Settle Your Soul for a Better Future
Settle Your Soul
It's no good spending valuable healing time torturing yourself by going over your past life events. No matter what, you can not change them. They are what makes you good or bad!
Settling your soul starts with the acceptance that you can not change the past. Using your knowledge and experience to shape your future is what you should spend time thinking about. No one knows the core you better than you. Quite often psychologists, counsellors and social workers come into people's lives, get them to talk about their past and analyse the information, giving it back to them in a very identifiable form. The person being €helped' thinks wow, how fantastic and they have a feeling of relief. Months later that feeling goes and the question arises, €ok you've identified why I am like I am but nothing has happened since then. When are you going to make me feel better?' Using a solution focussed approach to your problem gives you a way forward by encouraging you to think about how to shape the future not dwell in the past.
Settling your soul is best tackled by accepting who you are and understanding that you made past decisions with the knowledge you had then and that now your knowledge is different and that given the situation again you would not react in the same way.
We all have a past history, we all have negative experiences; we all develop differently. What we have to understand is that we are a product of our past. The way we deal with that past makes the difference. We can let past negative influences make us negative, or we can use the experience to adjust ourselves to a positive reaction and we can use the information to alter our environment to a positive place. Being subjected to many life negatives does not mean that you can't change them. But it does mean that you have to make greater efforts to change your mindset to feel better about yourself and to find the positives.
Settling your soul means accepting your past and your self. Coming from a €difficult' background does not mean that you are destined for a difficult future. In fact if you think about it, if your life experience to date has been difficult, then you should be able to use all of that understanding to make a better future.
Don't Be Hard On Yourself - Enjoy You Warts And All!!!!!
Use Your Unique Knowledge.
What you have is priceless. Don't underestimate your worth. Your knowledge is unique to you and whether you like it or not, good or bad it all belongs solely to you. You make your decision in this knowledge, it affects your every day thoughts and events.
Understand that no matter what, there are no negatives in there it's all positive if you use the knowledge you've gained to good effect it is absolutely Priceless!
Let's say that you are in a relationship that you are not enjoying. Why are you still there? The answer may well be that you are hoping something will change to make it €better'. Or you just don't feel that you have the strength to move away from it.
Your reasons for staying are unique to you. Inside, you know the real reasons. To come to the reasons you have used your knowledge. It is this that determines how you cope. It may be that you have reflected on your past and that you have the knowledge that you have done something in the past that you regret and that you are blaming yourself for it. Reflect again on this and use your knowledge to inform you, not destroy you. Maybe you should have moved out of the relationship years ago but you did not. Don't dwell on this. It may be that you are feeling guilty for thoughts or things that you consider are wrong. By all means reflect on your past but accept that we all do things that we regret. What you don't want to do is to continue to do something that you know is wrong. Don't try to appease everyone else you can't win them all so don't try, accept that some people will not understand and accept your position. That is a matter for them not you. Keeping a failing relationship alive because of your guilt or because you are trying to please others is not a positive way forward. It leads to uncertainty. Being vague about what you really mean to try to lessen the impact of the relationship's end is more damaging than a clean break. Vagueness leads to unhelpful responses from those around you.
Ending a relationship cleanly and quickly may be brutal but weaning someone off you for months is down right abusive!
Using your knowledge to define your problem will help you to come to a positive conclusion.
When people are unclear about what they want to change, attempts at finding solutions are often misguided. This can lead to frustration especially when nothing seems to be improving. If you are unsure about the exact nature of your problem take the time to trawl your knowledge and find the reasons behind your needs then act on them.
Be Yourself!
Easier said than done I know, as the majority of us try to get everyone else to like us and as such we actually lose ourselves.
Pleasing others and denying our €self' leads to frustration, anxiety and often anger. Rarely does it result in happiness as, sooner or later, our true self comes through. So the best way is to start as we mean to go on. Be true to your self. Don't fall in to the trap of trying to please others for their acceptance of you. Keep your beliefs and make sure that you stand up for them. Understand that people have a right to disagree with you but that shouldn't make you feel that you are in the wrong or that your position has no value.
If you have allowed your views and feelings to be hidden because of a lack of self esteem then changing that position will not come overnight. But come it will if you start to believe in you! If it helps, begin the change slowly. Make a point and stick to it. The more you do the better and easier it gets.
Copyright: Kenn Griffiths, All Rights Reserved.
About the author:
Kenn Griffiths is a writer, independent social worker and founder of the internationally acclaimed children and family website mychildcontact.com
You are free to publish this article but do include this link http://www.mychildcontact.com
It's no good spending valuable healing time torturing yourself by going over your past life events. No matter what, you can not change them. They are what makes you good or bad!
