What"s Behind Her Secrets?
Jake's girlfriend has always been a little bit mysterious.
He used to find that a real turn-on.
When they first got together, she wasn't the one always calling him and all over him.
He found her aloofness kind of sexy.
The fact that his girlfriend didn't readily tell him everything that she was thinking or doing was alluring to Jake.
It was a nice change from some of the women he dated in the past-- those relationships felt suffocating a lot of the time.
Lately, however, Jake has begun to worry if his girlfriend's mysterious ways are an effort to hide something.
They have been together long enough that he expected her to open up more to him.
He thought that by now she'd have at least introduced him to her close friends and family.
That hasn't happened.
His girlfriend is fun to be around and the passion between the two of them in the bedroom rocks his world.
But, Jake is worried that his woman isn't telling him some very important facts about herself.
What if she is cheating on him? What if she already was in a relationship when they got together? Your woman may or may not be a secretive as Jake's girlfriend is.
There are varying degrees of openness in a relationship.
Your partner might have introduced you to her family, but there are still some big unanswered questions you have about her.
These might include specific things about her past, where she goes and who she's with when not with you, what her intentions are for your relationship, among many others.
It could be that your jealousy is making your woman seem more evasive and secretive than she really is.
On the other hand, even if you do have a habit of being jealous, there may be very real clues that you're stumbling upon that she's just not telling you the whole truth.
If you're like most men in a committed love relationship or marriage, you probably want to know what's really going on.
You most likely wish you could figure out what's behind her secrets so that you know where you stand and what you could do to improve your relationship.
Focus on what you know.
Get into the habit of questioning the thoughts that are going through your mind.
Regularly ask yourself if this thought is something you absolutely know to be true.
When your woman seems to withhold information from you, don't simply assume that this means she is keeping a secret or that what she isn't saying means that she is lying to you or even cheating.
Focus in on the facts about your relationship for which you have reliable evidence.
Notice if what she says matches up with what she does or if it doesn't.
Do you have examples of her keeping her word to you or frequently breaking promises? How close or distant from one another do you feel in general? Get clear about what you know and notice the places where there are gaps or questions.
Get reliable information about what you don't know.
You might get curious when talking with your woman.
Do NOT grill or interrogate her (this will not help you move closer to her).
Instead, tell her that you'd like to know more about her past, her family, her feelings, etc.
Be patient and allow her to open up to you in her way and at her pace.
You can choose to spy on your woman, but make sure you have tangible evidence to support your reasons for doing so.
There is always a risk of damaging your relationship and the trust that is between you two when you spy on your woman by checking up on her or going through her phone or e-mail records.
There are also potential legal concerns with some forms of spying-- make yourself aware of those too.
This can be a tricky area, so make your decision about how to get reliable information to answer your questions with care.
There are situations when spying can be the only way to get the facts you need, but be sure to consider the risks as well.
Take an honest look at your reactions.
It's a wise idea to consider your own habits as well.
How do you usually react when you find out things about your woman (either from her past or her present) that disappoint you or that trigger your jealousy? If you have a tendency to get very angry, upset, jealous or to close down to her, this may be part of the reason why she is not opening up to you or being as honest with you as she might otherwise have been.
Acknowledge your part in the disconnection and possible mistrust that's between you and your woman.
Take your share of the responsibility for this dynamic and let her know that you take ownership for your habit.
Ask her to try to be more open and forthcoming with you and agree to make it safer for her to be completely honest with you.
Follow through and take steps to overcome your habits that might be standing in the way of open communication.
He used to find that a real turn-on.
When they first got together, she wasn't the one always calling him and all over him.
He found her aloofness kind of sexy.
The fact that his girlfriend didn't readily tell him everything that she was thinking or doing was alluring to Jake.
It was a nice change from some of the women he dated in the past-- those relationships felt suffocating a lot of the time.
Lately, however, Jake has begun to worry if his girlfriend's mysterious ways are an effort to hide something.
They have been together long enough that he expected her to open up more to him.
He thought that by now she'd have at least introduced him to her close friends and family.
That hasn't happened.
His girlfriend is fun to be around and the passion between the two of them in the bedroom rocks his world.
But, Jake is worried that his woman isn't telling him some very important facts about herself.
What if she is cheating on him? What if she already was in a relationship when they got together? Your woman may or may not be a secretive as Jake's girlfriend is.
There are varying degrees of openness in a relationship.
Your partner might have introduced you to her family, but there are still some big unanswered questions you have about her.
These might include specific things about her past, where she goes and who she's with when not with you, what her intentions are for your relationship, among many others.
It could be that your jealousy is making your woman seem more evasive and secretive than she really is.
On the other hand, even if you do have a habit of being jealous, there may be very real clues that you're stumbling upon that she's just not telling you the whole truth.
If you're like most men in a committed love relationship or marriage, you probably want to know what's really going on.
You most likely wish you could figure out what's behind her secrets so that you know where you stand and what you could do to improve your relationship.
Focus on what you know.
Get into the habit of questioning the thoughts that are going through your mind.
Regularly ask yourself if this thought is something you absolutely know to be true.
When your woman seems to withhold information from you, don't simply assume that this means she is keeping a secret or that what she isn't saying means that she is lying to you or even cheating.
Focus in on the facts about your relationship for which you have reliable evidence.
Notice if what she says matches up with what she does or if it doesn't.
Do you have examples of her keeping her word to you or frequently breaking promises? How close or distant from one another do you feel in general? Get clear about what you know and notice the places where there are gaps or questions.
Get reliable information about what you don't know.
You might get curious when talking with your woman.
Do NOT grill or interrogate her (this will not help you move closer to her).
Instead, tell her that you'd like to know more about her past, her family, her feelings, etc.
Be patient and allow her to open up to you in her way and at her pace.
You can choose to spy on your woman, but make sure you have tangible evidence to support your reasons for doing so.
There is always a risk of damaging your relationship and the trust that is between you two when you spy on your woman by checking up on her or going through her phone or e-mail records.
There are also potential legal concerns with some forms of spying-- make yourself aware of those too.
This can be a tricky area, so make your decision about how to get reliable information to answer your questions with care.
There are situations when spying can be the only way to get the facts you need, but be sure to consider the risks as well.
Take an honest look at your reactions.
It's a wise idea to consider your own habits as well.
How do you usually react when you find out things about your woman (either from her past or her present) that disappoint you or that trigger your jealousy? If you have a tendency to get very angry, upset, jealous or to close down to her, this may be part of the reason why she is not opening up to you or being as honest with you as she might otherwise have been.
Acknowledge your part in the disconnection and possible mistrust that's between you and your woman.
Take your share of the responsibility for this dynamic and let her know that you take ownership for your habit.
Ask her to try to be more open and forthcoming with you and agree to make it safer for her to be completely honest with you.
Follow through and take steps to overcome your habits that might be standing in the way of open communication.
