, they're much more inclined to take initiative and go out of their way to help your child.
When you teach children to value other leaders and authorities, you're teaching them how to apply an important concept from the Bible.
1 Peter 2:13 says, "Submit yourselves for the Lord's sake to every authority instituted among men: whether to the king, as the supreme authority, or to governors, who are sent by him to punish those who do wrong and to commend those who do right.
" One quality children need to learn in life is responsiveness to authority.
As a parent you are already trying to teach that to your kids regularly by giving them instructions, holding them accountable, and providing direction.
Kids need to learn how to transfer that quality to other leaders and authorities as well.
That may not be easy when a teacher does something different than the child is used to.
Other leaders in a child's life can enhance your work as a parent.
So look for ways to support them.
Take advantage of the differences to teach your kids about leadership and submission.
If children are able, you might evaluate different styles of leadership to encourage a child to learn from a situation.
What makes a good coach or an effective teacher? Likely the answer to that question has to do with leadership gifts.
As you teach children various ways to support leaders in their lives, you are preparing them for many challenges they'll face in the future.
Good responses to leadership start now and have significant ramifications for the future.
Coaches, teachers, youth leaders, and other caregivers provide children with alternative sources of leadership.
And many of them direct children differently than you would.
The coach may use a harsher approach, for example.
The youth leader may be more relational, but each of those significant people leaves an important impression on your child.
The older a child gets, the more important other leaders become.
Children benefit from different styles of leadership.
They also learn complementing lessons from others that aid in their development.
The challenge is finding leaders that teach your same values and beliefs instead of those that might undermine your parenting.
You're likely on the lookout for danger signs that your values might be challenged, but sometimes the warning flags go up too soon simply when the relational style is different or when a leader has a more firm or even a harsh approach.
Consider this example.
Terry is fourteen years old.
He's been late to class several times and isn't doing well at turning in his homework.
His dad would say, "He's just sloppy.
He could do better.
He just doesn't seem to care as much as he should.
" Then comes the missed opportunity.
Terry was late to the pre-game baseball practice so the coach didn't let him start.
In fact, he didn't even let him play until the last inning.
He told Terry, "I told you that you needed to get here on time.
You've been late several times and if you want to play, be here on time.
" Terry hadn't just been lazy.
They had car trouble, so Dad decided to take matters into his own hands.
He yelled at the coach for being harsh with his son.
Dad made a strategic error of defending his son instead of using it as a teaching opportunity for Terry.
After all, had Terry developed a reputation of being on time every practice, the coach may then have given him the benefit of the doubt.
Furthermore, tardiness was a real problem for Terry.
Many times Terry is late he justifies it with what he believes is a good reason.
It would have been better to use the last game time as an opportunity to teach his son the value of being on time and building a good reputation with those in charge.
The same truth might then have been applied to school and homework.
Sometimes other leaders and authorities need correction or they need advice about how to work with your child.
However, stop for a moment before you challenge the leadership and undermine the authority of that influence in your child's life.
Might you make a more strategic choice to gain more out of the situation as a learning experience for your child? It might be better to talk with the child afterward by saying something like, "It seemed like the coach was pretty upset because you weren't on time.
What are some ways that you can communicate to the coach that you'll work on this and do better next time?" If you step back and look at the situation for a moment, here's what you'll see.
Your child has a weakness.
That weakness was revealed in another setting and a leader took some disciplinary action, maybe a tougher approach than you would have liked.
However, it's discipline nonetheless.
You then are spared from the task of issuing a consequence.
It's been done for you.
Instead, you get to act as counselor or coach.
What a great opportunity to help your child learn and you don't have to be the bad guy.
Your children need help processing how best to relate to other leaders and authorities in their lives.
After all, as your kids grow up they'll likely have bosses that lead differently than you do.
Now is an excellent time to teach children how to relate to various kinds of authority, even when that leader is harsh.
Other leaders in a child's life may do it differently, allowing you opportunity to teach your kids valuable lessons.
The flip side of this principle is also true.
Sometimes another leader or authority can teach your child something that you haven't been able to communicate successfully.
For example, a youth leader may give your child a vision for working hard in school because the good grades will help with getting into college.
Of course, you've been saying that for years but your child hasn't listened.
Somehow the youth leader made the connection.
Look for ways to get your kids under the leadership of other people in order to pass on good values and convictions to them.
That's one of the reasons many parents have their children take piano lessons, get involved in church youth group, or join a scouting program.
One mom said, "My son lacked confidence and self-control.
So when he expressed an interested in martial arts I was thrilled.
I signed him up right away.
The instructors are firm and teach the kids respect and self-control.
My son has joined the leadership track now and is gaining more self-confidence as he has to be in front of the group leading exercises and activities.
" Teachers at school have to deal with all kinds of parents.
Some parents blame the teachers for the child's poor performance.
Other parents criticize the teachers for being too hard on the kids.
Make sure your child's teachers know that you are grateful for their leadership and that you support them.
Furthermore, encourage the teachers to pull your child aside and offer words of advice or correction.
When teachers know that you're supportive, they're much more inclined to take initiative and go out of their way to help your child.
When you teach children to value other leaders and authorities, you're teaching them how to apply an important concept from the Bible.
1 Peter 2:13 says, "Submit yourselves for the Lord's sake to every authority instituted among men: whether to the king, as the supreme authority, or to governors, who are sent by him to punish those who do wrong and to commend those who do right.
" One quality children need to learn in life is responsiveness to authority.
As a parent you are already trying to teach that to your kids regularly by giving them instructions, holding them accountable, and providing direction.
Kids need to learn how to transfer that quality to other leaders and authorities as well.
That may not be easy when a teacher does something different than the child is used to.
Other leaders in a child's life can enhance your work as a parent.
So look for ways to support them.
Take advantage of the differences to teach your kids about leadership and submission.
If children are able, you might evaluate different styles of leadership to encourage a child to learn from a situation.
What makes a good coach or an effective teacher? Likely the answer to that question has to do with leadership gifts.
As you teach children various ways to support leaders in their lives, you are preparing them for many challenges they'll face in the future.
Good responses to leadership start now and have significant ramifications for the future.
