Many people look forward with joy to the time when they will have a special partner, commit to being together and then raise their own family.
They regard it as a natural, automatic process, something that many people seem to do.
It hardly needs consideration at all.
The reality is often very different.
Once they are holding their baby in their arms it can be a revelation to realise that this child is their responsibility, for the rest of their lives.
Even after the parenting classes and visits from the mid-wife it can still be a daunting time.
There are many ways to make the process more comfortable.
- Some couples find it overwhelming to have many people visiting straight away after the birth.
No matter how well-intentioned, it can still be tiring and tiresome to be inundated with visitors in the first few days of bringing a new baby home.
Many women need to rest and recover, get used to feeding the baby themselves and many men want to enjoy starting to bond with their new child.
It is important to be firm with visitors and ask them to wait a week or two, or until you feel more prepared to have people call.
- Listen to advice, and then decide what works for you.
There are often no right or wrong ways with a baby.
So long as a child is cared for and loved it is often going to be fine.
But some children have problems settling or may appear to be off-colour.
Ask for help if you need it.
There is no shame in seeking support from someone who has done it all before or whose job it is to support you at this time.
Many people appreciate being asked for help and are sensitive enough to tread carefully.
- Make friends with other parents.
People from the parenting classes or friends of a similar age who are having babies can be a good support network.
Sharing baby stories is fine and it can be helpful to spend time with other couples who are going through the same experience as yourself.
Often reassurance can be provided which helps you appreciate that you're not experiencing anything unusual, all the things that are happening are perfectly normal.
- Try to schedule some quality time as a couple.
Arranging to swap baby-sitting duties with people you know and trust can enable you both to have some time together as a couple.
No one wants to disappear for twenty years into children, chores and family only to re-emerge as strangers to each other who have grown apart over the years.
Investing in your relationship is important in keeping channels of communication open and enabling you both to enjoy your family as a strong unit.
You want to continue being two people who love each other, share time and discuss many matters together.
- Try to have some time for yourself.
Keeping in touch with friends and doing some of the things you did before baby was born can keep your personality and identity alive.
And its good to go out with friends and chat and laugh with each other about non-baby subjects for a while.
A baby brings a lot of love into a home and a relationship.
Appreciating and enjoying the family unit is important.
But is also important to commit to looking after yourself and the relationship with your partner too.