Twelve Best Ways to Make Your Employees Hate You

               

                The stampede of Baby Boomers exiting the workforce today has provided a heretofore unprecedented opportunity for individuals who are stepping right into vacant management positions.    If you are one of these individuals and you are looking for tips on becoming a boss, you are in the right place.  How your staff feel about you depends on how you act.  If you have decided you want your employees to like you and respect you, this is not the article for you.   Go find a couple good books on management theory and you will find much of the information you need.  On the other hand, if you are okay with having your employees hate you, you have definitely come to the right place.  Below is a list of the twelve best ways to accomplish that.  These tips have been tested and retested by supervisors and managers for as long as society has been in business.  There are so few guarantees in the world today, but these twelve tips are a sure thing.  They are especially easy to follow for new managers who don't have to relearn any of those management theories of recent years whose practical application resulted in happy and productive employees.   So new bosses:  This is for you!  

You love your new job!  You really love your new job!  And, admit it, you really really love your new job!  You worked hard for it, and finally all those long hours and promotional interviews paid off.  You are a boss!  It's like finally getting that fancy car you have been coveting since you first saw it on the showroom floor.  Everything seems so shiny and new and even the air around you smells different, like "eau de boss" rather than "eau de just another employee."  As you look around your work environment, you can't help but feel this little leap in your stomach as you find yourself thinking, "This is mine, all mine.  I can do whatever I want.  I finally get to say, I'll have my people call your people." 

                And speaking of people, it hits you what that means.  You've got people!  You finally get to be the person who tells others what to do, rather than be the one who gets told what to do.  People have to please you now rather than the other way around.  Honesty, the entire concept is making you dizzy and you have to sit down to just catch your breath.   And while you are sitting there, you start to read the following twelve tips guaranteed to make your employees hate you.   They are as follows:  

