One Aspect Of The Midlife Transition For Baby Boomers - Healing Our Relationship With The Church
A number of years ago, I was quite involved in both taking and giving Ira Progoff's "Intensive Journal" workshops.
As part of the workshop, participants are asked to list the organizations and institutions that have been or are a part of their lives.
In doing this, you become conscious of all the groups to which you belong - social, political, economic, ethnic and religious.
In addition to being a woman, an Italian, and a New Yorker by birth, I listed the Catholic Church, since I had spend over thirty years in that Church and was a member of a religious community for 16 of those years.
In the workshop, you only get to work with ONE group - the one that calls most loudly.
I didn't realize up until that point that I had a lot of unfinished business, not only with the Community that I had been part of, but also with the entire Roman Catholic Church! In the exercise, we first listed the 10 or 12 major steppingstone events that marked our relationship with that institution and I began to realize that my identity was quite bound up with being Catholic.
(I was still in the Church at that time.
) We then personified the institution and began a dialogue, writing first as ourselves and then letting our subconscious speak in the name of the institution.
I found myself pouring out resentments, sadness and anger as I discovered some beliefs that I had swallowed that were challenging my moving forward with my life.
I particularly struggled with my role as woman in a male dominated world.
I also addressed the vows I once made and realized that I had publicly told the world that I would live in poverty - and though it had been years since I had left the religious community, I was still living that vow! Making a New Commitment I wrote pages of things that I hadn't even realized that I was even feeling.
Along with the 'negatives', After writing for sometimes, I eventually also found some wonderful memories and got in touch with a deep sense of gratitude.
I came to realize that it was through the Church that I began a very early meditation practice and a deep mystical understanding of life.
I also had been privy to personally knowing some exceptional thinkers, an extraordinary human beings and had been exposed to teachings and experiences that transcended anything I had experienced anywhere else.
I later left the Catholic Church, but that day, I began what has become a life mission - as part of my overall transformation process, to heal my own and other's relationships with God, Church and Religion, but particularly with Church.
Because I have made this commitment, I often draw people to me who have issues with the whole idea of Church, or with specific Church-related incidents from their past.
As a Minister, I meet many people, including other ministers, who have adversarial relationships with the whole idea of Church.
Some are quite aware of it, and are openly negative about even using the word, and others have simply rejected the idea of Church and seem to give it no second thought.
It is often the things we are unaware of that are the blocks to our experiencing more good in our lives.
I write now to encourage you to give this idea some serious time and attention.
What Are You FOR? If you are against ANYTHING, you are still standing AGAINST rather than FOR everything.
Whether you acknowledge it or not, whether you are aware of its effect on you or not, being against anything causes you to be out of peace.
Every unhealed relationship effects every other relationship that we might try to have.
Until we heal our past painful relationships, we can never fully experience what is possible in a truly loving relationship.
That goes for relationships with individuals as well as with institutions.
What's your story? Here's An Example A student of mine recently wrote about hers.
She said, " I am one of the victims of a 1950's-60's Church upbringing.
I have been through a lot based on my experiences with religion - - none of them positive.
I have a terrible emptiness these days as a result of the loss of my faith.
It brings daily confusion and sadness.
This is on my mind all the time because I have so much antagonism towards the church - - all church(es), and I have yet to find peace with my anger.
It's a long involved story, but I can tell you that it left me in pretty rough shape.
The Church left me feeling personally responsible for all the ills of the world!!! " I invited her as I invite each of you reading this, to spend some time in gratitude for acknowledging a major life block! We were able to work from there..
..
Congratulate yourself if you are ready to begin this process and know that it is something you are doing not only for yourself but for the rest of humankind as well.
Every act that reminds us that we are no longer separate but ONE, brings us closer to the actual experience of being one.
Know that this is Sacred work.
You are invited to be gentle.
The first stage on any spiritual path and the first step in any healing is to recognize our victim -hood - wherever you think that someone or something out there is trying to 'get you' or causing you to do anything that at some level you are not choosing.
It's quite demeaning to think that we are out of control.
That someone or something else MAKES us do anything that we do.
In the case of Church, most of us have had childish or victim relationships - "we were just doing what we were told.
" The first step is acknowledgement that there has been anger, rebellion, resentment and that you want to be free from that.
As my student did, I encourage you to journal about your particular experience.
Allow yourself to acknowledge the pain, the anger, the rejections.
Next, you might do a dialogue as I did, or write a letter to your particular Church denomination as a whole.
Tell it all the things you were upset with.
Let yourself completely vent the feelings you might have.
Go ahead, for the moment, and let yourself be the 'victim' you feel like deep underneath - even if you now know that everything in life is a choice and that there are no victims.
What's Your Story? You may be surprised at what you find when you write.
And if you stay with it long enough, you will find that you too will come to some sense of gratitude that's buried beneath the anger.
I see it happen over and over again.
What story are you telling yourself about where you are in relationship to Church? If you can find someone to talk this all through, all the better.
But, at least take time to journal your experience.
Get it all out on paper.
What are the hurts, the resentments, the fears that you still hold within you? The first step in any healing is to become aware.
Not thinking about it is actually causing you pain that you might not even realize.
