Apart from sex, I can't think of anything that raises more shame than the way we deal with money.
Many of us tend not to look too long and too hard at our money because what we see is not something we're excited about.
We've seen now on a national level how well that works.
Not well.
So, we're going to need to do it a little differently.
Because this more perfect union is one we want to survive! For those of you with kids form earlier marriages, you need to figure this stuff out early.
I've always been ambivalent about prenups because I think marriage is about sharing.
But if there are inheritances that have to go to children, that's different.
But pretty much if you're marrying someone, you're marrying them.
But if you look at prenups as a laying out of what's true and making decisions about what's going to happen next, then by golly most of us ought to have one! Forget the lawyer, get to work.
Here are some questions to answer on your own, to be shared with your partner.

• How much money do you make a pay period?
• Does the money taken out of your check cover your taxes at the end of the year?
• How much money do you spend a pay period.
  Yep, keep one of those little books for at least 2 weeks.
  
• How often do you look honestly at your money?
• Do you have a budget and do you keep to it?
• What did you learn at home about money? What was said, what was unsaid but implied? Was it talked about easily and openly? Was there enough? Was it hoarded or squandered? Was there panic, or calm about money?
• What has been your reaction to what you learned at home? Do you do it the same way?
• Are you an impulse shopper? What's the last thing you bought on impulse? Do you use it? What's the last BIG thing you bought on impulse? Do you use it?
• Do you buy on credit or do you wait until you have the cash?
• What's your debt level? Credit Card, Student Loan, Mortgage?
• How much of your paycheck goes to finance debt?
• What's your saving level?
• Do you have money if you become unemployed?
• Do you have a lot of things you don't need?
• Do you have a lot of things you don't use?
• How were you planning to pay for your wedding?

Compare your answers with your beloved's.
Is this too hard? Find a counselor or a financial planner to work with.
Then once you've got your personal stuff laid out, you need to look at what you're taking on with the marriage.
It's now one relationship.
No more his or her debt it's your debt.
You want to get it cleared up and out of the way.
You want to clarify your financial goals.
You want to design a budget that works.
You want to put someone in charge of it.
You both want to agree to how it will be administered, and by whom and what the exceptions are.
You want to be trustworthy about your money stuff.
Knowing and trusting one another in this area will cement your marriage together.
You have to let go of the shame.
If you didn't come from a family of swimmers, you wouldn't expect yourself to start out as a good distance swimmer.
But you could learn.
The same is true with money.
You can learn.
But just like you wouldn't just jump in the deep end of the pool find yourself someone to help.
There are good people locally.
There are good people on the 'Net.
I like the work that Dr.
Taffy Wagner does with Your Debt Stops at the Altar, but there are lots of people out there.
Find them.
Get very good at this.
Marriage is hard enough without money problems.
And the economy we're living in says that there could be money problems for a very long time! So figure this out before you plan your wedding, and plan a wedding that's appropriate for your goals and your finances.
Your marriage will thrive on it!