How to Get an Angry Male Teenager to Be Compliant
- 1). Stay away from lashing out at your teen by yelling when he is in a fit of anger. Avoid trying to make him see reason as well with statements like, "Tom, if you'd kept your room clean as I keep telling you every day, you wouldn't have had a problem finding your socks. It's your own fault, so deal with it." Realize that by talking back or trying to reason with your kid, you'll only make the situation worse. Diffuse the situation by staying calm.
- 2). Ignore his anger if he limits his behavior to mumbling complaints, slamming the door or shouting an innocuous "Why is it always me?" in his own room. Assert your parental authority if he gets sarcastic or screams or throws obscenities at you. Enforce consequences immediately in a calm firm voice, "Name-calling is not allowed in this house and you know it. You're grounded for a week." Address the behavior specifically, in this case "name-calling," and not his anger. Realize that your kid needs to vent his anger, but in a healthy way.
- 3). Set behavior rules and consequences for breaking them. Explain them to your teen clearly. Be specific in communicating your rules so your kid knows what you expect from him; for example, instead of a vague "Be home by night," say "Be home by 10:30 p.m." Communicate consequences at the same time you convey your rules instead of dumping it on your teen suddenly after he breaks the rule; be fair and let him know beforehand.
- 4). Listen to your teen's concerns. Let him talk so that you know if he feels you're imposing too many restrictions on him compared to his peers. Decide if he's got a point and, if yes, work out a solution that works for both of you.
- 5). Keep from criticizing your teen constantly on his bad behaviors. Understand that by doing so, your teen is more likely to respond to you in anger or resentment. See his positive side --good habits, talents and accomplishments -- as well and talk about them too.
- 6). Model healthy behavior for your son. Get your emotions under control and stay calm when you're angry, and say something like, "I'm very angry now and I may regret if I say anything. I'll talk to you later." Your kid is more likely to follow your example.
