Children and Choices: The Secret To Raising Independent Kids: Part 2
This past year, I had a back injury and was in bed for a week.
I had to rely on others, i.
e.
my kind husband, kids and in-laws to take care of my most basic needs.
It was not a pleasant experience.
It was tough to be so completely dependent on my family.
They were kind, gracious and doting and all I wanted to do was jump out of bed and take my rightful place as primary caretaker and happy homemaker.
I remembered when my kids were toddlers and they would yell, "I want to do it myself!" I could really relate.
There is a basic human need to be independent.
Everyone deep down wants to be able to care for themselves, and be self sufficient.
It is not just adults who feel this way, kids want their parent's to take care of them but they want to be independent too.
Children start to exercise this need for independence around age 2 (the cause for the terrible twos).
To really communicate effectively with children we need to take their need for autonomy seriously.
Parents can help their children feel in charge within a safe framework by offering children two positive choices.
This helps kids gain a sense of independence and security because parents have structured the choices.
Parents are also happy because they have determined the choices and choices help children focus on the task at hand.
Choices are also valuable because they help children exercise their decision making skills, builds their self respect and self-esteem.
Becky Bailey in her book, " Easy to Love, Difficult to Discipline", suggests that parents use the following formula when offering choices to their young children: 1.
Take a deep breath and think about what you want your child to do.
Doing this helps to keep parents calm so that they can effectively manage any parenting situation.
The easy ones and the tough ones.
2.
Say, "You have a choice!" with an upbeat tone.
Positive energy begets positive energy.
If your child is having a rough time complying, this can help improve their mood and encourage cooperation.
3.
Give two positive choices: "You may __________or you may_________.
" 4.
Ask your child to commit to his/her choice: You can ask: "What is your choice?" 5.
Make sure to notice their choice: "You chose_________.
" Here is an example of how parents can use this helpful formula: Instead of: Parent: "What do you want for breakfast?" Child: " A lollipop!" Parent: "That is not a breakfast food.
Stop being silly!" Try: Parent: "You have a choice! You may have waffles or cereal for breakfast! What is your choice?" Child: "Waffles!" Parent: "You chose waffles! I am going to make them for you right now!" Giving children choices has many advantages and should be used liberally by parents.
For more information on giving choices join our "Parenting Simply" workshop.
Visit us at http://www.
parentingsimply.
com for the our workshop schedule.
While you are there sign up for our newsletter so you can get great parenting tips every week.
Looking forward to hearing from you!
I had to rely on others, i.
e.
my kind husband, kids and in-laws to take care of my most basic needs.
It was not a pleasant experience.
It was tough to be so completely dependent on my family.
They were kind, gracious and doting and all I wanted to do was jump out of bed and take my rightful place as primary caretaker and happy homemaker.
I remembered when my kids were toddlers and they would yell, "I want to do it myself!" I could really relate.
There is a basic human need to be independent.
Everyone deep down wants to be able to care for themselves, and be self sufficient.
It is not just adults who feel this way, kids want their parent's to take care of them but they want to be independent too.
Children start to exercise this need for independence around age 2 (the cause for the terrible twos).
To really communicate effectively with children we need to take their need for autonomy seriously.
Parents can help their children feel in charge within a safe framework by offering children two positive choices.
This helps kids gain a sense of independence and security because parents have structured the choices.
Parents are also happy because they have determined the choices and choices help children focus on the task at hand.
Choices are also valuable because they help children exercise their decision making skills, builds their self respect and self-esteem.
Becky Bailey in her book, " Easy to Love, Difficult to Discipline", suggests that parents use the following formula when offering choices to their young children: 1.
Take a deep breath and think about what you want your child to do.
Doing this helps to keep parents calm so that they can effectively manage any parenting situation.
The easy ones and the tough ones.
2.
Say, "You have a choice!" with an upbeat tone.
Positive energy begets positive energy.
If your child is having a rough time complying, this can help improve their mood and encourage cooperation.
3.
Give two positive choices: "You may __________or you may_________.
" 4.
Ask your child to commit to his/her choice: You can ask: "What is your choice?" 5.
Make sure to notice their choice: "You chose_________.
" Here is an example of how parents can use this helpful formula: Instead of: Parent: "What do you want for breakfast?" Child: " A lollipop!" Parent: "That is not a breakfast food.
Stop being silly!" Try: Parent: "You have a choice! You may have waffles or cereal for breakfast! What is your choice?" Child: "Waffles!" Parent: "You chose waffles! I am going to make them for you right now!" Giving children choices has many advantages and should be used liberally by parents.
For more information on giving choices join our "Parenting Simply" workshop.
Visit us at http://www.
parentingsimply.
com for the our workshop schedule.
While you are there sign up for our newsletter so you can get great parenting tips every week.
Looking forward to hearing from you!
