Birth by Default
de-fault' - a selection made, usually automatically or without active consideration, due to lack of a viable alternative, or in the absence of a choice made by the user.
When I was pregnant with my first child, I went to my regular gynecologist, who confirmed my home test results and we moved forward with plans for a standard hospital birth.
I didn't consider whether or not this was the best choice for me.
Why? Because it didn't occur to me that I had options.
I didn't really have any friends with children, because I didn't have children.
My husband and I spent time with people with similar lifestyles.
We knew people with children, of course; just not well enough to feel comfortable asking about their experience with childbirth.
Truthfully, I wasn't even sure I wanted to know those things.
When people offered unsolicited information, it generally consisted of horror stories and things I would rather not think about.
It was scary to think that those things might happen to me! So my focus was on avoiding those experiences that sounded most scary.
I thought I knew what I didn't want (mostly.
) But I had trouble knowing what I did want.
The options I found were in line with choices people around us were comfortable with.
I'm not sure I even read a story about a home birth- if I did, I didn't see it as an option for me.
Women were supposed to go to the hospital.
Everyone I knew thought so.
My place to labor was the first default- I did not see a viable alternative.
I created a birth plan around my "things to avoid," also including a few items I did want.
When I reviewed it with my doctor, I found the things I did want were not generally in line with hospital policy.
Eating & drinking in early labor was discouraged; the option of walking around the hospital floor to move labor along was not permitted.
I had to get special permission to reduce electronic fetal monitoring to 15 minutes per hour, to use a squatting position at the pushing phase, to walk around my labor room.
Yet even with permission in advance, these conditions were not readily available.
I had to explain myself frequently and justify my choices.
I spent a lot of energy refusing interventions on my avoidance list.
By focusing my birth plan on what I didn't want, I attracted struggle.
The Law of Attraction says that we attract what we focus on, even when our focus is of avoiding something.
Without a clear picture in my mind- a focused plan for birthing the way I wanted, I attracted instead, a result to match the mish-mash of ideas that swirled around aimlessly in my mind.
I got the default result- a result based on my thoughts of the moment, my thoughts of any particular day.
It was only in hindsight that I was able to see that my internal desire for natural, unmedicated childbirth was an active choice and did not match the absence of choice I had shown in my default selection of birth location and doctor.
By leaving consideration of what I wanted until nearing the end of my pregnancy, I didn't have enough time (read: enough guts) to leave my doctor when I saw the incompatibility (even for a midwife in his practice.
) I didn't know that I needed to plan with the end result in mind from the very first day.
Without a planned ending, I didn't have a beginning.
So each step along the way, I made default choices by avoiding choices.
I received default care because I didn't know what I wanted when I chose a care provider.
When I knew what I wanted, I didn't believe it was really possible and so I was too afraid to ask for the care I wanted.
I felt most times like I was a child, being told, rather than a woman participating in her own experience.
The solution is to begin with focus on the desired end result.
Where does this desire come from- especially when we have no experience in birthing? It comes from the only place real answers lay- within our heart's desire.
The key is connecting with our heart, finding the truth of the best possible birth.
A guide lives within each of us, waiting for our awareness of her presence, waiting to reveal to us the experience we seek, to provide the most perfect course of action to achieve our desired results.
Our job is to listen to our guide with consideration, releasing limits and judgment.
When I was pregnant with my first child, I went to my regular gynecologist, who confirmed my home test results and we moved forward with plans for a standard hospital birth.
I didn't consider whether or not this was the best choice for me.
Why? Because it didn't occur to me that I had options.
I didn't really have any friends with children, because I didn't have children.
My husband and I spent time with people with similar lifestyles.
We knew people with children, of course; just not well enough to feel comfortable asking about their experience with childbirth.
Truthfully, I wasn't even sure I wanted to know those things.
When people offered unsolicited information, it generally consisted of horror stories and things I would rather not think about.
It was scary to think that those things might happen to me! So my focus was on avoiding those experiences that sounded most scary.
I thought I knew what I didn't want (mostly.
) But I had trouble knowing what I did want.
The options I found were in line with choices people around us were comfortable with.
I'm not sure I even read a story about a home birth- if I did, I didn't see it as an option for me.
Women were supposed to go to the hospital.
Everyone I knew thought so.
My place to labor was the first default- I did not see a viable alternative.
I created a birth plan around my "things to avoid," also including a few items I did want.
When I reviewed it with my doctor, I found the things I did want were not generally in line with hospital policy.
Eating & drinking in early labor was discouraged; the option of walking around the hospital floor to move labor along was not permitted.
I had to get special permission to reduce electronic fetal monitoring to 15 minutes per hour, to use a squatting position at the pushing phase, to walk around my labor room.
Yet even with permission in advance, these conditions were not readily available.
I had to explain myself frequently and justify my choices.
I spent a lot of energy refusing interventions on my avoidance list.
By focusing my birth plan on what I didn't want, I attracted struggle.
The Law of Attraction says that we attract what we focus on, even when our focus is of avoiding something.
Without a clear picture in my mind- a focused plan for birthing the way I wanted, I attracted instead, a result to match the mish-mash of ideas that swirled around aimlessly in my mind.
I got the default result- a result based on my thoughts of the moment, my thoughts of any particular day.
It was only in hindsight that I was able to see that my internal desire for natural, unmedicated childbirth was an active choice and did not match the absence of choice I had shown in my default selection of birth location and doctor.
By leaving consideration of what I wanted until nearing the end of my pregnancy, I didn't have enough time (read: enough guts) to leave my doctor when I saw the incompatibility (even for a midwife in his practice.
) I didn't know that I needed to plan with the end result in mind from the very first day.
Without a planned ending, I didn't have a beginning.
So each step along the way, I made default choices by avoiding choices.
I received default care because I didn't know what I wanted when I chose a care provider.
When I knew what I wanted, I didn't believe it was really possible and so I was too afraid to ask for the care I wanted.
I felt most times like I was a child, being told, rather than a woman participating in her own experience.
The solution is to begin with focus on the desired end result.
Where does this desire come from- especially when we have no experience in birthing? It comes from the only place real answers lay- within our heart's desire.
The key is connecting with our heart, finding the truth of the best possible birth.
A guide lives within each of us, waiting for our awareness of her presence, waiting to reveal to us the experience we seek, to provide the most perfect course of action to achieve our desired results.
Our job is to listen to our guide with consideration, releasing limits and judgment.
