What President Abraham Lincoln And Legendary Basketball Coach John Wooden Teach About Anti-Bullying
It never fails to amaze me how many things parents do for their children that the parent thinks is helpful or better, when in fact all they are doing is diminishing their child's self confidence, their child's levels of motivation, and their child's personal pride.
I once heard the legendary basketball coach John Wooden say, "The worst thing you can do for another person is the things they could do and should do for themselves," when he was talking about how to empower his players and teaching them to have a sense of pride and conviction about being their personal best on and off the court.
When I first heard these words I was instantly struck by their power and simplicity.
I became immediately aware that I had to apply this simple principle when dealing with my children and the other children that I teach.
Now if you know anything about this legendary coach you understand that he never talked about winning (although he won more national championships at UCLA than any coach in the history of basketball) and he always talked about empowering his players and teaching them life lessons that would help them on and off the court.
Later I learned that this was originally a quote from Abraham Lincoln and it was one of his thoughts on developing the team he surrounded himself with.
Virtually every week I see how a parent has inadvertently stunted their child's emotional growth and kept them from being the incredible person they were meant to be.
I see kids all the time who at 8, 9 and 10 years old cannot tie their own shoes, have trouble getting themselves dressed, or are in some way far too dependent on their parents.
Of course I am not talking about children with some type of disability; I am talking about the average child.
Let's discuss the getting dressed topic as an example.
I see parents tying their kid's shoes all the time when the child is more than capable of doing this relatively simple task for themselves.
I now ask parents (hoping for a different answer, which I never get), "Why are you timing your child's shoes?" I always get the same answer, "It's just easier if I do it" or "It's faster if I do it" or the ever popular "I'm in a hurry and I need them to hurry.
" If these parents could only see how they are causing their children to be overly dependent on others and not dependent enough on themselves, I think they would stop such behavior.
However, for some reason, parents continue such behavior and then they cannot figure out why their children have such an entitlement mentality, whine and complain about performing tasks around the house, or just simply will not do what they are asked to do when they are asked to do it.
In my opinion, many of today's parents have simply crippled their children's self image and thereby make it much easier for their children to be the target of a bully.
It is more than okay if your child has to put his shoes and socks on in the car once or twice to learn that being on time should be the norm, not the exception.
Here is a list of things your child should be doing, in my opinion, so they can feel the joy, satisfaction and confidence of becoming independent.
Of course the tasks should be age appropriate but here are some examples of what a typical 10 year old can easily do for themselves and their family • Always let them dress themselves and tie their own shoes • Teach them how to do their own laundry • Teach them how to make at least a few simple meals so they know how to fend for themselves • When they reach an appropriate age have them cook a meal for the family once per week • Make sure they have some chores that actually contribute to the good of the family and the household, such as vacuuming the house, loading and unloading the dishwasher, cleaning all the toilets in the house, etc.
There are several other things children can do as well, just use your creativity and make sure you teach them well and don't criticize when they make mistakes.
Will they complain about these things? Of course; they are kids.
Remember that our main job as parents is to be our children's mentor and guide them to becoming successful and meaningful members of society.
We can only do that if they are independent and have a strong self image.
The only way they will become strong and independent is if they have been properly taught how to be independent and if they are given the tools to solve their own problems and encouraged to take action.
You can find out other parenting tips in my Anti-Bully Program.
Tasks that contribute to the good of the home and the family actually teach children how to be a good member of the family and, by extension, society.
Children gain a sense of pride and duty that will stick with them for a lifetime.
It also teaches them the value of the things their parents and other family members do for them and how valuable their parents are.
All of these things contribute to building a strong self image and children will project that image through their interactions with others and that incredible level of confidence will make them less likely to be the target of a bully.
Bullies, remember, are looking for easy targets not difficult ones.
If you ever hear John Wooden's former players talk about him, they all sound about the same.
Much of the time they had no idea what he meant by most of his sayings, life lessons and drills that he preached, until later in life when they had the maturity to truly understand what their coach was actually giving them.
He was giving them the gift of personal pride, teaching them secrets of how to succeed and, most of all, the power of being independent.
I think it should be the goal for all of us parents to instill in our children the same gifts that John Wooden gave to his players.
It is my sincere hope that my children will remember me the way our country remembers Abraham Lincoln.
As a teacher, motivator, and role model who did his best to make the world a better place through teaching others to be their absolute best and achieve their goals and dreams.
