In my line of work I see many teenagers.
I know kids from elementary and middle schools, and I admire the transformation they show and experience as they move into adulthood.
At various times I help parents of teenagers deal with rebellion.
While rebellion can be scary and sometimes dangerous, it is exactly what we as parents are waiting for.
As we raise our children we model a ton of information which they readily pick up.
This information can serve them or not.
These days, with technology flattening the world and creating new challenges that were not present ten years ago, the lessons we model and teach as parents could be outdated.
Therefore, our way of doing things may no longer work.
This is important to keep in mind as we communicate with our teens.
When our kids enter the teenage years, their bodies undergo an amazing transformation.
Perhaps you can remember this.
Emotional swings are greater, relationships can be more dramatic, and the changes in our bodies are enough to amplify any life experience.
The biggest factors in this change are the transformation in our brains and the increased hormones cruising through our bodies.
A teenager's brain is undergoing a huge pruning and development stage in adolescence.
Essentially, this is a similar transformation to that occurring in toddlers-bringing us the "terrible twos.
" The brain increases in size and neuron connections and then begins to prune away unwanted and unneeded connections because efficiency is a main outcome.
This physical change creates a lot of testing in experience, and each time an experience is registered, the brain makes modifications.
The learning capabilities during this time of life are increased because there is more blood flow to the brain and more brain to use.
We are all familiar with hormones as they relate to adolescents.
These are usually the cause of an increased focus on the opposite sex and sex in general.
They can also play into the desire to experiment with risky behaviors such as staying up late, experimenting with drugs and alcohol, and having sex.
I heard a story of years past which took place in a tribal society which I am paraphrase here.
There was a young man named Stix.
He grew up in the tribe and played most of his days.
One day he all of a sudden took note of one of the tribes younger ladies.
He looked at her differently than he had in the past, and he noticed a sensation running through his body at this time.
The tribe's elder also noticed this and without the awareness of Stix, a ceremony had been ordered.
Stix was called down to the river and, before he knew it, he was picked up, tied up, and carried off.
Stix thought he might be sacrificed to appease the Gods.
He was tossed into a bed of fire ants and tied down.
He was left there to "die.
" As the ants crawled over him they bit and wandered all over his body.
Stix fought them as much as he could, though with his hands and feet bound much of his struggle was futile.
He writhed in agony for some time.
And after several hours, he accepted his position and relaxed.
He let go of an attachment.
It was at this time that his breathing changed, his demeanor changed, and that is when the other men in the tribe came to untie him.
They helped him get up and they welcomed him into manhood-a man of the tribe.
A large celebration occurred at this time, and Stix was announced to the entire tribe that he had entered the community now a man.
The story explained here is a rite of passage.
Our western culture society has no true rites for young men or women to experience.
During the rite of passage, our attachment to our youth energy becomes unattached to us, which makes room for maturity.
Once room for our maturity is created, we can allow this energy in, and having other people in our community support us plays a large role in how we develop our mature energies.
Without proper rites of passages, what we see is rebellion.
We feel and observe in others a pull towards wanting adult-like experiences, although we are too attached to being a kid to handle experiences maturely.
This creates the "I want this experience for me, but if something goes wrong, I want you to rescue me and take the blame" types of conversation heard in households across the globe.
When rebellions occur, it is a sign that the time is right for creating an experience within the family to bring that kid into adulthood.
As parents we must allow this while also holding on to strong expectations.
We also need to create rites of passages for our kids-although we can do this without the use of fire ants.