Settling your soul starts with the acceptance that you can not change the past. Using your knowledge and experience to shape your future is what you should spend time thinking about. No one knows the core you better than you. Quite often psychologists, counsellors and social workers come into people's lives, get them to talk about their past and analyse the information, giving it back to them in a very identifiable form. The person being €helped' thinks wow, how fantastic and they have a feeling of relief. Months later that feeling goes and the question arises, €ok you've identified why I am like I am but nothing has happened since then. When are you going to make me feel better?' Using a solution focussed approach to your problem gives you a way forward by encouraging you to think about how to shape the future not dwell in the past.
Settling your soul is best tackled by accepting who you are and understanding that you made past decisions with the knowledge you had then and that now your knowledge is different and that given the situation again you would not react in the same way.
We all have a past history, we all have negative experiences; we all develop differently. What we have to understand is that we are a product of our past. The way we deal with that past makes the difference. We can let past negative influences make us negative, or we can use the experience to adjust ourselves to a positive reaction and we can use the information to alter our environment to a positive place. Being subjected to many life negatives does not mean that you can't change them. But it does mean that you have to make greater efforts to change your mindset to feel better about yourself and to find the positives.
Settling your soul means accepting your past and your self. Coming from a €difficult' background does not mean that you are destined for a difficult future. In fact if you think about it, if your life experience to date has been difficult, then you should be able to use all of that understanding to make a better future.
Don't Be Hard On Yourself - Enjoy You Warts And All!!!!!
Use Your Unique Knowledge.
What you have is priceless. Don't underestimate your worth. Your knowledge is unique to you and whether you like it or not, good or bad it all belongs solely to you. You make your decision in this knowledge, it affects your every day thoughts and events.
Understand that no matter what, there are no negatives in there it's all positive if you use the knowledge you've gained to good effect it is absolutely Priceless!
Let's say that you are in a relationship that you are not enjoying. Why are you still there? The answer may well be that you are hoping something will change to make it €better'. Or you just don't feel that you have the strength to move away from it.
Your reasons for staying are unique to you. Inside, you know the real reasons. To come to the reasons you have used your knowledge. It is this that determines how you cope. It may be that you have reflected on your past and that you have the knowledge that you have done something in the past that you regret and that you are blaming yourself for it. Reflect again on this and use your knowledge to inform you, not destroy you. Maybe you should have moved out of the relationship years ago but you did not. Don't dwell on this. It may be that you are feeling guilty for thoughts or things that you consider are wrong. By all means reflect on your past but accept that we all do things that we regret. What you don't want to do is to continue to do something that you know is wrong. Don't try to appease everyone else you can't win them all so don't try, accept that some people will not understand and accept your position. That is a matter for them not you. Keeping a failing relationship alive because of your guilt or because you are trying to please others is not a positive way forward. It leads to uncertainty. Being vague about what you really mean to try to lessen the impact of the relationship's end is more damaging than a clean break. Vagueness leads to unhelpful responses from those around you.
Ending a relationship cleanly and quickly may be brutal but weaning someone off you for months is down right abusive!
Using your knowledge to define your problem will help you to come to a positive conclusion.
When people are unclear about what they want to change, attempts at finding solutions are often misguided. This can lead to frustration especially when nothing seems to be improving. If you are unsure about the exact nature of your problem take the time to trawl your knowledge and find the reasons behind your needs then act on them.
Be Yourself!
Easier said than done I know, as the majority of us try to get everyone else to like us and as such we actually lose ourselves.
Pleasing others and denying our €self' leads to frustration, anxiety and often anger. Rarely does it result in happiness as, sooner or later, our true self comes through. So the best way is to start as we mean to go on. Be true to your self. Don't fall in to the trap of trying to please others for their acceptance of you. Keep your beliefs and make sure that you stand up for them. Understand that people have a right to disagree with you but that shouldn't make you feel that you are in the wrong or that your position has no value.
If you have allowed your views and feelings to be hidden because of a lack of self esteem then changing that position will not come overnight. But come it will if you start to believe in you! If it helps, begin the change slowly. Make a point and stick to it. The more you do the better and easier it gets.
Copyright: Kenn Griffiths, All Rights Reserved.
About the author:
Kenn Griffiths is a writer, independent social worker and founder of the internationally acclaimed children and family website mychildcontact.com
You are free to publish this article but do include this link http://www.mychildcontact.com
