The Law of Attraction: How You Tell Your Story Matters!
Everyone has a story and how you tell it matters.
Deliberately changing your conversations - the way you talk about your life - changes the vibration you hold yourself to and every experience you attract into your life.
In real terms what that means is, what you talk about you think about and what you think about you bring about, every single time.
So many times we harp on the negative things in our lives.
You know what we're talking about.
You hear these stories all the time: my childhood was awful, I grew up in an abusive home, I was picked on in school, I'm going through a nasty divorce, I am always left out, I am financially struggling, I don't make enough money, I hate my job, my boss never compliments me, my co-workers don't like me, I hate my commute, my kids are out of control...
the list goes on and on and on.
What we don't realize is that holding onto such thoughts only attracts more of the same into our lives.
Let me explain..
..
We are physical and non-physical at the same time, and that non-physical side of us has been called many things throughout the ages: spirit, soul, inner-guide, conscience and consciousness.
Our non-physical side is pure positive energy.
It is the greater part of us - the non-physical source of "all that is" in the universe.
Our thoughts channel that energy into the physical world.
So when you focus on a thought, that thought holds "you," the non-physical side of you, to a vibration, an energy vibration, and just like a magnet you attract similar vibrations into your experience.
When we start listening to the conversations we have with others (and ourselves), they very quickly tell us exactly what vibration we are holding ourselves to.
You see it happening all around you all the time.
A next door neighbor down on his luck and all he ever talks about is how awful life is.
A mother-in-law who criticizes everyone even as she complains that no one ever visits her.
A child who doesn't like school and wonders why he is always picked last for a team.
Each of these people unconsciously holds themselves to a very low, negative vibration because of the nature of the thoughts they allow themselves to dwell on.
In each of their stories they feel victimized, powerless, helpless and out of control.
When we hold ourselves to a negative vibration -- and like-attracts-like -- this is what we receive in return...
more of exactly what we do not want.
On the flip side, if we shift our perspective from one of anger, frustration, helplessness, and despair to one of gratitude, forgiveness and compassion, we immediately feel our mood shift.
We immediately feel better.
We immediately feel a sense of relief.
We are always one thought away from changing the vibration we are holding ourselves to and changing what we attract into our life.
Here is an everyday example of how thoughts will hold you where you do not want to be.
A young mother called me this morning to talk about her 15 year old son.
"I cannot handle him," she said.
"I cannot deal with the disrespectful attitude, anger, and manipulation anymore.
What am I supposed to do?" She then described how just that morning she had hurriedly asked him to go out to the car to warm it up and clean the snow off so they could get him to school on time.
His response was sullen, resisting verbally.
"He was mouthing off," she said.
"He got up but gave me attitude the entire time.
So I let him have it.
Do NOT speak to me like that and go out and clean the car! What a rotten way to start the day," she said resentfully.
I said, "Let's stop right there.
If you look past the attitude, can you see that he was doing exactly what you asked? Yes, he was moving slowly but he was doing it.
Focus on what you want.
Move past the attitude because the attitude is what you do not want.
Validate his authentic response which was completely aligned with your request.
Say, thank you.
I really appreciate it.
Now we'll get to school on time, that's great, thank you, and turn around and walk away.
Totally ignore the behavior you do not want because the more that you give what you do not want your attention the more you say, "Come to me this thing I do not want.
" Negative emotion, whether you are verbalizing it or not, triggers the Law of Attraction.
Whatever you are thinking about becomes your reality.
If you want to move beyond "that which does not feel good" and want him to change, you have to change what you are thinking first.
I continued, "Once he has done what he's been asked to do, reward him.
Reward the behavior that feels good to you.
Say something like: 'Hey bud, thank you so much.
I greatly appreciate that.
' Expressing gratitude to him authentically will make him feel good, that he did a good thing.
He may not acknowledge it, but he heard it.
If you start expressing gratitude even on the smallest of levels it will become easier to recognize more and more behaviors that make you feel good, make him feel good, and so the process begins.
" "But he gave me lip," she protested, wanting to be right.
I brought her right back to what she wanted.
"Your need to be right is causing you to focus on the negative, and thus the entire experience becomes an unhappy exchange," I pointed out.
"Focus on the positive because it is there.
Whether he did what you asked with attitude or not, he did it.
If you want the WAY he responds to you to change, then you have to change.
You must be the change you wish to see in your son.
Because if you are not grateful and loving and thoughtful always - all ways - how can you expect him to be?" "Are you telling me it is okay for him to give me a hard time when I'm trying to get HIM to school?" she asked incredulously.
"You can't fault him for who he is.
He is a teenager with raging hormones, peer pressure, and very poor examples of behavior in every form of media he is exposed to.
Your son has good in him somewhere.
