Relationship Advice for Men: How to Get Your Woman to Listen to You
Sam often feels like he's talking to thin air with his long-term girlfriend. They'll have a conversation about plans for the weekend or a difficult situation that Sam is going through at work or with a friend and later it's apparent to Sam that his girlfriend wasn't paying a bit of attention.
He often hears complaints that men don't open up and share how they are feeling in their relationships, but when he does, he feels ignored. It often seems as if his girlfriend is just too busy texting or thinking about other things to give him her full attention.
Recently, Sam's girlfriend went ahead and bought concert tickets for the two of them even though he'd specifically told her that he'd be out of town on business that night. Now, they both are angry and frustrated.
The stereotype out there is that men are the ones in love relationships or marriages to zone out and stop listening to their women But, truth be told, women are just as liable to be poor listeners as are their men.
Sometimes women are trying to multi-task as they listen. They might be washing dishes, keeping an ear out for the kids and thinking about something that happened that day all the while you are talking about something that is important to you.
The results of a scenario like this are often that the man can tell his woman is not giving her full attention to him and she usually misses key points that he's trying to make.
There are other times when women shut down because of the way the conversation is headed.
The couple might be talking about a touchy topic such as money or sex. The man may make a statement that the woman misunderstands or that she finds triggering. Pretty soon after being triggered, she might "leave" the conversation-- this is usually unintentional.
On some level, she feels threatened or fearful because of how she perceives the man's phrasing, tone of voice or choice of words. It may or may not be accurate that the man is angry with her. Regardless, the woman's attentions shift to something else that is perceived as safer.
When you have something to say to your woman-- no matter how mundane or significant it is-- you probably want her to listen and be engaged in the conversation.
Here's how to promote engaged listening...
Speak in ways that keep her open.
When you are about to talk with your partner about a tricky topic, know what it is you most want to say and then choose words that reflect how YOU feel. Make sure she knows that you want to know how she feels about this too.
Sentence starters like: "I would like...." and "Are you willing to..." can help you honestly communicate and connect at the same time.
Be an engaged listener when she talks.
Notice it when you "leave" a conversation that your woman has initiated. Be aware when you are trying to do too many things at once-- including listen to her.
Deliberately bring yourself back to what she is saying and to how you feel about what she's saying.
No matter who is talking, if one of you is in a bad mood, has low energy or is distracted, don't have that conversation right then. Set up a specific time when you will both be better able to focus in on one another and really listen.
He often hears complaints that men don't open up and share how they are feeling in their relationships, but when he does, he feels ignored. It often seems as if his girlfriend is just too busy texting or thinking about other things to give him her full attention.
Recently, Sam's girlfriend went ahead and bought concert tickets for the two of them even though he'd specifically told her that he'd be out of town on business that night. Now, they both are angry and frustrated.
The stereotype out there is that men are the ones in love relationships or marriages to zone out and stop listening to their women But, truth be told, women are just as liable to be poor listeners as are their men.
Sometimes women are trying to multi-task as they listen. They might be washing dishes, keeping an ear out for the kids and thinking about something that happened that day all the while you are talking about something that is important to you.
The results of a scenario like this are often that the man can tell his woman is not giving her full attention to him and she usually misses key points that he's trying to make.
There are other times when women shut down because of the way the conversation is headed.
The couple might be talking about a touchy topic such as money or sex. The man may make a statement that the woman misunderstands or that she finds triggering. Pretty soon after being triggered, she might "leave" the conversation-- this is usually unintentional.
On some level, she feels threatened or fearful because of how she perceives the man's phrasing, tone of voice or choice of words. It may or may not be accurate that the man is angry with her. Regardless, the woman's attentions shift to something else that is perceived as safer.
When you have something to say to your woman-- no matter how mundane or significant it is-- you probably want her to listen and be engaged in the conversation.
Here's how to promote engaged listening...
Speak in ways that keep her open.
When you are about to talk with your partner about a tricky topic, know what it is you most want to say and then choose words that reflect how YOU feel. Make sure she knows that you want to know how she feels about this too.
Sentence starters like: "I would like...." and "Are you willing to..." can help you honestly communicate and connect at the same time.
Be an engaged listener when she talks.
Notice it when you "leave" a conversation that your woman has initiated. Be aware when you are trying to do too many things at once-- including listen to her.
Deliberately bring yourself back to what she is saying and to how you feel about what she's saying.
No matter who is talking, if one of you is in a bad mood, has low energy or is distracted, don't have that conversation right then. Set up a specific time when you will both be better able to focus in on one another and really listen.
