When most people hear the words ejaculation and orgasm together they probably think of men (or, at least, a particular body part that is most often associated with men).  And they also probably think that the two words are synonymous.  In fact many researchers and sex educators use the terms interchangeably.

This makes some sense (even though all sorts of bodies are capable of ejaculation) given that science and medicine largely consider men's bodies and male sexuality to be the norm from which all variations can be mapped.


 

But the idea that there is a male norm which constitutes the starting point of what we know about sex is as wrong as the idea that ejaculation and orgasm are the same thing.

Ejaculation refers to the process by which fluid is expelled from the body.  Science and medicine has mostly focussed on how this happens in bodies with penises (what we usually think of as male bodies).  In these bodies ejaculation involves two stages:  emission and expulsion.  The emission stage is when, usually as a result of physical stimulation, muscular contractions move semen to the base of the urethra.  The expulsion stage refers to the fluid spurting out of the penis.  In bodies with a vulva, clitoris, and vagina, the process of ejaculation is not as well documented by modern medicine.  Nonetheless the general idea seems to be the same, that fluid collects and then is expelled from the body through a process that probably involves endocrine, vascular, and muscular systems.

Orgasm refers to a subjective experience that is physical, psychological, emotional, and for some people spiritual.

  Orgasm often occurs immediately following ejaculation, but many people (of all genders) can experience orgasm without any fluid coming out of their bodies.  And some people experience ejaculation without orgasm.

Why the Difference Matters
You might be thinking, “ejaculation, orgasm, it’s all good, so who cares whether they are the same or different?”  And maybe for you it doesn’t matter.

But understanding that these are two separate processes and experiences is important for a number of people:

• people who orgasm but don’t ejaculate (and want to ejaculate)
• people who ejaculate but don’t orgasm (and want to orgasm)
• people who ejaculate and orgasm but both happen faster than they would like (often called premature ejaculation)

If you want to change the way you respond it can be very helpful to start by paying close attention to how you are responding to sexual stimulation in the first place.  One example is to notice how ejaculation and orgasm feel different in your body.

Our bodies are capable of far more sexually than most of us imagine for the simple reason that almost none of us are encouraged to think of ourselves as deeply sexual.  At best we’re encouraged to think of ourselves as capable of fulfilling the expectations of our gender when it comes to sex.  Of “performing.”

How to Spot the Difference
If you are someone who orgasms without ejaculation (most common among women) then the first step is to learn how to ejaculate in the first place.  It’s unlikely that every body can learn to ejaculate.  Nothing is true for every body.  But anecdotal reports suggest that far more people can learn than believe they can, so it’s worth a shot if you’re interested.  Once you have learned the distinction between orgasm and ejaculation will be much clearer for you, since you’ve long experienced orgasm without ejaculation.

If you are someone who regularly orgasms with ejaculation then the task is to slow down the process a bit so you can pay closer attention to how your body moves through the various phases of sexual response.

The best way to learn to distinguish orgasm and ejaculation is to start on your own, when you are masturbating.  Sex with someone else is so distracting!  You’re (rightly so) thinking of your partner a bit, and it can take away from your ability to focus on your own body and your own responses.  As you are masturbating and becoming increasingly aroused, pay close attention to changes in your body, in how you feel, even in how clear your thoughts are.  

One way to slow the process down is to let yourself get near the edge of ejaculation and orgasm, and then slow down or stop stimulating yourself.  It’s most effective if you are masturbating without using any kind of visual stimulation (like pornography) which can be distracting.

This technique is similar to that which men use to learn to have multiple orgasms.  

Bottom Line
The fact that ejaculation and orgasm are separate experiences and events in the body shouldn’t be thought of as a tool of proof that one way of experiencing sex is better than another.  Everybody (and every body) is different.  But we live in a society where we are not taught even the most basic things about our sexual bodies and response, and while knowledge isn’t enough to change our sex lives, it’s a good start!