Disciplining Children
Discipline is a hard thing to comment on, as it varies from person to person.
So what I put down here is my opinion and my experience only.
I do believe in discipline.
However I do also believe there is a very fine line between discipline and abuse.
I came from a strict family, and I was taught manners and respect, which I believe to have been the foundations for disciplining our children.
It is important to stay consistent with discipline.
It can get really tough, as the children soon work out what they can get away with and how to push your buttons, so it is important to stay consistent and strong.
If you say you are going to do something you must do it, or it can be a show a weakness which they will prey on next time.
Sometimes when you feel that you are cranky or "fire Up" to deal with the situation, it is a real good idea to walk away and calm down then when you have done so talk to the child/children about what they did, you can still deal with the situation but in a calmer and level headed approach.
It is when you are cranky and "fired Up" to deal with the situation when you can cross the line from discipline to abuse.
It does take a huge amount of self control.
Also the children get to know that when you walk away they are really done for.
Let them sweat a bit.
It is also important that everyone who is with the children have the same rules and consequences.
I always expect manners and respect in my home, so I give it to others, but my husband, and the governess also had the same values, so the children knew that they couldn't get away with being rude and disrespectful with one of us and not the other.
However the punishment can always be different from person to person, but the value on manners and respect always stayed the same.
My daughter told me recently me that the disciplines that she learned from my school room has carried her through some tough times.
She has also seen first hand what rude and disrespectful children and some grown ups can be like, she has actually thanked me for being tough on her and making sure that she had manners.
Many people comment on how well mannered our children are at such a young age.
We believe that children are taught from example to start with, so like many things, children learn from what they see and hear in the family home.
A very important thing I learnt from my children however is, that sometimes we get so caught up in our lives that we can forget that sometimes they haven't learnt that somethings are wrong.
They might know it is wrong also, but not know why.
It may need to be explained to them How or Why something is wrong.
I learned that before I went and dished out punishment for something that I knew was wrong I would ask my child/children, "do you know that is wrong"? "Do you understand why it is wrong"? If they answer was "yes" to both then I felt justified in issue a punishment.
If the answer was no to one or both questions then as a parent it is and was my responsibility to teach them or show them why it was wrong.
How else are they going to understand, and yes it can be time consuming to stop and deal with it all, but that it all part of being a parent.
Discipline is about your core values that under no circumstances can be compromised.
Discipline needs to be consistent.
Discipline needs to be fair.
Discipline is not about punishment, it is about learning right from wrong.
If there are no boundaries, there is chaos.
So what I put down here is my opinion and my experience only.
I do believe in discipline.
However I do also believe there is a very fine line between discipline and abuse.
I came from a strict family, and I was taught manners and respect, which I believe to have been the foundations for disciplining our children.
It is important to stay consistent with discipline.
It can get really tough, as the children soon work out what they can get away with and how to push your buttons, so it is important to stay consistent and strong.
If you say you are going to do something you must do it, or it can be a show a weakness which they will prey on next time.
Sometimes when you feel that you are cranky or "fire Up" to deal with the situation, it is a real good idea to walk away and calm down then when you have done so talk to the child/children about what they did, you can still deal with the situation but in a calmer and level headed approach.
It is when you are cranky and "fired Up" to deal with the situation when you can cross the line from discipline to abuse.
It does take a huge amount of self control.
Also the children get to know that when you walk away they are really done for.
Let them sweat a bit.
It is also important that everyone who is with the children have the same rules and consequences.
I always expect manners and respect in my home, so I give it to others, but my husband, and the governess also had the same values, so the children knew that they couldn't get away with being rude and disrespectful with one of us and not the other.
However the punishment can always be different from person to person, but the value on manners and respect always stayed the same.
My daughter told me recently me that the disciplines that she learned from my school room has carried her through some tough times.
She has also seen first hand what rude and disrespectful children and some grown ups can be like, she has actually thanked me for being tough on her and making sure that she had manners.
Many people comment on how well mannered our children are at such a young age.
We believe that children are taught from example to start with, so like many things, children learn from what they see and hear in the family home.
A very important thing I learnt from my children however is, that sometimes we get so caught up in our lives that we can forget that sometimes they haven't learnt that somethings are wrong.
They might know it is wrong also, but not know why.
It may need to be explained to them How or Why something is wrong.
I learned that before I went and dished out punishment for something that I knew was wrong I would ask my child/children, "do you know that is wrong"? "Do you understand why it is wrong"? If they answer was "yes" to both then I felt justified in issue a punishment.
If the answer was no to one or both questions then as a parent it is and was my responsibility to teach them or show them why it was wrong.
How else are they going to understand, and yes it can be time consuming to stop and deal with it all, but that it all part of being a parent.
Discipline is about your core values that under no circumstances can be compromised.
Discipline needs to be consistent.
Discipline needs to be fair.
Discipline is not about punishment, it is about learning right from wrong.
If there are no boundaries, there is chaos.
