How to Make a Great First Impression on a Date or Otherwise!
I am a veteran internet dater. I have studied countless profiles, looked at endless photographs, and gone on enough dates to qualify me for some type of sainthood. In this brave new world of electronic love, I was a pioneer. (Now I simply seem to be a fixture.) But I have learned some fascinating things about self promotion that can help everyone. (If you think you don't need to sell yourself to others, that is your first mistake. We are always selling--to our bosses, our spouses, even to customer service people! And the most successful self-promoters win.) Some tips:
1.) Appearance matters. You will be judged by how you look, like it or not. Am I going to go out with the guy wearing sandals with socks in his photo? Please. I'm not taking these men on to raise. Are you hiring the candidate with the ZZ Top beard? Or the swastika tattoo? The first impression people form of you--online or off--will be based on your appearance.
2.) The details count. Can't seem to spell or complete a sentence? Call me crazy, but I prefer to date the literate. I'm betting you'd prefer to hire and promote the literate. If you can't write well, it's going to hurt you--even in this technologically savvy world. Stupid and sloppy will always be stupid and sloppy.
3.) Bad attitudes are poison. I'm always surprised at the people who go on rants in their dating profiles about how they've been cheated on, lied to, and just done wrong. I read that and think, "Yay! I've been looking for an angry, bitter man!" People who have bad attitudes--and they manifest in many ways--always being the last one into work and the first to leave, bad body language in meetings, heavy sighing, eye rolling. No one wants to hire, work with or date the miserable (or the angry--I figure some of these guys are one bad date away from serial murder).
4.) Don't lie. I can't believe I even have to list this one, but apparently some people think they can get away with saying they graduated from Harvard when the closest they got was a bar in Boston. Men online think they can lie about their height, women think they can lie about their weight. Really? All that does is make the first meeting painful--for everyone. If you lie, you are a liar. Please--you did not misspeak when you thought you fought in Vietnam or were a Rhodes Scholar or were 6 feet tall. You lied. And you will be labeled as a lair forever. Just tell the truth.
5. Don't take things personally. Holy smokes, it's just online dating! The fates of worlds do not hang in the balance! Sometimes you are going to get blown off or ignored--it happens to everyone. If you start taking everything personally, well, see #3. The same thing happens at work, at school, at the gym--you get slighted. Things don't go your way. Much of the time--it has nothing to do with you. Maybe the clerk really didn't see you. Maybe the online dater is actually married and blows everyone off when it comes time to actually meet in person. Maybe the person you friended on Facebook doesn't like to friend work colleagues. Who knows? Why get upset? Why give other people so much power over you? Be cool; let it roll off your back. You know you have value and worth and that you rock the house! You do know that, don't you?
6. Bring your a-game. If you are going to bother--with anything--give it your best. If you are going to attend the meeting, participate. Don't sit in the corner and play with your Blackberry--everyone sees you and it screams, "I'm WAY too important for this waste of time." I'm pretty sure you aren't getting any texts from the President. In the middle of one disastrous date, the guy asked me if we could have a "real" second date. I'm thinking, "This was a real date and it's the ONLY date we'll ever have." We all make mistakes, but you have to start by giving everything your best shot. This is your real life--the big show--everyday.
7. Self promote. Now you have to find the right balance here--too much and you're arrogant, too little and you're a loser. Do you really want to date "I'm just a nice guy and I'm not too picky, just don't want to be alone" or "I'm a successful guy with a great life and I'm looking for someone extraordinary to share it with." The first guy might think he's being modest, but he comes across as a bit desperate. I'd rather be with the guy who sounds like he's got something going on. You don't have to be a braggart, but if you have special skills or talent or good ideas--let people know! Playing small doesn't serve anyone--least of all you. Look for chances to shine.
8. Know thyself. If you've been late to work for the past ten years, you are simply not punctual. Get over it. Everyone on match.com says they have a good sense of humor. I say if you're so damn funny, why is your profile so hellishly boring? Everyone also thinks they look younger than they are. (Some do, most don't.) Are you thinking you have skills or traits that you don't? Is there a discrepancy between your self image and your true nature? Everyone also thinks they have a great attitude. Apparently we are all good-looking, funny as hell, never lie and are eternally optimistic. (And are all cruising down De Nile.)
9. Stop with the TMI! I am always soooo surprised by the things men tell me on FIRST dates. One told me his ex-wife physically abused him; another said he was still in love with a dead woman. Over share much? This information should be kept to yourself. People post things on FaceBook they should really keep private. You will be judged by your public declarations. Discretion still is the better part of valor. Reveal things when (and if) appropriate.
