Alcoholics Anonymous - Twelve Steps - What Does Step Nine Mean?
Step nine may very well be the most difficult step for many members of Alcoholics Anonymous.
This step requires us to reach out to people from our lives (and from our pasts) to whom we owe apologies.
Step Nine - Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.
The Alcoholics Anonymous publication, Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions says "Good judgment, a careful sense of timing, courage and prudence -- these are the qualities we shall need when we take step nine.
" Apology Versus Amends We are encouraged to make amends for our transgressions, rather than simply apologizing.
A heart-felt apology is certainly an important component of the process, but more remains.
An amends implies an effort to actually repair any damage we have done.
For instance, if we stole money, we should apologize.
But, we should also make arrangements to repay that money.
Making the Amend Alcoholics Anonymous members encourage us to work closely with our sponsor when making our ninth step amends.
Each sponsor will certainly have his or her own take on the best way to word the amends.
We should discuss each amend, and the particular situation with our sponsor before making it.
Once we have our sponsor's approval, we should bravely move forward with our task.
Finding the appropriate time, we will tell the person we have something important to discuss.
We will give them an example or two of when we acted badly.
We may ask them if they remember the event, which they may or may not.
If they remember the time in question we will ask them how that affected them or made them feel.
By soliciting their feelings, we show them that we are sensitive to how our behavior negatively affected them.
They may react in any of a number of way.
Their reaction, though, is not our concern.
They may be very justified in attacking us since our behavior may have been quite bad.
On the other hand, they may forgive us straight away.
No matter how they react, we should offer a sincere apology, promise to make every attempt to not repeat the offense, and ask if there is a way to make up for what we did.
Exceptions The ninth step of AA includes the note "...
except when to do so would injure them or others".
Making an amends is not always appropriate.
It's not fair for us to clear our conscience while creating problems for others.
For example, it would not be a good idea to make an amends to a friend for having an affair with his wife.
Doing so may dig up problems that had already been dealt with or it may alert our friend to a secret his wife had been keeping.
In this case, the amends is our lover's to make...
not ours.
We can make our amends by changing our behavior and not being promiscuous.
Experienced members of Alcoholics Anonymous promise us that the difficulty of this step is directly proportional to the relief we feel when we perform it successfully.
By making these amends, we rebuild broken relationships and strengthen existing ones.
We also take another step toward clearing the baggage of the past, putting us in a position to be of maximum use to the people around us.
This step requires us to reach out to people from our lives (and from our pasts) to whom we owe apologies.
Step Nine - Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.
The Alcoholics Anonymous publication, Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions says "Good judgment, a careful sense of timing, courage and prudence -- these are the qualities we shall need when we take step nine.
" Apology Versus Amends We are encouraged to make amends for our transgressions, rather than simply apologizing.
A heart-felt apology is certainly an important component of the process, but more remains.
An amends implies an effort to actually repair any damage we have done.
For instance, if we stole money, we should apologize.
But, we should also make arrangements to repay that money.
Making the Amend Alcoholics Anonymous members encourage us to work closely with our sponsor when making our ninth step amends.
Each sponsor will certainly have his or her own take on the best way to word the amends.
We should discuss each amend, and the particular situation with our sponsor before making it.
Once we have our sponsor's approval, we should bravely move forward with our task.
Finding the appropriate time, we will tell the person we have something important to discuss.
We will give them an example or two of when we acted badly.
We may ask them if they remember the event, which they may or may not.
If they remember the time in question we will ask them how that affected them or made them feel.
By soliciting their feelings, we show them that we are sensitive to how our behavior negatively affected them.
They may react in any of a number of way.
Their reaction, though, is not our concern.
They may be very justified in attacking us since our behavior may have been quite bad.
On the other hand, they may forgive us straight away.
No matter how they react, we should offer a sincere apology, promise to make every attempt to not repeat the offense, and ask if there is a way to make up for what we did.
Exceptions The ninth step of AA includes the note "...
except when to do so would injure them or others".
Making an amends is not always appropriate.
It's not fair for us to clear our conscience while creating problems for others.
For example, it would not be a good idea to make an amends to a friend for having an affair with his wife.
Doing so may dig up problems that had already been dealt with or it may alert our friend to a secret his wife had been keeping.
In this case, the amends is our lover's to make...
not ours.
We can make our amends by changing our behavior and not being promiscuous.
Experienced members of Alcoholics Anonymous promise us that the difficulty of this step is directly proportional to the relief we feel when we perform it successfully.
By making these amends, we rebuild broken relationships and strengthen existing ones.
We also take another step toward clearing the baggage of the past, putting us in a position to be of maximum use to the people around us.
