Recognising and Dealing With Stressed Children
As parents, you may have experienced some rough days wherein you just cannot understand your children's behavior.
But for some, there are children who just drive you nuts every single day.
They are referred to as a "stress child.
" Some would also call them a problem child.
Five-year-old Chuck is in constant motion.
He cannot handle frustration - cannot wait his turn, cannot sit still or keep quiet.
He does not listen, he has trouble concentrating, and he often loses interest in a game or task.
Because of his distractibility, he usually is not doing what his parents want.
Chuck is hyperactive, but unfortunately, undiagnosed.
His parents have come to view him as challenging them out to sheer devilment.
With harsh punishments, they have made matters worse.
Chuck's problem is complicated by the fact he has become a "stress child" in his family.
When Chuck's father has a bad day at work, stored stress is often channeled into anger toward Chuck, who is usually doing something wrong.
His mother is much more likely to scream at Chuck or to punish him than other children.
Chuck carries the implicit label of "bad" and is taunted or made the brunt of jokes by his brothers and sisters.
For different reasons, 14-year-old David is also a tress conductor in his family.
David is caught between his warring mother and stepfather, whose volatile tensions become arguments over how to discipline their son.
When he becomes angry at her, David's stepfather often vents that anger toward David.
His mother supports the rift by complaining to her son about how her husband mistreats her.
In dozens of ways, children can inadvertently be singled out to bear the burdens of a family's stress.
A child may become a conductor of stress because he constantly disappoints parents whose expectations are too high.
Or because he possesses characteristics a parent does not like in him or herself.
A child may also have other characteristics that set him apart and make him vulnerable to criticism or contempt, such as tendency to move at a slower or faster tempo than other family members.
If one of your children may be "collecting" stress, consider these strategies to tame him or her and strengthen his position in the family: Warm up the relationship by sending clear messages that your child is loved.
Sow that love by being attentive and listening carefully.
Refrain from criticizing one child in front of another.
Institute a rule that kids are not to criticize each other.
When Michael's mother asked him to take a bath, his older brother said, "Yeah, you smell.
" Mother asked, "What's the rule about being critical?" Make a rule you will do the parenting.
Michael's mother could have also said: "You're not the mother so you please stay out of this.
" Agree with your spouse to have your arguments, disagreements or discussions about children in private.
Create positive relationship time to repair and maintain the bond between you and your child.
Make a habit of talking about what is going right instead of what is going wrong.
Let the little things go without comment and give your child plenty of room to make mistakes without incurring any penalties.
Soften your approach to your child.
Keep your tones friendly and use plenty of humor.
Depend on problem solving rather than punishment.
If your child still maintains the entrenched role of "stress conductor" after you have tried these strategies for several weeks, you may need to consult an expert to work on family issues or to determine whether physical causes, such as hyper-activity or learning disabilities, may be contributing to the problem.
But for some, there are children who just drive you nuts every single day.
They are referred to as a "stress child.
" Some would also call them a problem child.
Five-year-old Chuck is in constant motion.
He cannot handle frustration - cannot wait his turn, cannot sit still or keep quiet.
He does not listen, he has trouble concentrating, and he often loses interest in a game or task.
Because of his distractibility, he usually is not doing what his parents want.
Chuck is hyperactive, but unfortunately, undiagnosed.
His parents have come to view him as challenging them out to sheer devilment.
With harsh punishments, they have made matters worse.
Chuck's problem is complicated by the fact he has become a "stress child" in his family.
When Chuck's father has a bad day at work, stored stress is often channeled into anger toward Chuck, who is usually doing something wrong.
His mother is much more likely to scream at Chuck or to punish him than other children.
Chuck carries the implicit label of "bad" and is taunted or made the brunt of jokes by his brothers and sisters.
For different reasons, 14-year-old David is also a tress conductor in his family.
David is caught between his warring mother and stepfather, whose volatile tensions become arguments over how to discipline their son.
When he becomes angry at her, David's stepfather often vents that anger toward David.
His mother supports the rift by complaining to her son about how her husband mistreats her.
In dozens of ways, children can inadvertently be singled out to bear the burdens of a family's stress.
A child may become a conductor of stress because he constantly disappoints parents whose expectations are too high.
Or because he possesses characteristics a parent does not like in him or herself.
A child may also have other characteristics that set him apart and make him vulnerable to criticism or contempt, such as tendency to move at a slower or faster tempo than other family members.
If one of your children may be "collecting" stress, consider these strategies to tame him or her and strengthen his position in the family: Warm up the relationship by sending clear messages that your child is loved.
Sow that love by being attentive and listening carefully.
Refrain from criticizing one child in front of another.
Institute a rule that kids are not to criticize each other.
When Michael's mother asked him to take a bath, his older brother said, "Yeah, you smell.
" Mother asked, "What's the rule about being critical?" Make a rule you will do the parenting.
Michael's mother could have also said: "You're not the mother so you please stay out of this.
" Agree with your spouse to have your arguments, disagreements or discussions about children in private.
Create positive relationship time to repair and maintain the bond between you and your child.
Make a habit of talking about what is going right instead of what is going wrong.
Let the little things go without comment and give your child plenty of room to make mistakes without incurring any penalties.
Soften your approach to your child.
Keep your tones friendly and use plenty of humor.
Depend on problem solving rather than punishment.
If your child still maintains the entrenched role of "stress conductor" after you have tried these strategies for several weeks, you may need to consult an expert to work on family issues or to determine whether physical causes, such as hyper-activity or learning disabilities, may be contributing to the problem.
