Parenting - Put Some Peace in the Process
I learned these 10 tips from a Rabbi I've known for 20 years.
Note: This does not mean he hasn't had problems with his own brood.
1.
Give them a clear sense of spirituality, whatever that means to you.
2.
Reflect what they tell you and be proud of their accomplishments even if they aren't what you'd hoped.
3.
Discouragement is part of life.
"We walk through the Valley of Death," informs us that even Jesus got depressed and had to find his way out of the abyss.
He succeeded and was a masterful teacher.
Be a good example but let them know about consequences.
4.
Speak to your children with integrity.
Your words will lead them in the direction of truth and love.
Communicate clearly to avoid misunderstandings, sadness and drama.
This, alone, will transform your family's life.
5.
Share your children with friends of different cultures so they learn that the world is a big place full of good people and opportunities.
6.
Listen while they go on about what they've discovered that is better than what you have done or know.
It does not mean they are right or they will believe the same thing tomorrow or next year.
Be mature enough not to take any of it personally.
7.
Teach them that when they are profoundly disappointed to find someone with a similar problem and to focus on that person's problem doing all they can to help that person succeed.
Wish the other person success, contribute to a charity, pray for them.
Talking with the person can be enough sometimes.
Success is reciprocal.
8.
Do not be vulgar or coarse.
Let your children know this is unacceptable.
If you have not sufficiently established this principal, let them know at a more peaceful time, privately.
9.
Let them vent if they need to.
It is a projection of their reality.
10.
Find the courage to ask questions and to express what you really want for them.
Then let your children go when they become young adults and be happy for them.
Wish then well in their pursuits, that they may live and love well.
The most life-changing thing he taught us is to make it short and sweet: tell them, one at a time, that you love them, you are sorry for the mistakes you have made, and that you are always there for them.
And mean it.
Note: This does not mean he hasn't had problems with his own brood.
1.
Give them a clear sense of spirituality, whatever that means to you.
2.
Reflect what they tell you and be proud of their accomplishments even if they aren't what you'd hoped.
3.
Discouragement is part of life.
"We walk through the Valley of Death," informs us that even Jesus got depressed and had to find his way out of the abyss.
He succeeded and was a masterful teacher.
Be a good example but let them know about consequences.
4.
Speak to your children with integrity.
Your words will lead them in the direction of truth and love.
Communicate clearly to avoid misunderstandings, sadness and drama.
This, alone, will transform your family's life.
5.
Share your children with friends of different cultures so they learn that the world is a big place full of good people and opportunities.
6.
Listen while they go on about what they've discovered that is better than what you have done or know.
It does not mean they are right or they will believe the same thing tomorrow or next year.
Be mature enough not to take any of it personally.
7.
Teach them that when they are profoundly disappointed to find someone with a similar problem and to focus on that person's problem doing all they can to help that person succeed.
Wish the other person success, contribute to a charity, pray for them.
Talking with the person can be enough sometimes.
Success is reciprocal.
8.
Do not be vulgar or coarse.
Let your children know this is unacceptable.
If you have not sufficiently established this principal, let them know at a more peaceful time, privately.
9.
Let them vent if they need to.
It is a projection of their reality.
10.
Find the courage to ask questions and to express what you really want for them.
Then let your children go when they become young adults and be happy for them.
Wish then well in their pursuits, that they may live and love well.
The most life-changing thing he taught us is to make it short and sweet: tell them, one at a time, that you love them, you are sorry for the mistakes you have made, and that you are always there for them.
And mean it.