10. Be yourself. Don't try to be something that you're not. There is no one like you in this entire world - celebrate that! The right job opportunities, the right people, the right everything can only be attracted to the REAL you. So bring your twisted sense of humor, your socks and sandals, your goofy grin - the right person will adore you. The world needs more of YOU - more authenticity and less pretense. So bring you on - in all your glory!
1.) Appearance matters. You will be judged by how you look, like it or not. Am I going to go out with the guy wearing sandals with socks in his photo? Please. I'm not taking these men on to raise. Are you hiring the candidate with the ZZ Top beard? Or the swastika tattoo? The first impression people form of you--online or off--will be based on your appearance.
2.) The details count. Can't seem to spell or complete a sentence? Call me crazy, but I prefer to date the literate. I'm betting you'd prefer to hire and promote the literate. If you can't write well, it's going to hurt you--even in this technologically savvy world. Stupid and sloppy will always be stupid and sloppy.
3.) Bad attitudes are poison. I'm always surprised at the people who go on rants in their dating profiles about how they've been cheated on, lied to, and just done wrong. I read that and think, "Yay! I've been looking for an angry, bitter man!" People who have bad attitudes--and they manifest in many ways--always being the last one into work and the first to leave, bad body language in meetings, heavy sighing, eye rolling. No one wants to hire, work with or date the miserable (or the angry--I figure some of these guys are one bad date away from serial murder).
4.) Don't lie. I can't believe I even have to list this one, but apparently some people think they can get away with saying they graduated from Harvard when the closest they got was a bar in Boston. Men online think they can lie about their height, women think they can lie about their weight. Really? All that does is make the first meeting painful--for everyone. If you lie, you are a liar. Please--you did not misspeak when you thought you fought in Vietnam or were a Rhodes Scholar or were 6 feet tall. You lied. And you will be labeled as a lair forever. Just tell the truth.
5. Don't take things personally. Holy smokes, it's just online dating! The fates of worlds do not hang in the balance! Sometimes you are going to get blown off or ignored--it happens to everyone. If you start taking everything personally, well, see #3. The same thing happens at work, at school, at the gym--you get slighted. Things don't go your way. Much of the time--it has nothing to do with you. Maybe the clerk really didn't see you. Maybe the online dater is actually married and blows everyone off when it comes time to actually meet in person. Maybe the person you friended on Facebook doesn't like to friend work colleagues. Who knows? Why get upset? Why give other people so much power over you? Be cool; let it roll off your back. You know you have value and worth and that you rock the house! You do know that, don't you?
6. Bring your a-game. If you are going to bother--with anything--give it your best. If you are going to attend the meeting, participate. Don't sit in the corner and play with your Blackberry--everyone sees you and it screams, "I'm WAY too important for this waste of time." I'm pretty sure you aren't getting any texts from the President. In the middle of one disastrous date, the guy asked me if we could have a "real" second date. I'm thinking, "This was a real date and it's the ONLY date we'll ever have." We all make mistakes, but you have to start by giving everything your best shot. This is your real life--the big show--everyday.
7. Self promote. Now you have to find the right balance here--too much and you're arrogant, too little and you're a loser. Do you really want to date "I'm just a nice guy and I'm not too picky, just don't want to be alone" or "I'm a successful guy with a great life and I'm looking for someone extraordinary to share it with." The first guy might think he's being modest, but he comes across as a bit desperate. I'd rather be with the guy who sounds like he's got something going on. You don't have to be a braggart, but if you have special skills or talent or good ideas--let people know! Playing small doesn't serve anyone--least of all you. Look for chances to shine.
8. Know thyself. If you've been late to work for the past ten years, you are simply not punctual. Get over it. Everyone on match.com says they have a good sense of humor. I say if you're so damn funny, why is your profile so hellishly boring? Everyone also thinks they look younger than they are. (Some do, most don't.) Are you thinking you have skills or traits that you don't? Is there a discrepancy between your self image and your true nature? Everyone also thinks they have a great attitude. Apparently we are all good-looking, funny as hell, never lie and are eternally optimistic. (And are all cruising down De Nile.)
9. Stop with the TMI! I am always soooo surprised by the things men tell me on FIRST dates. One told me his ex-wife physically abused him; another said he was still in love with a dead woman. Over share much? This information should be kept to yourself. People post things on FaceBook they should really keep private. You will be judged by your public declarations. Discretion still is the better part of valor. Reveal things when (and if) appropriate.
10. Be yourself. Don't try to be something that you're not. There is no one like you in this entire world - celebrate that! The right job opportunities, the right people, the right everything can only be attracted to the REAL you. So bring your twisted sense of humor, your socks and sandals, your goofy grin - the right person will adore you. The world needs more of YOU - more authenticity and less pretense. So bring you on - in all your glory!
