B.
J.
Thomas may sing "Even the bad love is better than no love, and any kind of love is better than no love at all" but I don't believe him and neither should you.
Millions of women are stuck in abusive relationships from which they cannot extricate themselves.
We don't seek out bad apples, but in our eagerness to find any love at all sometimes we overlook the early warning signs.
Protecting yourself from an abusive partner is easier the earlier you start.
In some cases that may be on the first date, at other times you may not realize there is a problem until several months into a relationship.
Some women say that their husband didn't show his "other side" until after the honeymoon, but this is usually not the case.
There are almost always tip offs that things are not quite right early on.
So, if you are single and interested in dating, you should have basic standards regarding what you expect in a man.
No, I'm not talking about curly brown hair and a cute smile, I mean the important stuff.
Does he treat you as a friend and an equal? Does he respect your boundaries? Does he act with honesty and integrity? You can't expect perfection in another person, but the list above is absolutely the bare minimum you should hold out for.
You really do deserve to have your expectations met in these areas as long as you are wiling to reciprocate by being the same kind of individual yourself.
Let's look at each aspect of this list and some of the warning signs that your prospective partner may be an abuser in disguise.
Friendship and Equality: Stay away from men who are only friends with other men.
Pay close attention to how your date talks about and refers to other women including his co-workers and relatives.
If he makes derogatory remarks about females (even in a "joking" way) you will be next when he is tired of playing nice with you.
If he uses the phrase "You are not like other women.
" as a compliment, run for the hills.
Trust me, the minute you stop doing exactly what he wants, you will become one of those "other women" he holds in such contempt.
Boundaries: Know what your boundaries are and then communicate them clearly to your partner.
If he tries pouting, whining, psychological coercion, or emotional blackmail to get you to change your mind, there is a serious problem.
Best case the guy is too immature to be dating and worst case that pouting will turn into full blown temper tantrums, threats, and physical violence later on.
Be careful to terminate contact long before things escalate to that point.
Honesty and Integrity: Notice how your man acts when he is around other people versus when he is alone with you.
Everyone has aspects of themselves that they prefer to keep private, but sociopaths have a different face for every occasion.
Abusers are often smooth talkers who present a charming public image, so be on the lookout for manipulative behaviors.
If you catch your partner in a lie, talk it out and see if he can make things right or if he just makes excuses.
If he has a habit of not telling the truth, it is time to get out of the relationship.