Hearing and Deaf People Are Terrified
Hearing-assisted people usually hear half a sentence and guess the rest.
You make an intelligent remark yet they stopped talking about that five minutes ago.
You're embarrassed and go quiet.
If you are socializing, hearing people are talking about something else.
You look desperately for some hint of what they're talking about, then give up and switch off..
Sound familiar? They have started another conversation through rudeness, ignorance or plain fear because they have no idea how much you have heard.
They do not want to make themselves look silly by repeating it all if you don't need it.
Besides, it holds up their conversation.
Why are hearing people scared of us when we've always thought it was the other way around? It is how we have taught them to think.
I will say that again.
They have been taught to think that way.
I know I'm guilty.
If I am in a total panic because I cannot figure out what someone is saying I blurt out: "I've got a hearing-aid.
" Or "I can't hear you.
" You can see the increasing levels of desperation.
That makes a hearing person panic and they will run away.
If you have ever noticed someone giving you a wide berth at a drinks party because a little bird has told them you need everything repeated, you will know what I'm talking about.
What you can do: Turn the situation on its head.
Pretend that they are the ones who cannot hear and therefore you have to explain to them what they need to do.
You can do one of these stages or in desperate situations, you can use all four.
Stage 1: Gentle phrases: "Please look at me I'm lip-reading.
" (it certainly slows down the fast talkers!) Stage 2: Blunt phrases: "That was way too fast.
" (usually to hotel receptionists or Call Centres.
Their welcome blurb sounds like gibberish.
Ask them to repeat and smile kindly; it's their fault not yours.
It works because they're amazed.
Stage 3: Incongruent response to any question you don't hear "It's half-past four.
" you say.
They will look blank until you tell them to please look at you instead of their desk, their feet etc.
Take the moment and tell them what you want.
Stage 4: Impossible request: In a coffee bar, ask for something they don't have like shoe polish.
That tends to get the attention of all the staff.
I did have to confess: "I didn't hear a word so I made it up.
" I've been too embarrassed to go back since so that is risky! Repetition works and you can do it in any daily situation.
It may take a while before your work colleagues recognize the pattern of the stages yet they are probably the main offenders.
They lean forward when they want to hear.
It's about teaching hearing people to appreciate the difficulties and how to help you.
Customer Services of major Department Stores are usually very quick.
We appreciate their problem in understanding; heck it's taken us long enough to accept it..
Say it with a smile and they will remember you.
On the plus side, family will know when you cannot hear.
My daughter says she can always tell because I fidget! That's because I'm trying to work out when I can tell them I haven't heard a word of what they've been saying for the past ten minutes.
If I hear anyone saying the phrases I will come and help.
Maybe you'll do the same.
Of course if you have a personal listener (not a person!) life becomes easy.
Clarity with style; that's what we're looking for, what we insist upon.
We're also teaching the equipment manufacturers.
That's another story.
You make an intelligent remark yet they stopped talking about that five minutes ago.
You're embarrassed and go quiet.
If you are socializing, hearing people are talking about something else.
You look desperately for some hint of what they're talking about, then give up and switch off..
Sound familiar? They have started another conversation through rudeness, ignorance or plain fear because they have no idea how much you have heard.
They do not want to make themselves look silly by repeating it all if you don't need it.
Besides, it holds up their conversation.
Why are hearing people scared of us when we've always thought it was the other way around? It is how we have taught them to think.
I will say that again.
They have been taught to think that way.
I know I'm guilty.
If I am in a total panic because I cannot figure out what someone is saying I blurt out: "I've got a hearing-aid.
" Or "I can't hear you.
" You can see the increasing levels of desperation.
That makes a hearing person panic and they will run away.
If you have ever noticed someone giving you a wide berth at a drinks party because a little bird has told them you need everything repeated, you will know what I'm talking about.
What you can do: Turn the situation on its head.
Pretend that they are the ones who cannot hear and therefore you have to explain to them what they need to do.
You can do one of these stages or in desperate situations, you can use all four.
Stage 1: Gentle phrases: "Please look at me I'm lip-reading.
" (it certainly slows down the fast talkers!) Stage 2: Blunt phrases: "That was way too fast.
" (usually to hotel receptionists or Call Centres.
Their welcome blurb sounds like gibberish.
Ask them to repeat and smile kindly; it's their fault not yours.
It works because they're amazed.
Stage 3: Incongruent response to any question you don't hear "It's half-past four.
" you say.
They will look blank until you tell them to please look at you instead of their desk, their feet etc.
Take the moment and tell them what you want.
Stage 4: Impossible request: In a coffee bar, ask for something they don't have like shoe polish.
That tends to get the attention of all the staff.
I did have to confess: "I didn't hear a word so I made it up.
" I've been too embarrassed to go back since so that is risky! Repetition works and you can do it in any daily situation.
It may take a while before your work colleagues recognize the pattern of the stages yet they are probably the main offenders.
They lean forward when they want to hear.
It's about teaching hearing people to appreciate the difficulties and how to help you.
Customer Services of major Department Stores are usually very quick.
We appreciate their problem in understanding; heck it's taken us long enough to accept it..
Say it with a smile and they will remember you.
On the plus side, family will know when you cannot hear.
My daughter says she can always tell because I fidget! That's because I'm trying to work out when I can tell them I haven't heard a word of what they've been saying for the past ten minutes.
If I hear anyone saying the phrases I will come and help.
Maybe you'll do the same.
Of course if you have a personal listener (not a person!) life becomes easy.
Clarity with style; that's what we're looking for, what we insist upon.
We're also teaching the equipment manufacturers.
That's another story.
