Every Father Should Wrestle With His Son
In my years of counseling with youth, I would usually ask each one to tell me about their favorite childhood memories.
This was usually a great way to break the silence that often envelops the initial contact or early sessions for these kids.
While the answers from the females were quite diverse, the answers from the males were remarkably similar.
The majority of the boys I worked with would hold 'wrestling' with their father as one of their favorite childhood memories.
The 'wrestling' that these boys were referring to had nothing to do with winning or losing.
It had everything to do with playful 'rough-housing'.
It was about exerting some physical energy, becoming coordinated and enjoying a closeness that I would describe as a bonding experience.
This was not a 'one time' event, but rather a series of physical encounters which were incredibly meaningful to each boy lucky enough to have these memories.
I do not wish to wade into the realm of 'gender wars' here, but it does seem that boys have a higher need for this type of physical activity.
This is what they remember.
These are some of their most treasured memories.
In his book "Wild At Heart", author John Eldredge postulates that males have hardwired into their makeup the need for a battle to fight, a beauty to rescue and an adventure to live.
He also writes that every male possesses a burning question deep in his psyche - "Do I have what it takes?" Wrestling with dad may be the first step in preparing a young boy to tackle the issues of his heart.
This activity represents 'a battle to fight' against an imposing giant in the life of a boy.
It is an early 'adventure to live'.
It also prepares him for 'a beauty to rescue'.
It is the physical quality of these moments that gives such meaning to the memories.
It is what males are made of.
For a young male child, the question "Do I have what it takes?" may be at the heart of his memories of wrestling with dad.
It is not a conscious question but one that lurks deep down inside.
It is a question that he will spend his life answering.
Wrestling with dad allows an opportunity for the male child to begin to answer this question.
It is a fun, healthy and psychologically challenging experience for our sons.
It fits so much with how males are wired.
As an additional benefit, wrestling between a father and son during these early years is just flat-out fun! Fathers remember these days with an equal amount of fondness...
I know I do!
This was usually a great way to break the silence that often envelops the initial contact or early sessions for these kids.
While the answers from the females were quite diverse, the answers from the males were remarkably similar.
The majority of the boys I worked with would hold 'wrestling' with their father as one of their favorite childhood memories.
The 'wrestling' that these boys were referring to had nothing to do with winning or losing.
It had everything to do with playful 'rough-housing'.
It was about exerting some physical energy, becoming coordinated and enjoying a closeness that I would describe as a bonding experience.
This was not a 'one time' event, but rather a series of physical encounters which were incredibly meaningful to each boy lucky enough to have these memories.
I do not wish to wade into the realm of 'gender wars' here, but it does seem that boys have a higher need for this type of physical activity.
This is what they remember.
These are some of their most treasured memories.
In his book "Wild At Heart", author John Eldredge postulates that males have hardwired into their makeup the need for a battle to fight, a beauty to rescue and an adventure to live.
He also writes that every male possesses a burning question deep in his psyche - "Do I have what it takes?" Wrestling with dad may be the first step in preparing a young boy to tackle the issues of his heart.
This activity represents 'a battle to fight' against an imposing giant in the life of a boy.
It is an early 'adventure to live'.
It also prepares him for 'a beauty to rescue'.
It is the physical quality of these moments that gives such meaning to the memories.
It is what males are made of.
For a young male child, the question "Do I have what it takes?" may be at the heart of his memories of wrestling with dad.
It is not a conscious question but one that lurks deep down inside.
It is a question that he will spend his life answering.
Wrestling with dad allows an opportunity for the male child to begin to answer this question.
It is a fun, healthy and psychologically challenging experience for our sons.
It fits so much with how males are wired.
As an additional benefit, wrestling between a father and son during these early years is just flat-out fun! Fathers remember these days with an equal amount of fondness...
I know I do!