1. Control everything.  People are basically not very smart and should not be left to their own devices to make mistakes you will have to deal with.   You do not want to spend your days cleaning up their messes.  The easiest way to avoid that is to concentrate on the "Three Ps", meaning policy, process, and procedures.    That means you will need to make sure that all activities that even remotely nibble around the edges of any of these things come through you first.  You have read all about the "empowerment" theory, and like many management theories, it sounds better than it works.  Perhaps someday, when your people are smarter, you will think about it.  No promises though.  For now, you want to see everything and sign off on everything.   
2.  Reprimand in public.  What goofball management experts ever thought up the concept of reprimanding staff privately?  The concept is ludicrous.  How on earth are people supposed to learn from the mistakes of others if they do not know about them?   Reprimanding staff in public accomplishes two things.   First, it makes the occasion much more memorable for the person you reprimand, and therefore helps avoid such mistakes in the future.  Second, it sure shows the rest of them what will happen if they screw up as well.  Public floggings may no longer be allowed, but properly administered; public reprimands can accomplish much the same thing.  And, they keep the workplace lively and entertaining. 
3. Why lead when you can bully?  Frankly, bullies have gotten a bad name recently and it is sad.   Bullies, with their decisive nature and iron fist, can be very effective bosses.  They can be great at getting a job done since no one wants to cross them.  As a boss, you don't have time to entertain employees who want to argue or give you an opinion that you neither welcome nor asked for.  That takes way too much time.  After all, if they wanted democracy, they should be politicians rather than employees.    Once again, all the theories about leadership and getting people to do what you need them to do and be happy about it, is just theory.  Who cares if they are happy as long as they get the job done?   You aren't their therapist, you are their boss.   Frequent temper tantrums will help you reinforce this.   
4. Praise in private.  You probably won't need to do this often, but on that rare occasion when you just can't  get out of providing what the management books refer to as, "positive reinforcement", just call the employee into your office and get it over as quickly as possible.   You don't even need to provide any details.  Just a quick pat on the back and an "Atta boy" will suffice.   And don't even think about bringing it up in a staff meeting unless you want a mutiny.  People are jealous and petty and you don't want to cause any altercations.  And, don't worry if you are too busy to give that "Atta boy" right away.  Sometimes it is good to make people wait.  That way they don't get overconfident. 
5. Use humor as a weapon.  Well, not really a weapon so much as just an alternate way to get your message across.  There is nothing like a sharp, snappy sarcastic comment to keep people in their place.  After all, isn't the work environment supposed to be fun?  And, you have some great one-liners because your people give you so much material to work with.   Teasing and making fun of people work well also.  The added bonus is that this helps you find out who the smart ones are since they will be the ones who get your jokes.   And if the others get upset, not to worry.  It's not your fault they don't have a sense of humor.    
6. Publicly announce private things.   This one is great.  Everyone on your staff has private things they are reluctant to share with their colleagues and who better than the boss to help them out with this?  After all, as the boss, you are the one to ensure that you have an environment of open communication.  If you don't tell your employees what's going on with each other, how can they support each other in their times of need?  If this is truly a team, there should be no secrets.   Telling everyone everything helps build camaraderie among the troops, and help each one of them know that he is not the only one with a drug-addicted child or alcoholic spouse.  Maybe they can even start their own little support group, all because you are so good about getting everything out in the open.     
7. Develop staff by giving nebulous instructions and multiple changes of direction.   Employees need to be kept on their toes and nothing does that like giving directions that can be interpreted several ways so you can sit back and see what they do with them.   That is a fine way to distinguish the good players from the mediocre ones.   Nebulous directions enables employees to use their creativity and deductive reasoning to try to figure out what you want them to do.  This is a great skill-building exercise.  And, for those who fail to figure out the assignment correctly, you have the added bonus of a public reprimand.  Multiple changes of direction are also great for keeping employees in active pursuit of success.  Just when they think they can rest on their laurels and pat themselves on the back for a job well done, you can change directions on where you want to go and have them start all over.  Some might grumble but those are the ones who don't understand how much your constant change in direction is teaching them.    After all, work is supposed to be hard.  That's why they call it work.    
8. Play favorites.  After all, as the boss, you have the right to decide who gets the best assignments, pay raises, and promotions.   And shouldn't that be the employees you like the best?  Why on earth would you do anything else?  After all, you need to surround yourself with loyal employees and what better way to win their loyalty than to give them special privileges?   And, when it comes to things like training opportunities and developmental assignments, why train and develop employees you don't like and don't intend to ever promote?    And if anyone dares to complain, you can surely come up with a lot of reasons why their work is inferior.  By playing favorites, you have added the bonus of knowing that after a while, all those employees you don't like so much will probably start looking for another job.  Then, it will just be you and your buddies in your own little kingdom.   A dream come true.
9. Lie if you have to.  When you are the boss you soon find out that the truth is totally overrated.  After all, if all your employees know everything, they will have an opinion about everything.  If you want their opinion you will give it to them.   After all, they are not there to think, just to do their job.   For example, if your employees know exactly how much money you have in your training budget, they will want to weigh in on how it should be spent.  That is your decision.  It is much easier just to say there is no money to do things, and then pretend to find some when you see something you really want.  Lying also works as a great motivator.  When you promise pay raises to employees if they do a good job, you definitely see their performance improve.  That can go on for many months or even years.  Then, when you finally have to tell them that there is no money in the budget for pay raises, they can't really blame you, can they?  After all, things are tough everywhere.   In the meantime, you motivated them to do their best which is exactly what a boss is supposed to do. 
10. Check up on them all the time.  It is a proven fact that employees cannot be trusted.  They need strict rules and regulations and very close monitoring.  Without that, they just take over the place and start slacking off by coming in late, playing hooky, pilfering the company supplies, and doing shoddy work.  As the boss, you really have to keep a close watch. After all, isn't what that entire "management by walking around" theory that was so popular in the 80s was all about?  How will employees know they are being watched if they don't see you doing it?  Of course, with the advances in technology you have a lot more options.  You can install video cameras in the supply room to guard the company supply of paper clips, data trackers on computers to see exactly who is checking their personal email at work, and even security cameras at doorways to help you know if people are sneaking out early.  It is sad that you can't trust your employees but you understand that that is just the way things are. 
11. Take credit for their successes.  The thinking on this is simple.  They work for you, so any good ideas they come up with basically belong to you.  That is one of the perks of being the boss.  They are they to make you look good.   After all, they get paid to get results, and your job is to make sure they get them.  Therefore, the credit rightfully belongs to you.  After all, if it weren't for your excellent training and constant monitoring, they wouldn't be doing so well.  And as for the people you report to, they don't need to know the specifics of who does what in your group, only that you are doing a great job.  Employees come and go, you intend to stick around.     
12. Political correctness is just not all that important.   After all, who is to say what is correct and what is just people being overly sensitive?  If they would just do their jobs and stop worrying about the small stuff.  Everyone knows that when you address your people as "guys" and "men" you mean both the men and the girls.  They also know that you are just kidding around with your ethnic jokes or daily flirting with your female employees.  People just need to lighten up a bit and realize that your harmless fun is just that, harmless fun. 

As you catch your breath, it occurs to you that one of the many benefits of following these twelve steps is that they take the guesswork out of supervision, and tell you exactly why your employees hate you.    As for the steps themselves, they are not that hard.  Once you remember that you are the boss and all this is yours, the rest is easy.  You make the rules, the employees follow them.  How simple is that?  The real beauty of this approach is that if your employees decide that they hate you more than they love their job, they will leave.  That gives you the opportunity to start all over again recruiting, hiring, and hopefully training new ones.  There is something to be said for always having a new supply of employees to play with. 

Jeanne Miller Rodriguez

visit our website at www.readysetbooks.net and blog at workwellsolutions.wordpress.com6772

April 2012