Low Self-Image
So much of how we value ourselves is based on current media obsessions. Articles about losing weight or adverts about counteracting that 'bloated' feeling all seem to point the finger at women. Don't men experience these problems?
Of course, we all inherit our body's individual genetic makeup, with its varying ability to metabolise fats, so must learn how our own body deals with food, and adjust our habits accordingly.
Back in the 1950s women complained that they were too thin, striving for that impossible Diana Dors or Jane Mansfield hourglass figure. Voluptuous curves and cinched-in waists were all the rage back then, and thin women cried themselves to sleep at the impossibility of achieving their own shapely curves.
But in 2009, that ideal of perfection has changed alarmingly. To illustrate the point, here's an extract from a case study of someone talking to her therapist.
Brenda*. I'm so unhappy with myself for being overweight. I know I'm running myself down but I can't help it. I feel as though I don't deserve nice things because of the way I look. It's got to the point that I don't think I could change even if I wanted to. When I was a child, mum always told me that dad didn't want me, saying I wasn't his.
John* (Brenda's therapist). Tell me a little more about your negative feelings.
Brenda. I've always enjoyed music so finally forced myself to attend a local dance class. I was feeling O.K. at the beginning. I knew how to do the steps. But then this other woman walked in, all slim and wearing the right clothes. I knew right away that she would get everything right and then I wouldn't be able to. And that's exactly what happened. I stumbled and fell, making a fool of myself in front of everybody. There's always a voice inside saying 'you're rubbish; other people are so much better than you'.
John. You opened up to me earlier about your family. It's clear that you put a lot of other people before yourself. If you looked in the mirror and were able to see a really beautiful woman who's taking care of herself and taking care of her family, how would you feel to look at that person?
Brenda. I don't know because I don't think I've ever been in that position.
John. But let's say you looked in the mirror and by some trick of the light that's what you thought you saw. How do you think you would feel about it?
Brenda. I suppose I'd feel confident..
John. I suggest that if you looked at the perfect you staring back at yourself in the mirror you'd still find something bad to say about yourself. Or, you'd probably say something like 'that's not really me. I don't deserve to look like that.'
Brenda. You know, I think you're right. Four years ago I lost weight down to a really slim size 10 or 12. Then something happened to me at church and suddenly I started eating again, really wolfing everything down as fast as I could swallow.
John. It's pretty clear to me, Brenda, that it's really got nothing to do with how you actually look. It's about whether you're prepared to respect yourself.
Brenda. I wouldn't know where to start.
(*Names changed)
The above case-study is quite illuminating. It reveals that overeating can have many different causes but mainly revolves around self-respect. If you find yourself identifying with Brenda, one of the most constructive things to do would be to join a support group - you can get information via the Uticopa.com site. This would help you to unearth the underlying causes for your lack of self-respect and so begin to change your whole outlook on life.
Another simple thing you could do is to visualise an early photo of yourself, preferably one where you are smiling and looking up at the camera. Then, mentally pop that tiny image into an imaginary top pocket in your blouse or jacket and regularly smile down at yourself and forgive yourself.
Once that simple act of forgiveness has taken place, the overeating will simply disappear. And, when you are feeling good inside, I want you to don your favourite outfit - the one with colours that really flatter you - and take a good look at yourself in the mirror. It doesn't really matter about your weight - that's just society's current obsession - it's about how you feel inside that matters.
Just taking these few simple steps will have an enormous benefit. Your self-esteem will rise and you'll at last feel contented inside. See that little image of yourself in your top pocket? She's grinning broadly back at you.
At last!
Of course, we all inherit our body's individual genetic makeup, with its varying ability to metabolise fats, so must learn how our own body deals with food, and adjust our habits accordingly.
Back in the 1950s women complained that they were too thin, striving for that impossible Diana Dors or Jane Mansfield hourglass figure. Voluptuous curves and cinched-in waists were all the rage back then, and thin women cried themselves to sleep at the impossibility of achieving their own shapely curves.
But in 2009, that ideal of perfection has changed alarmingly. To illustrate the point, here's an extract from a case study of someone talking to her therapist.
Brenda*. I'm so unhappy with myself for being overweight. I know I'm running myself down but I can't help it. I feel as though I don't deserve nice things because of the way I look. It's got to the point that I don't think I could change even if I wanted to. When I was a child, mum always told me that dad didn't want me, saying I wasn't his.
John* (Brenda's therapist). Tell me a little more about your negative feelings.
Brenda. I've always enjoyed music so finally forced myself to attend a local dance class. I was feeling O.K. at the beginning. I knew how to do the steps. But then this other woman walked in, all slim and wearing the right clothes. I knew right away that she would get everything right and then I wouldn't be able to. And that's exactly what happened. I stumbled and fell, making a fool of myself in front of everybody. There's always a voice inside saying 'you're rubbish; other people are so much better than you'.
John. You opened up to me earlier about your family. It's clear that you put a lot of other people before yourself. If you looked in the mirror and were able to see a really beautiful woman who's taking care of herself and taking care of her family, how would you feel to look at that person?
Brenda. I don't know because I don't think I've ever been in that position.
John. But let's say you looked in the mirror and by some trick of the light that's what you thought you saw. How do you think you would feel about it?
Brenda. I suppose I'd feel confident..
John. I suggest that if you looked at the perfect you staring back at yourself in the mirror you'd still find something bad to say about yourself. Or, you'd probably say something like 'that's not really me. I don't deserve to look like that.'
Brenda. You know, I think you're right. Four years ago I lost weight down to a really slim size 10 or 12. Then something happened to me at church and suddenly I started eating again, really wolfing everything down as fast as I could swallow.
John. It's pretty clear to me, Brenda, that it's really got nothing to do with how you actually look. It's about whether you're prepared to respect yourself.
Brenda. I wouldn't know where to start.
(*Names changed)
The above case-study is quite illuminating. It reveals that overeating can have many different causes but mainly revolves around self-respect. If you find yourself identifying with Brenda, one of the most constructive things to do would be to join a support group - you can get information via the Uticopa.com site. This would help you to unearth the underlying causes for your lack of self-respect and so begin to change your whole outlook on life.
Another simple thing you could do is to visualise an early photo of yourself, preferably one where you are smiling and looking up at the camera. Then, mentally pop that tiny image into an imaginary top pocket in your blouse or jacket and regularly smile down at yourself and forgive yourself.
Once that simple act of forgiveness has taken place, the overeating will simply disappear. And, when you are feeling good inside, I want you to don your favourite outfit - the one with colours that really flatter you - and take a good look at yourself in the mirror. It doesn't really matter about your weight - that's just society's current obsession - it's about how you feel inside that matters.
Just taking these few simple steps will have an enormous benefit. Your self-esteem will rise and you'll at last feel contented inside. See that little image of yourself in your top pocket? She's grinning broadly back at you.
At last!