Beneath all that he expresses, the anger, the attitude, the mouthing off, all of that stuff...
step back for two seconds and see him for who he is.
That boy is in pain.
It comes down to nothing more than being in pain and being taught by late night TV shows and the unloved kids that surround him in school that THIS is the way you talk to people, THIS is who I am supposed to be at fifteen and THIS is the only way I know how to operate.
When you see him from his vantage point, now you know that all he lacks is good information -- better information.
"In every exchange with your son, you are being given a golden opportunity to give him better information.
Every exchange with your son is rich ground to teach him to interact with you in the way you choose.
If you stick to your guns and hold the vibration that you really want with your son, he will have to come up to your vibration and operate on your level.
That's the way it works.
"Teach him by example that life is a process of continually moving past undesirable attitudes and never giving them a second thought.
Never give into what you do not want.
Keep moving past what you do not want.
A week later, two weeks later he will begin interacting differently with you because it feels good, and he won't even know it.
If you can express to him on even the smallest of levels, any sort of gratitude...
thank you for taking out the trash...
even though he huffs and puffs his way through it...
simply saying, thank you, thank you, thank you shows him and you great compassion and love.
"He will be dumbfounded if you sincerely express gratitude for him.
This does not mean that you roll over in the face of bad behavior.
This means that you always look for real ways to validate his worth - to himself and to you.
Little by little, as your conversations change, he will change.
You have to figure out why you're so angry with him, find compassion for him, and let it go.
He is a child, despite his age, and he is starving for good information.
He's starving for someone to tell him how to do better and what is really going on.
"When it comes down to it, bad behavior never has anything to do with the other person.
It has everything to do with you.
You can only control YOU.
The reason he makes you so angry is because you expect him to react the way you would or the way you want him to and every time he doesn't, it makes you angry.
"So the next time a habitual behavior pattern arises, step back and allow yourself to see his pain.
Step back for two seconds and see it for what it is.
Then ask yourself: if I know I don't want this, then what do I want? It may be something as simple as you want your son to do his chores peacefully and respectfully, or that you want to be able to have open communication with him.
I want to enjoy my time with him, or I want to have a healthy relationship with him.
Now when you interact with him, instead of anticipating the behavior that you don't want, anticipate the behavior that you do want.
The behavior that feels good to you.
"When you change your conversation, you change your vibration.
This is how you change your life.
" ~ Malinda Dowsett co-creator, Change Your Conversation
Deliberately changing your conversations - the way you talk about your life - changes the vibration you hold yourself to and every experience you attract into your life.
In real terms what that means is, what you talk about you think about and what you think about you bring about, every single time.
So many times we harp on the negative things in our lives.
You know what we're talking about.
You hear these stories all the time: my childhood was awful, I grew up in an abusive home, I was picked on in school, I'm going through a nasty divorce, I am always left out, I am financially struggling, I don't make enough money, I hate my job, my boss never compliments me, my co-workers don't like me, I hate my commute, my kids are out of control...
the list goes on and on and on.
What we don't realize is that holding onto such thoughts only attracts more of the same into our lives.
Let me explain..
..
We are physical and non-physical at the same time, and that non-physical side of us has been called many things throughout the ages: spirit, soul, inner-guide, conscience and consciousness.
Our non-physical side is pure positive energy.
It is the greater part of us - the non-physical source of "all that is" in the universe.
Our thoughts channel that energy into the physical world.
So when you focus on a thought, that thought holds "you," the non-physical side of you, to a vibration, an energy vibration, and just like a magnet you attract similar vibrations into your experience.
When we start listening to the conversations we have with others (and ourselves), they very quickly tell us exactly what vibration we are holding ourselves to.
You see it happening all around you all the time.
A next door neighbor down on his luck and all he ever talks about is how awful life is.
A mother-in-law who criticizes everyone even as she complains that no one ever visits her.
A child who doesn't like school and wonders why he is always picked last for a team.
Each of these people unconsciously holds themselves to a very low, negative vibration because of the nature of the thoughts they allow themselves to dwell on.
In each of their stories they feel victimized, powerless, helpless and out of control.
When we hold ourselves to a negative vibration -- and like-attracts-like -- this is what we receive in return...
more of exactly what we do not want.
On the flip side, if we shift our perspective from one of anger, frustration, helplessness, and despair to one of gratitude, forgiveness and compassion, we immediately feel our mood shift.
We immediately feel better.
We immediately feel a sense of relief.
We are always one thought away from changing the vibration we are holding ourselves to and changing what we attract into our life.
Here is an everyday example of how thoughts will hold you where you do not want to be.
A young mother called me this morning to talk about her 15 year old son.
"I cannot handle him," she said.
"I cannot deal with the disrespectful attitude, anger, and manipulation anymore.
