More times than none, aggressive teens are not having a need met.
This need that is not being met usually shows itself after the need has gone not met for too long.
Don't worry, it isn't too late to address the need and to begin growing and nurturing that relationship with your troubled teen.
You are now hopefully asking, "Well what need does my teen have right now that I can't see?".
Or, "How can I meet this need that they have?".
Big questions are great, because they require big answers.
For starters, all parents who are parenting aggressive teens, whether single, married, divorced, etc..
, need a value system that their family abides by.
Do you have one? Good.
No? You need to figure out what your family values.
To learn or identify your family values, start by asking yourself what your rules are.
Once the house rules are identified, ask yourself why? The answer is your value.
These values need to be communicated and understood.
For example, why should your teen clean their room? Cleaning the room is the rule, but what value is being supported? Could it be that you don't want cockroaches crawling on your floor? You don't like the smell of a dirty room with leftovers sitting everywhere? Chances are, your teen doesn't want insects everywhere too.
So cleaning the room is in support of a family value of not have bugs crawling through the whole house.
Identify the need.
Maybe your teen wants to see their parents interact respectfully.
Maybe your aggressive teen picked up their behavior from somewhere and they don't know how to handle their anger and they become hostile.
You teen's consequences probably aren't working, because the only reaction your teen knows, is to become aggressive.
You can communicate with your teen and teach them new ways of interacting, new ways of dealing with disappointment, discouragement, and anger.