Spend the time to re-live and reveal your own wounds to yourself.
I promise: There's Freedom coming!
As part of the workshop, participants are asked to list the organizations and institutions that have been or are a part of their lives.
In doing this, you become conscious of all the groups to which you belong - social, political, economic, ethnic and religious.
In addition to being a woman, an Italian, and a New Yorker by birth, I listed the Catholic Church, since I had spend over thirty years in that Church and was a member of a religious community for 16 of those years.
In the workshop, you only get to work with ONE group - the one that calls most loudly.
I didn't realize up until that point that I had a lot of unfinished business, not only with the Community that I had been part of, but also with the entire Roman Catholic Church! In the exercise, we first listed the 10 or 12 major steppingstone events that marked our relationship with that institution and I began to realize that my identity was quite bound up with being Catholic.
(I was still in the Church at that time.
) We then personified the institution and began a dialogue, writing first as ourselves and then letting our subconscious speak in the name of the institution.
I found myself pouring out resentments, sadness and anger as I discovered some beliefs that I had swallowed that were challenging my moving forward with my life.
I particularly struggled with my role as woman in a male dominated world.
I also addressed the vows I once made and realized that I had publicly told the world that I would live in poverty - and though it had been years since I had left the religious community, I was still living that vow! Making a New Commitment I wrote pages of things that I hadn't even realized that I was even feeling.
Along with the 'negatives', After writing for sometimes, I eventually also found some wonderful memories and got in touch with a deep sense of gratitude.
I came to realize that it was through the Church that I began a very early meditation practice and a deep mystical understanding of life.
I also had been privy to personally knowing some exceptional thinkers, an extraordinary human beings and had been exposed to teachings and experiences that transcended anything I had experienced anywhere else.
I later left the Catholic Church, but that day, I began what has become a life mission - as part of my overall transformation process, to heal my own and other's relationships with God, Church and Religion, but particularly with Church.
Because I have made this commitment, I often draw people to me who have issues with the whole idea of Church, or with specific Church-related incidents from their past.
As a Minister, I meet many people, including other ministers, who have adversarial relationships with the whole idea of Church.
Some are quite aware of it, and are openly negative about even using the word, and others have simply rejected the idea of Church and seem to give it no second thought.
It is often the things we are unaware of that are the blocks to our experiencing more good in our lives.
I write now to encourage you to give this idea some serious time and attention.
What Are You FOR? If you are against ANYTHING, you are still standing AGAINST rather than FOR everything.
Whether you acknowledge it or not, whether you are aware of its effect on you or not, being against anything causes you to be out of peace.
Every unhealed relationship effects every other relationship that we might try to have.
Until we heal our past painful relationships, we can never fully experience what is possible in a truly loving relationship.
That goes for relationships with individuals as well as with institutions.
What's your story? Here's An Example A student of mine recently wrote about hers.
She said, " I am one of the victims of a 1950's-60's Church upbringing.
I have been through a lot based on my experiences with religion - - none of them positive.
I have a terrible emptiness these days as a result of the loss of my faith.
It brings daily confusion and sadness.
This is on my mind all the time because I have so much antagonism towards the church - - all church(es), and I have yet to find peace with my anger.
It's a long involved story, but I can tell you that it left me in pretty rough shape.
The Church left me feeling personally responsible for all the ills of the world!!! " I invited her as I invite each of you reading this, to spend some time in gratitude for acknowledging a major life block! We were able to work from there..
..
Congratulate yourself if you are ready to begin this process and know that it is something you are doing not only for yourself but for the rest of humankind as well.
Every act that reminds us that we are no longer separate but ONE, brings us closer to the actual experience of being one.
Know that this is Sacred work.
You are invited to be gentle.
The first stage on any spiritual path and the first step in any healing is to recognize our victim -hood - wherever you think that someone or something out there is trying to 'get you' or causing you to do anything that at some level you are not choosing.
It's quite demeaning to think that we are out of control.
That someone or something else MAKES us do anything that we do.
In the case of Church, most of us have had childish or victim relationships - "we were just doing what we were told.
" The first step is acknowledgement that there has been anger, rebellion, resentment and that you want to be free from that.
As my student did, I encourage you to journal about your particular experience.
Allow yourself to acknowledge the pain, the anger, the rejections.
Next, you might do a dialogue as I did, or write a letter to your particular Church denomination as a whole.
Tell it all the things you were upset with.
Let yourself completely vent the feelings you might have.
Go ahead, for the moment, and let yourself be the 'victim' you feel like deep underneath - even if you now know that everything in life is a choice and that there are no victims.
What's Your Story? You may be surprised at what you find when you write.
And if you stay with it long enough, you will find that you too will come to some sense of gratitude that's buried beneath the anger.
I see it happen over and over again.
What story are you telling yourself about where you are in relationship to Church? If you can find someone to talk this all through, all the better.
But, at least take time to journal your experience.
Get it all out on paper.
What are the hurts, the resentments, the fears that you still hold within you? The first step in any healing is to become aware.
Not thinking about it is actually causing you pain that you might not even realize.
Spend the time to re-live and reveal your own wounds to yourself.
I promise: There's Freedom coming!