What am I supposed to do?" She then described how just that morning she had hurriedly asked him to go out to the car to warm it up and clean the snow off so they could get him to school on time.
His response was sullen, resisting verbally.
"He was mouthing off," she said.
"He got up but gave me attitude the entire time.
So I let him have it.
Do NOT speak to me like that and go out and clean the car! What a rotten way to start the day," she said resentfully.
I said, "Let's stop right there.
If you look past the attitude, can you see that he was doing exactly what you asked? Yes, he was moving slowly but he was doing it.
Focus on what you want.
Move past the attitude because the attitude is what you do not want.
Validate his authentic response which was completely aligned with your request.
Say, thank you.
I really appreciate it.
Now we'll get to school on time, that's great, thank you, and turn around and walk away.
Totally ignore the behavior you do not want because the more that you give what you do not want your attention the more you say, "Come to me this thing I do not want.
" Negative emotion, whether you are verbalizing it or not, triggers the Law of Attraction.
Whatever you are thinking about becomes your reality.
If you want to move beyond "that which does not feel good" and want him to change, you have to change what you are thinking first.
I continued, "Once he has done what he's been asked to do, reward him.
Reward the behavior that feels good to you.
Say something like: 'Hey bud, thank you so much.
I greatly appreciate that.
' Expressing gratitude to him authentically will make him feel good, that he did a good thing.
He may not acknowledge it, but he heard it.
If you start expressing gratitude even on the smallest of levels it will become easier to recognize more and more behaviors that make you feel good, make him feel good, and so the process begins.
" "But he gave me lip," she protested, wanting to be right.
I brought her right back to what she wanted.
"Your need to be right is causing you to focus on the negative, and thus the entire experience becomes an unhappy exchange," I pointed out.
"Focus on the positive because it is there.
Whether he did what you asked with attitude or not, he did it.
If you want the WAY he responds to you to change, then you have to change.
You must be the change you wish to see in your son.
Because if you are not grateful and loving and thoughtful always - all ways - how can you expect him to be?" "Are you telling me it is okay for him to give me a hard time when I'm trying to get HIM to school?" she asked incredulously.
"You can't fault him for who he is.
He is a teenager with raging hormones, peer pressure, and very poor examples of behavior in every form of media he is exposed to.
Your son has good in him somewhere.
Beneath all that he expresses, the anger, the attitude, the mouthing off, all of that stuff...
step back for two seconds and see him for who he is.
That boy is in pain.
It comes down to nothing more than being in pain and being taught by late night TV shows and the unloved kids that surround him in school that THIS is the way you talk to people, THIS is who I am supposed to be at fifteen and THIS is the only way I know how to operate.
When you see him from his vantage point, now you know that all he lacks is good information -- better information.
"In every exchange with your son, you are being given a golden opportunity to give him better information.
Every exchange with your son is rich ground to teach him to interact with you in the way you choose.
If you stick to your guns and hold the vibration that you really want with your son, he will have to come up to your vibration and operate on your level.
That's the way it works.
"Teach him by example that life is a process of continually moving past undesirable attitudes and never giving them a second thought.
Never give into what you do not want.
Keep moving past what you do not want.
A week later, two weeks later he will begin interacting differently with you because it feels good, and he won't even know it.
If you can express to him on even the smallest of levels, any sort of gratitude...
thank you for taking out the trash...
even though he huffs and puffs his way through it...
simply saying, thank you, thank you, thank you shows him and you great compassion and love.
"He will be dumbfounded if you sincerely express gratitude for him.
This does not mean that you roll over in the face of bad behavior.
This means that you always look for real ways to validate his worth - to himself and to you.
Little by little, as your conversations change, he will change.
You have to figure out why you're so angry with him, find compassion for him, and let it go.
He is a child, despite his age, and he is starving for good information.
He's starving for someone to tell him how to do better and what is really going on.
"When it comes down to it, bad behavior never has anything to do with the other person.
It has everything to do with you.
You can only control YOU.
The reason he makes you so angry is because you expect him to react the way you would or the way you want him to and every time he doesn't, it makes you angry.
"So the next time a habitual behavior pattern arises, step back and allow yourself to see his pain.
Step back for two seconds and see it for what it is.
Then ask yourself: if I know I don't want this, then what do I want? It may be something as simple as you want your son to do his chores peacefully and respectfully, or that you want to be able to have open communication with him.
I want to enjoy my time with him, or I want to have a healthy relationship with him.
Now when you interact with him, instead of anticipating the behavior that you don't want, anticipate the behavior that you do want.
The behavior that feels good to you.
"When you change your conversation, you change your vibration.
This is how you change your life.
" ~ Malinda Dowsett co-creator, Change Your Conversation