Let's all keep our kids safe from bullies by building their self image by using the tools of these two impressive leaders.
"The greatest gift we can give our children is the gift of independence.
" -unknown
I once heard the legendary basketball coach John Wooden say, "The worst thing you can do for another person is the things they could do and should do for themselves," when he was talking about how to empower his players and teaching them to have a sense of pride and conviction about being their personal best on and off the court.
When I first heard these words I was instantly struck by their power and simplicity.
I became immediately aware that I had to apply this simple principle when dealing with my children and the other children that I teach.
Now if you know anything about this legendary coach you understand that he never talked about winning (although he won more national championships at UCLA than any coach in the history of basketball) and he always talked about empowering his players and teaching them life lessons that would help them on and off the court.
Later I learned that this was originally a quote from Abraham Lincoln and it was one of his thoughts on developing the team he surrounded himself with.
Virtually every week I see how a parent has inadvertently stunted their child's emotional growth and kept them from being the incredible person they were meant to be.
I see kids all the time who at 8, 9 and 10 years old cannot tie their own shoes, have trouble getting themselves dressed, or are in some way far too dependent on their parents.
Of course I am not talking about children with some type of disability; I am talking about the average child.
Let's discuss the getting dressed topic as an example.
I see parents tying their kid's shoes all the time when the child is more than capable of doing this relatively simple task for themselves.
I now ask parents (hoping for a different answer, which I never get), "Why are you timing your child's shoes?" I always get the same answer, "It's just easier if I do it" or "It's faster if I do it" or the ever popular "I'm in a hurry and I need them to hurry.
" If these parents could only see how they are causing their children to be overly dependent on others and not dependent enough on themselves, I think they would stop such behavior.
However, for some reason, parents continue such behavior and then they cannot figure out why their children have such an entitlement mentality, whine and complain about performing tasks around the house, or just simply will not do what they are asked to do when they are asked to do it.
In my opinion, many of today's parents have simply crippled their children's self image and thereby make it much easier for their children to be the target of a bully.
It is more than okay if your child has to put his shoes and socks on in the car once or twice to learn that being on time should be the norm, not the exception.
Here is a list of things your child should be doing, in my opinion, so they can feel the joy, satisfaction and confidence of becoming independent.
Of course the tasks should be age appropriate but here are some examples of what a typical 10 year old can easily do for themselves and their family • Always let them dress themselves and tie their own shoes • Teach them how to do their own laundry • Teach them how to make at least a few simple meals so they know how to fend for themselves • When they reach an appropriate age have them cook a meal for the family once per week • Make sure they have some chores that actually contribute to the good of the family and the household, such as vacuuming the house, loading and unloading the dishwasher, cleaning all the toilets in the house, etc.
There are several other things children can do as well, just use your creativity and make sure you teach them well and don't criticize when they make mistakes.
Will they complain about these things? Of course; they are kids.
Remember that our main job as parents is to be our children's mentor and guide them to becoming successful and meaningful members of society.
We can only do that if they are independent and have a strong self image.
The only way they will become strong and independent is if they have been properly taught how to be independent and if they are given the tools to solve their own problems and encouraged to take action.
You can find out other parenting tips in my Anti-Bully Program.
Tasks that contribute to the good of the home and the family actually teach children how to be a good member of the family and, by extension, society.
Children gain a sense of pride and duty that will stick with them for a lifetime.
It also teaches them the value of the things their parents and other family members do for them and how valuable their parents are.
All of these things contribute to building a strong self image and children will project that image through their interactions with others and that incredible level of confidence will make them less likely to be the target of a bully.
Bullies, remember, are looking for easy targets not difficult ones.
If you ever hear John Wooden's former players talk about him, they all sound about the same.
Much of the time they had no idea what he meant by most of his sayings, life lessons and drills that he preached, until later in life when they had the maturity to truly understand what their coach was actually giving them.
He was giving them the gift of personal pride, teaching them secrets of how to succeed and, most of all, the power of being independent.
I think it should be the goal for all of us parents to instill in our children the same gifts that John Wooden gave to his players.
It is my sincere hope that my children will remember me the way our country remembers Abraham Lincoln.
As a teacher, motivator, and role model who did his best to make the world a better place through teaching others to be their absolute best and achieve their goals and dreams.
Let's all keep our kids safe from bullies by building their self image by using the tools of these two impressive leaders.
"The greatest gift we can give our children is the gift of independence.
" -unknown
